


THE GIRL IN MEMORY: Spooks Edition

by ThroughtheMirrorDarkly



Category: NCIS, Spooks | MI-5
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Gen, Kelly Gibbs is Alive, Mystery, Past Torture, Romance, Spies & Secret Agents, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-13 22:40:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 45,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4540164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThroughtheMirrorDarkly/pseuds/ThroughtheMirrorDarkly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kelly Gibbs (Evelyn Matthews) is very much alive, but she has miles of baggage she is carrying, and the ever present danger nipping at her heels. But there is one thing she never anticipated...running into her father who believes she died all those years ago. Will she breakdown and tell the truth? Or are some things better left buried and gone?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Million Miles To Go

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything from MI-5/Spooks, or NCIS. This is just a story made for my amusement, and hopefully all of yours as well. This will mostly revolve around the NCIS universe, with strong elements from MI-5. There will small elements from Nancy Drew: Silent Spy (which I don't own, disclaimer here), but just bits of the storyline from the game, no actual characters from Nancy Drew will be present.)  
> Summary: Kelly Gibbs is very much alive, but she has miles of baggage she is carrying, and the ever present danger nipping at her heels.  
> Pairings: Evelyn(Kelly)/Lucas North  
> Gibbs/?  
> Tony/Ziva  
> Abby/McGee  
> Warnings: Mentions of Torture, PTSD, Violence, Language, and Sexual Situation and brief mention of drug use  
> This is NOT the same as The Girl in Memory. It will share the same basic plotline, and have some similar parts, but it IS a different story entirely.  
> I want to thank alynambered for helping me edit! I really appreciate it. :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Spooks, nor NCIS. This is for amusement purposes only.

  
[](https://www.flickr.com/gp/152592576@N08/1B4hnH)

(*props to ChristyTrekkie who made this fanart for me) 

* * *

March 7, 2005 London, England

John Bateman made a mistake. 

And Lucas North paid for it. 

John Bateman had worked for Vaughn Edwards, and delivered packages. He never thought that they were anything deadly. Certainly not legal, but he never suspected something as deadly as a bomb. A bomb that killed seventeen people at the British Embassy. 

John Bateman had disappeared and, for all intents and purposes, was dead. Soon after Lucas North was born, and he suppressed the memories of his former life down deep within him, so they would never see the light of day. He had converted himself into a chameleon, changing and adapting to survive.

Pearce had known. 

Pearce had known all along who he truly was, and Lucas couldn't help but wonder if he was the one who had been played. He had thought himself a main piece on the board, when he had been nothing more than a pawn. The shadows of the buildings rose above the lane, painting all in darkness. The edges of his vision shifted, and black spots crowded all around. He could feel the energy drain out of him with each passing second and, for a moment, he believed that this could be his end. 

But he always got out. He always did. 

_And now, how do you expect to get out of this one?_ Lucas North thought with more than a little bit of irony. He stumbled down through the alleyway with a glare in his blue eyes as he forced himself to keep on moving. The pain throbbed and ached like whitehot flames licking up his thigh, and he bit back the bile rising up his throat. His breathing was sharp, uneven and rattled through his lungs. He had to stay on his feet. If he let himself collapse now, it would all be over. 

And he had been through worse. 

So much worse that he couldn't let a bullet wound to the leg bring him down. He was not a noble crusader fighting for a cause, at least not anymore. He had become disillusioned with it all. He had become weary to death of his need to save the world, no longer bearing the same reason he did when he first joined MI-5. He had considered becoming a traitor, turning over information to Vaughn who would turn it over to the Chinese and he almost had because more than anything he wanted a future. 

A future with Maya... but now, she was gone. 

Dead. The pain was agonizing, searing through his chest. There were few people in this world that he truly loved, and Maya was one of them. Her death would haunt him for a long time. In the end, he had left the useless file on the rooftop along with Pearce. They all thought he jumped to his death, but he always had a way out. It was the first thing you learned when you became a spy. 

Now, he had no choice, but to flee. His own country would not keep him, and there were few others that would take him. China was out. They would not like his doublecross anymore than the British liked his almost betrayal. He would not go to Russia. He would rather die than go to Russia. He would rather walk into the British Embassy and surrender himself than do that. America had, in the end, been his choice. They would grant him asylum for all the information he knew of Britian, Russia and other countries. In the world of spies, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. 

Now, if he could only make it there alive. 

Unfortunately, while MI5 believed him to be dead, not everyone else did and enemies he had made in the past had come back to take him out. They no longer had to fear retaliation, and Lucas knew that until the deal was sealed he would have to keep one eye open. Even after, he would still be paranoid. But, he thought humorlessly, was it paranoia when they were truly out to get you? 

He heard words, brisk and hard and Russian whispered from somewhere nearby, causing him to halt for a brief moment. He sure as hell wasn't going to let some Russians out for revenge for Arkady Kachimov, haul him back to wherever they intended and torture him. He would not allow himself to put into the hands of another Darshavin again. 

"Not again. Never again," he hissed through clenched teeth. Gun in hand, he slowed his sprinting to a jog, his eyes scanning the darkened streets, using the garbage container to conceal him from the men at the end of the alleyway. Best way to stay safe was to get them before they got him.

He checked his ammo, and now he had to be focused enough to shoot. He wanted to get the hell out of there and was going to make it happen. Then Lucas shut down all his emotions and locked them up tight. He needed to become a machine and when he did, men would die. It was that simple. 

He had to get past the entrance of the alley. The entrance that was blocked by more Russian mobsters. They had known he would be here, that much was certain and he wondered which country that offered him sanctuary sold him out, but that didn't matter right now. He felt a twinge of alarm when he recognized Stavros Tarasov. He was a vicious, bloodthirsty man who loved breaking people, particularly women. He didn't mind, however, helping Arkaray try to break Lucas. A snarl came to his lips and his hands shook as his hold tightened on his gun. 

If Tarasov was here, then this was more serious than he first realized. He watched Tarasov speak to his men before heading down the dock and onto the boat. Lucas narrowed his eyes, taking in the situation carefully. He'd never be able to take them all on, but he could take out the two guards watching the cars. Then he could take one of the vehicles. He'd have to shoot out the other vehicles' tires, which ran the risk of him getting shot again, but it was a risk he had to take. 

He reached into his pocket, pulling out the silencer and screwing it onto the end of his gun. He had to move before the two goons who had been chasing him caught up. Heart pounding in his chest, he started forward again. His footsteps virtually soundless against the concrete, and he was on the guards before they knew it. He sent a bullet right through one's skull, and the other lunged at him. 

A well placed punch straight to his trachea, had the man gasping and choking. Another bullet fired, and he made a last choking noise before his body collapsed to the ground. Lucas scanned the area one last time before he rushed to the nearest car and slipped into it. His hands ran around the steering column, feeling for the keys. A jolt of relief rushing through his fingers hit him, but it was gone with the sound of shouts. Clenching his jaw, he pointed his gun at the tires of the two other vehicles and blew them out. They exploded with loud bursts, and he slammed the car door shut while twisting the key. 

The next few seconds happened fast. He shifted into gear, and put a lead foot on the gas while bullets went flying past him. He heard the rear window shatter as he hit reverse and his fingers slammed down on the lock button just in time, as one man tried to pull the door open. The tires spun with a squeal and the car peeled out and away from the docks. Lucas kept his head down, until the sound of gunfire had become a distant echo. His heart was hammering wildly and madly in his chest. As soon as he could, he turned off the main road. It was a rookie mistake to stay on the main stretch of road, thinking you were in the clear. His breathing was loud, and reverberated through his body. His scalp prickled nervously and he wiped the sweat from his brow. He reached down, his hand brushing his go-bag that he had stored on a boat and inanely he wondered who sold him out this time. 

Hopefully not the Americans, since they were the ones he was going to meet. He had little choice at this point though, and a wave of dizziness flooded through him. 

Mentally cursing, he clumsily searched through the car until he came across a bottle of pills in the glove compartment. He quickly read the name of the drug, and realized it was a clever name for cocaine pills. Twisting the bottle open, he swallowed one of the pills. He had to stay awake, and he had to stay alert. He also noticed that this car wasn't just anyone's car. It was Tarasov's personal vehicle which only made him laugh, sardonically. Stealing a major Russia crime lord's car was asking for trouble, but hell, Lucas was already deep in it already. 

What was a little bit more? 

He carefully scanned the roads, and checked his rearview mirrors dutifully. No lights, no other cars were to be seen. He let out a breath, and pressed down on the gas a little more firmly. The ride was uneventful and took twenty minutes, but they were some of the longest minutes that Lucas had ever experienced in his entire life. And yet, at the same time, it was all too soon that he found himself there at the rendezvous point. He stared at the men standing in front of the plane, ever patient. He took at deep breath and collected himself, before reaching in the back seat and snagging Tarasov's silk jacket. It probably cost a few thousand dollars, and he wrapped it tightly around his wounded leg. He got a little more pleasure out of it than he should, he thought, watching the jacket soak up his blood for a moment. Then, taking a deep breath, he shoved the car door open and stumbled out. 

Three men stood in blue jackets, with three yellow letters on them. 

FBI. The Federal Bureau of Investigation hadn't been his first choice, he would have preferred the CIA or Homeland Security to deal with, but he didn't have the time or connections anymore to warrant such a thing. He reluctantly let them search him, and take his bag and gun from him. He had to swallow back all his instincts that told him to lash out, while he stared steadily ahead at the man who seemed to be in charge. 

He wasn't a tall man, but he wasn't exactly short, either. He was balding, and his face was worn with age and troubles. 

However, there was a glint in his eye that let Lucas know that this was a man he could get along with rather well, and someone that he didn't want as his enemy. When the two backed away from their search, the third man stepped forward. 

"John Bateman?" The man asked, carefully. 

Lucas grimaced. "I prefer Lucas North, actually," he corrected the FBI agent, carefully. "You Agent Fornell?" Lucas asked, his tone wary. 

A light smirk graced Fornell's lips. "They said you were good, but I didn't expect you to actually make it here with all the Russians gunning for you," Fornell quipped, his eyes intently scanning North, silently gauging him. 

"You knew about the Russians?" Lucas asked, eyebrow raised. He was always best when he was suspicious. 

"I know a lot of things," Fornell said, with an uncaring shrug. "What about you, North? What do you know?" 

"I know a little about a lot of things," Lucas said, conversationally with his trademark smirk. "Just enough to make me dangerous." 

"Of that I have no doubt," Agent Fornell said, with a humorless smile. He gestured towards the plane. "Shall we?" he asked, eyebrow raised. 

Lucas put up no argument and made no sudden movements, ever wary of the eyes lingering on him, filled with distrust. It was only natural they distrusted him. He was a spy from another country, a spy who had betrayed his country, once unknowingly, and almost did it again, knowingly. He made his way up to the plane, wincing with every step, and he let out a long sigh once he was able to sit down. Fornell immediately summoned their medical personnel, and asked, "Need something for that leg, North?" 

"Already had something," Lucas said, fishing out the bottle of pills and tossing them to Fornell. 

Fornell caught it more swiftly than Lucas thought the man capable of. Fornell's hazel eyes flickered down to the bottle, with a frown. "Cocaine capsules?" Fornell cocked an eyebrow. "Didn't take you for a drug user." 

"I don't," Lucas said, flinching as the doctor took a look at his leg. The man had to poke and prod, after swabbing the wound clean with alcohol. "But unfortunately, circumstances and all that," he shrugged, or tried to. 

"Clean through. No bone broken either," the doctor said, frankly amazed. "You are very lucky." 

Lucas and Fornell both snorted. Lucas tested the bandages after the doctor was finished wrapping the leg, and he felt his nerves ease at the motion of the plane beginning to take off. Just a few more hours, then I will be free, Lucas thought, closing his eyes. Or, at least, as free as a person like me can be. 

Absentmindedly, he picked up Tarasov's jacket and laid it beside him, when something caught his attention. Now what is this, Lucas thought, as he pulled free the piece of paper from the jacket pocket and found it was a photograph. 

A name had been inscribed on the back in red ink, Evelyn. Slowly and curiously, he flipped it over and found himself staring at an angel faced beauty. Her skin was the color of porcelain and looked as soft as cream. She had a soft square jaw, indicating a deep strength, with soft plush lips paired with an aquiline nose. Her eyes were blue with specks of gray hidden within them, and were soft, filled with a bright, innocent kind of light. Her lips were pulled up in a bright smile, and she looked genuinely happy, sitting in the grass, enjoying what appeared to be a picnic. Yet there was something so heartbreakingly fragile about her, as if one word could shatter her happy existence and turn it all dark. His finger glided over the glossy paper, a smear of blood traveling in its wake. She didn't look like Tarasov's usual pickings, and yet was significant enough for the man to keep her picture in his breast pocket. 

"What is that?" Fornell caught him staring at the photo. 

Lucas' eyes flicked up, and he shot Fornell a long debating look. He, for reasons beyond him, didn't want to hand the photo over. There was something magnetic about the girl, but he was here to cooperate with the FBI, after all. It was best to start cooperating. He held the photo out towards Fornell, and quirked a half smile. "You tell me." _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Two and Half Years Later 

Washington D.C. 

July 18th, 2008

Washington D.C. was thriving with life, even at dusk. There was an energy that hummed through the concrete and pulsed up through the soles of her feet all the way up to the top her head. Evelyn Matthew's blue eyes darted all around her, and she shifted the book bag on her aching shoulder. She reached up and tugged her hood further over her head, encasing her face further in shadows. She could never stop looking over her shoulder, it was too engrained in her now. She had made decisions the last few years that had consequences that would always follow her, and the giant blue stone on her bracelet was heavy. 

Maybe half that was guilt, but the other half...it was best not to think about it. She crossed the street towards the diner, it was nothing fancy, but it wasn't gaudy like other places she been to before. Evelyn pressed her palm against the metal handle and shoved the door open gently. Above her a bell jingled announcing her, and causing her to wince. 

"I'll be with you in a minute, hun," a voice from somewhere in the back called out. Evelyn paused for the briefest of seconds before scanning the diner for a seat that wasn't out in the open, and where she wouldn't have her back towards any doors. Finally finding a seat where she would be most comfortable, she slipped off her book bag and set it in the seat beside her to discourage anyone else from sitting beside her. Her fingers drew the zipper open and she carefully pulled her laptop out. She set it up in front of her on the table, when the sound of soft soles squeaking against the laminate floor made her jerk her head up to see a waitress making her way towards her. 

She was an older lady, in a simple red polka dot dress with a white apron wrapped around her waist. Evie could smell her perfume from three feet away, and the sharp smell sent a spike of pain through her skull. Rubbing her temples, she tried to work up a smile as the waitress stopped beside her table. 

"What can I get you, hun?" the waitress asked, kindly. 

"I...uh," Evelyn reached out, and fumbled with the menu. "The... the number four, but can I have that with coffee?" 

"You can, but I have to warn you it's a day old," the waitress said as she wrote the order down on her pad. 

"The best kind," Evelyn said, with a half smile. 

The waitress chuckled. "If you say so," she said, amused, before turning on her heel and heading back towards the kitchen, leaving Evelyn in peace. 

She waited until the woman was out of sight before she turned on the computer. There were several thoughts swirling around her mind, as she fished out a receipt that was crumbled in her pocket and a pen out of her bag. Evelyn hastily scrawled the steps of her plan, on the back of the receipt. She scrutinized the words for several seconds, before a satisfied feeling soothed the nerves prickling along her skin. 

Step One: Finding a House.  
Step Two: Acquire the job.  
Step Three: Take it from there.

Okay, so admittedly her plan was simple and incomplete, but Evelyn was in a situation that normally people didn't find themselves in. Then again admittedly normal people did not have the kind of life that she had, she thought with a mirthless smile. She had to play it by ear, and had to do so carefully. 

While her line of work wasn't illegal (mostly), she had made enemies as the aches and pains of her body reminded her. She tugged the sleeves of her shirt down to hide the cuts and burns. She glanced around the diner, the air smelt of grease and days old coffee. 

She took note that there was only a waitress, and two cooks working here at this time. She pinched the bridge of her nose as the fluorescent light above her buzzed nosily, only making her headache turn into a full blown migraine. Her heart thudded in her chest, anticipation pulsing through her veins like a living thing. She returned her stare down to the laptop that sat in front of her as she shifted to get more comfortable. 

Evelyn had gone by many names in her lifetime, but none of them were as important as Kelly Gibbs. It had been years... so many years since she had been called that name, at least by someone that mattered. It hit her more than ever, as she stared at the NCIS application that she was currently filling out. She was applying for a simple filing job, something under the radar, but that would bring her in constant contact with the one person that Evelyn wished to avoid, and yet see more than anything. 

Her father, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. 

Her heart jumped within her chest, and she swallowed thickly before she ran a hand down her face. Tiredly, she stared down at the application and looked over it once again. She made her application clean, and opted to leave out certain things. It would probably raise more suspicion than she was comfortable with. The last thing she needed was anyone getting suspicious. A loud bang from the kitchen made her jump, her spine stiffened as she was immediately plunged back into a dark memory. 

_The rain was pouring, harsh and unrelenting. Someone running, their footsteps loud against the slick asphalt. A loud crack echoed through the night, and a body fell as blood splattered-_

"Hon? Hon, are you alright?" the waitress asked. 

Evelyn was jolted out of the memory by the sound of her voice, and visibly startled. All the blood drained out of her face, and her blue eyes were wide with panic. "What?" she asked, then shook her head ever so slightly. "Yes, I'm fine." Evelyn managed to put on a convincing smile. The waitress looked unconvinced, but did not say anything as she set down the plate of eggs and bacon in front of Evelyn, then poured her a cup coffee. "Thank you," Evelyn said, politely. 

"You're welcome," the waitress said and smiled slightly before she walked away. 

Evelyn tunneled her fingers through her hair and sucked in a sharp breath. She didn't know if she had a right to do this, and was not certain that it was the safest thing to do. Sometimes the past was best forgotten and stowed away in a place it would never be found, but that did nothing to smother the deep aching her chest. 

A constant longing that ripped through her like shattered glass every time her heart took a beat. The images of her mother (not the ones from her nightmares, where she was bloody and in pieces) and her dad before the accident happened. Before her dad got sent off to war, and before things had spiraled so quickly out of control. 

Sometimes, she just hated her memories. The bad ones. The good ones. It didn't matter. Eventually all memories led to the darker ones, and Evelyn squeezed her eyes closed tightly. She let out a long breath, her hands massaging the tense muscles of her neck. There was a ripple of pain and guilt that hit her. She shook her head. A pang of guilt hit her, and she stabbed the fork into her eggs before shoving a large bite into her mouth. Thoughtfully she chewed it, and she begin to consider her options. 

She had to get into the FBI, CIA, or NCIS. That was a given, but she felt herself leaning towards NCIS more and more. She couldn't quite quell the need to see her father, even if she did not tell him who she was. A small part of her wanted to more than anything. The other part of her told her that it was a child's dream. It had been so many years. 

Too many years. 

It would make things unnecessarily complicated, and would not be good for anyone involved, she told herself. The bacon crunched in her mouth and she washed it down with the stale coffee. Tapping her fingers across the keyboard, she looked at the screen with narrowed eyes as her jaw locked. Determination glinted in her bluish grey eyes, and she finished up her application and sent it in before she could change her mind. 

As she closed the window, she paused at the picture of her father that she came face to face with. She missed him. She could honestly admit that with no shame or regret. It's why even after all these years she checked on him every so often. Most days Evelyn could keep the ghosts at bay, but there were some days that Kelly would not be put to rest. 

She took down the picture with a heavy heart while solemnly swearing that she would not dig up that past, no matter how much a part of her wanted to. 

Too bad she was never good at keeping promises to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review!


	2. Life is What You Make It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn joins NCIS, but not in the way she anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything from MI-5/Spooks, or NCIS. This is just a story made for my amusement, and hopefully all of yours as well. This will mostly revolve around the NCIS universe, with strong elements from MI-5. There will small elements from Nancy Drew: Silent Spy (which I don't own, disclaimer here), but just bits of the storyline from the game, no actual characters from Nancy Drew will be present.)  
> Summary: Kelly Gibbs is very much alive, but she has miles of baggage she is carrying, and the ever present danger nipping at her heels.  
> Pairings: Evelyn(Kelly)/Lucas North  
> Gibbs/Jenny  
> Tony/Ziva  
> Abby/McGee  
> Warnings: Mentions of Torture, PTSD, Violence, Language, and Sexual Situation and brief mention of drug use

  
[](https://www.flickr.com/gp/152592576@N08/hR3822)

* * *

CHAPTER TWO

'Life Is What You Make It' 

* * *

Evelyn allowed her eyes to roam around the NCIS lobby while she waited for security to verify her appointment. The building was full of warm, inviting colors, such as rich browns and tans. However they couldn't quite dispel the sense of dread that knotted in her stomach. She let out a long breath, her fingers idly twisted the chain of her locket while she shot a wary look at the security guard who approached her once more. 

"It all checks out. You'll knock 'em dead in that outfit," the guard told her, with a wink as he handed over the visitor badge. 

Evelyn smiled, bemused. She hadn't thought the simple black skirt and contrasting sweater warranted such a compliment. It had to be color, she concluded as her eyes flickered over several people. Most were wearing dark colors: blacks, browns and grays. 

She stood out like a cardinal in a sea of black crows, decked out in her crimson sweater. She shifted the strap of her purse resting on her shoulder, as she stepped into the elevator. When the elevator doors slid closed, leaving her enclosed and alone, despite her best efforts, she felt a trickle of fear slide down her spine. Swallowing thickly, she smoothed the rebellious strand of dark red hair back behind her ear, and she scrunched her eyes closed for the briefest of moments. 

The florescent lights buzzed noisily, and the sound pressed in on her, almost painfully. The stress of today was already heavy upon her shoulders and, as she forced her eyes open, she stared at her distorted reflection in the metal wall. 

Evelyn wouldn't say she was always certain, but she had never felt this degree of uncertainty before. It was painful, borderline nauseating. Absentmindedly she smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles in her sweater and skirt, while looking at the dark circles under her eyes. She had tried to conceal them the best she could with make up, but even makeup wasn't a miracle worker after four days with less than 4 hours of sleep each night. 

A weighty sigh fell from her lips, and a frown seemed permanently attached to her face. The elevator doors slid open with a ding, and she stepped out with her head held high. Her gaze swept over the activity on the floor. Voices came from all directions, as people were hurrying about their business, leaving her momentarily dizzy. She had never been one for crowds and much preferred being the wall flower; taking it all in from a distance rather than being in the middle of the fray. Remembering the instructions that security had given her, Evelyn took a step forward when the cell phone in her purse began to ring. 

She jumped, much to her embarrassment and hissed a quiet curse under her breath. Unzipping the bag, she slipped her hand inside, shifting through it for a few moments while 'You Are My Sunshine' played all the while. The relief she felt when she pulled out the phone and answered it, could not be described. 

"Hello, Evelyn speaking," she said, her eyes darting around and saw no one was paying her any mind. 

"Oh, hello, Evelyn! This is Lisa Daisy," the refined voice drawled from the other end of the connection. Mrs. Daisy was an older woman, who had finally given in to her children's urging and moved down to Florida. She put her old house up for sale, one that Evelyn had adored as a child. It wasn't like any of the other houses in the D.C. area, the original architect taking his inspiration from the grand old mansions of the south during the Civil War Era. It was close enough to town without being inconvenient, yet far enough out in the country that she had no worry of nosy neighbors. "How are you, m'dear?" 

"I am very fine today, thank you," Evelyn said, pleasantly. She leaned against the wall out of the way, and watched the people who moved by. 

Her eyes searched for her father, even though she had promised herself that she wouldn't. There was a lurch from her body when she spotted a splash of grey hair, only to slump back against the wall with disappointment when the man turned. He wasn't him. Her fingers tightened around her phone, and she reminded herself that she wasn't here for that. "And yourself?" "Ah, suffering. I'm afraid my old knees just aren't up for gardening anymore and my flowers are paying the price." Mrs. Daisy heaved a sorrowful sigh. "You will take care of the flowers, won't you, darling?" 

"Of course," Evelyn easily agreed. And she would. Picking the right plants, and strategically placing them around the house would add an extra layer of security and would help ease her fears. The fact that she genuinely enjoyed gardening was simply a bonus. "You know," she added, "you could have knee replacement surgery, Mrs. Daisy. I hear it is all the rage." 

"Oh, I heard about that. Not sure I'm up for it though," Mrs. Daisy said, distastefully. "I abhor hospitals and doctors these days. No bedside manners at all, I tell you." 

"There are good ones, you just have to look." 

"If you say so, dear." Mrs. Daisy sounded unconvinced. 

Evelyn couldn't help, but to chuckle. "Anyways," Evelyn said, now that the social requirements had been satisfied, "has the realtor finalized all the paperwork and has it ready for us to sign?" 

"Yes, yes, all we have to do is sign," Mrs. Daisy confirmed, sweetly. "I trust that you are still available this afternoon?" 

Evelyn's shoulder straightened as the weight of worry eased up ever so slightly. "That sounds perfect. Thank you, Mrs. Daisy, you do not know how much I appreciate this," Evie said, unable to contain the feelings of elation in her chest. 

"Oh, splendid, splendid," Mrs. Daisy replied, breezily. "I shall have some tea and cakes made for us then. It's been a pleasure speaking to you, hon." 

"The pleasure was all mine," Evie grinned, broadly. "Good-bye, Mrs. Daisy." 

"Bye-bye!" 

Evelyn snapped her phone shut, allowing a triumphant smile to grace her lips. Phase one: Housing, almost complete. Now, she just had to secure the job. With a new confidence in her step, she moved away from the wall, when suddenly there was a man in her way. She halted, and blinked up at him with bemusement evident on her face. 

"Hello," the man said, charmingly. 

"Um... Hello?" Evelyn blinked. 

He was a good-looking man, with a boyish grin and his green eyes, with specs of hazel, appeared playful. It was almost easy to miss the keen intelligence within them. Perhaps that's what the man wanted, others to underestimate him. 

"Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo," he smiled, brightly. "If you need any questions answered, or help with anything, it would be my pleasure to be of service." 

Evelyn raised an eyebrow, and let out a chuckle. "That might mean more if you hadn't just checked out my cleavage," she told him, suppressing a smirk. 

He just shrugged, without a lick of shame upon his face. "Well, in my defense it is a nice, tight sweater," he said, with a broad and charming smile. 

Evelyn snorted in amusement because she had a feeling that he was merely teasing, rather than serious. "So I've noticed," she stated wryly, with an eyebrow arched. "I'm Evelyn Matthews, it has been... well, it's been something, Anthony, though I'm not entirely sure what, yet. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment I can't afford to miss." 

As she walked away, she heard a couple people laughing, but she barely paid them any mind. She walked up the metal stairs and towards the office she had been directed to. She opened the door and walked into the room. It was more cozy than the rest of the building, with several personal touches, most likely done by the young mocha tan skinned woman behind the desk. 

"Yes?" The secretary looked up at her, expectantly. 

"Uh, yes." Evelyn gathered her wits about her. "Evelyn Matthews. I have an interview," she said. 

The secretary glanced down at her schedule and nodded ever so slightly, before lifting her head to give Evelyn a smile of encouragement. "Yes, you can go right in. The Director is expecting you." 

"The Director?" Her eyes widened comically, and her mouth dropped open in an unladylike gape. "I think there's been a mistake," Evelyn stated, turning towards the secretary. "I am Evelyn Matthews. I'm just here for an interview, not anything so important to warrant the Director's attention." 

_Unless the DNA test was run not only through the criminal and terrorist databases, but also through their employee database, as well._ Evelyn's stomach twisted, and perspiration broke out on her skin. "Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I was under the impression that I was merely coming in for an interview," she stated, feeling more nervous than she cared to admit. 

"You are," the secretary said, with a sympathetic smile that only served to make Evelyn more nervous. "Go right on in when you are ready," the woman told her, before returning to her phone call. 

Evelyn stood there, her blue eyes flickering towards the door and were filled with apprehension. There was an unsettling sensation churning in her gut, and more than a little suspicion racing through her mind. 

Why would the Director of NCIS wish to handle an interview when he clearly had more important responsibilities to deal with? It made little sense. A resigned sigh fell from her lips, and she headed towards the door, while steeling her faltering resolve. The door handle was cold as ice against her skin as she twisted it slowly. She stepped across the threshold, and shut the door silently behind her. 

"Ah, Miss Matthews." A woman stood behind the desk, entirely unlike what Evelyn expected. Her hair was short, and a deep rich red. 

She was dressed in a sharp blue suit that enhanced her feminine figure. Her expression was polite, but there was sternness there. This was a no-nonsense woman with eyes that were intelligent and sharp, but not unkind, and her lips were turned up into a tiny smile. "Please, have a seat," the woman gestured before setting down behind the Director's desk. Evelyn hesitated for a moment too long, and the woman looked back at her. "Is there a problem?" Her eyebrow quirked upward. 

"Well, to be honest, you aren't exactly what I was expecting," Evelyn stated, being honestly blunt. Her head tilted to the side ever so slightly, and she stared at the redhaired woman keenly. _Single. Longing. Insomniac. Dedicated,_ Evelyn thought, as she took in the lack of a wedding band or sign there had ever been one. Job came first, and if there was time, life came second. However, the clear lip gloss and light blue eye shadow were clear signs that she did indeed wish for someone to see her as a woman. Probably someone working here at NCIS. Dark circles and stress lines surrounding the woman's eyes gave away her lack of sleep, while black ink was smeared on her right fingertip, and a mountainous stack of papers indicated she had been hard at work. 

"Ah, I see," the redheaded woman inclined her head in understanding. 'Director Shepard' was her name, if the name plaque sitting upon her desk was to be trusted. "Let me take a guess, you were expecting an old man, grey suit, possibly balding, instead you found me." 

"Pretty much," Evie said, with a sheepish smile. 

"Well, if you had been here three years ago, your expectations wouldn't have been that far off, but NCIS has gotten new blood since then," Director Sheppard said, with a half smirk. "Speaking of which, it is why I brought you here." 

"Alright...?" Evelyn's brows furrowed. Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly when she saw a file on top of Director Shepard's desk. A file with her name on it. 

Slowly and purposefully, Evelyn lowered herself into a chair and kept her expression carefully composed. "Ma'am, if I may, what is this all about?" Evie asked, a fragment of nervousness in her voice. "I was merely coming here for a normal job interview." 

"Please, just call me Director, and we will get to that in a moment, Miss Matthews," Director Shepard stated, pushing the file out of the way. Those eyes of hers were piercing, as she regarded Evelyn intently. "Now, I've been looking over your file and I have to say I have a few... concerns, shall we say?" 

"What concerns?" Evelyn asked, frowning. 

"Let me see." The Director slid on a pair of glasses, her eyes narrowing at a piece of paper before her. "Four jobs in the last three years. That is not impressive." 

"You mean it's alarming. I get it and understand why, but all I have to say in my defense is that I haven't found the right fit, yet," Evelyn said, mildly. It took everything she had to keep her breathing calm and even, and keep a professional manner up. She hadn't expected to deal with the Director and, to be honest, it left her more than a little nervous. One slip up could undermine months of work, and Evelyn could not afford that to happen. 

"Hmm, well, you certainly have glowing recommendations regardless of that," Director Shepard murmured. "Another concern I have is that you are applying for a...," Sheppard opened the file, retrieving the application, "desk job, when clearly it's ill suited to you." 

"How so?" Evie asked, lightly. 

"You are a bright individual, if your list of accomplishments is any indication. So it baffles me as to why you applied to be a paper pusher," Shepard stated, with a slight tilt of her head, "when your skills would be more useful elsewhere." 

It was true. She could do well in a field job, she had done so before. Well, until that..., she shook her head, it wasn't best to dwell on that. However, she preferred the background jobs, the ones where she could fly under the radar. The anonymity of a desk job would be more beneficial, given all that had happened, but Evelyn couldn't exactly tell the Director any of that. 

"I... I just figured it was the best place for me," Evelyn stated, her voice flat and giving nothing away. 

Jenny smiled, but it wasn't exactly pleasant. It was a knowing smile that set Evelyn's teeth on edge. "Perhaps, but perhaps not. I will say that either way, NCIS will benefit from hiring you, however I am not entirely convinced that a desk job is what is best for you," the Director stated, seriously. "I would like to offer you a deal." 

Evelyn's brows furrowed, and her expression was wary. "What would this... deal entail exactly?" she drawled, slowly. 

"Three months. You work in the field on a team of my choosing," Shepard stated, a mysterious gleam in her green eyes. "A trial, if you will. After the three months is up, and you still feel that a desk job is for you, then it's yours. If the three months is up and you find that the field job is more to your liking than you would have thought, then you will be permanently assigned to a team." 

"But why?" Evelyn asked, her gaze sharp. "There's got to be a reason that you are doing this, and while I would like to believe in the goodness of people's hearts, I think there's more to it than that." 

Director Shepard was momentarily startled into silence, because, for a moment, she did not have an answer. Of course, Evelyn Matthews' file was impressive, and it would be a waste to have her sitting behind a desk. Yet Jenny couldn't blame that entirely for her decision. "I have a feeling you will do well here, is all," Jenny stated, staring at the woman's eyes, feeling like she was missing something big. It was the same feeling she had when she saw Evelyn Matthews' photo, a strange sense of Déjà vu. "So...do we have deal?" the Director asked, appearing aloof once more. 

Evelyn wasn't entirely convinced by the Director's reasoning, but the deal wasn't entirely bad. Three months in the bigger scheme of things wasn't that long and, while she didn't like the idea of drawing any sort of attention to herself, she had a feeling that making a big fuss would only serve to make her look suspicious. 

"We have a deal," she said, her lips pulling into a strained smile. "I need a week to be able to get my house in order, will that be a problem?" 

"Not at all," Jenny replied. 

"Thank you for... your time and this offer," Evelyn said, sincerely. "You're welcome," Jenny smiled, inclining her head ever so slightly. "I will get Cynthia to begin finalizing the paper work and we will get back with you within the week. Now, about the team you will be assigned to-" 

The office door was opened, and a man came walking through. He wore a dark brown suit, his face engraved with serious lines and his eyes were small, but their gaze was intent. He had thinning hair, and a deep frown upon his face, as he strode into the room. "Oh," the Director blinked, then frowned, "Agent Fornell. I wasn't expecting you..." 

"Yes, I know. But I needed to speak to you...," Fornell froze when he noticed another person in the office, and did a double take at Evelyn. 

Evelyn quirked an eyebrow at the reaction, but turned back to the Director. "I'll... take my leave?" She asked, uncertainly. 

"Yes, yes," the Director nodded. "You may go. We can... go over the rest of the details at a later date." 

Evelyn nodded with a tiny smile and rose from the chair. She walked towards the door and glanced at the man, Fornell. He was giving her a strange look that made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end and she hurried out of the room, trying to look like she wasn't running away. She glanced at her watch to find the time, when she ran into someone coming up the stairs. "Oh!" She cried out, reeling back when hot coffee spilt all down the front of her sweater. "Oh, my God! I am so sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going-" 

"I gathered that," a very familiar voice scathingly replied. 

Evelyn froze in wiping her sweater clean and slowly looked up. Her stomach dropped when she found herself staring into a pair of eyes identical to her own. Her mouth opened and closed several times at the impressive glower thrown her way and she felt her pulse hammering in her temples. Her mind tried to comprehend that he was here, right in front of her. She knew he would be here at NCIS, she knew that, but coming face to face with him made it a reality she never truly considered. 

"I am so sorry. Look I will pay for another coffee, if you want," she found her voice, and hated the tremble within it. Her heart was pounding in her ears, and she heard a voice in the back of her head say, 'Daddy.' 

"Don't have time," and he brushed past her like she was nothing. She stood there, dumbstruck and reeling, feeling as if the world had been swept out from underneath her. It felt like a great hand had smashed into her chest and ripped out her heart, squeezing and mashing it before shoving it back in all wrong. Emotion choked her, welling up in her throat, leaving it very hard to breath. She stared down at the steps for a long moment, trying somehow to pull it all together. Then suddenly, with a mind of their own, her feet pulled her forward down the stairs. She clenched her teeth, took deep and even breaths and determined to walk out of NCIS with her head held high. 

"Are you alright?" a man asked. He was a bit boyish looking, with wide eyes and a round face. His hair was a light brown, and he seemed to be working with a computer when he looked up and saw her crash into... him. Her father. 

"Never better," she answered him as she walked past his desk. "Thank you," she added, pausing for a brief moment. Then she continued walking, and only when the elevator slid closed and she was alone, did she allow the tears she had been holding in to fall. 

* * *

Lucas North attacked the punching bag with a feral ferocity. His teeth bared, his eyes narrowed, imagining the punching bag was an enemy. He wailed on the bag, muscles rippling in his back and chest, his tattoos shifting and contorting with his every movement. A sheen of sweat glisten on his skin, as he grunts echoed through the gym. Other men were hard at it, working on punching bags or boxing with each other. He paid them little mind, his entire focus going into extending his arms in sharp jabs. 

The contact with the punching bag was blunt, and he felt his heart race a little faster with each blow he landed. His breaths came a little sharper, and he felt the adrenaline flowing through his veins. He moves were sharp and lethal, until after fifteen minutes he started to slow and one of other people there suggested he take a break. He pulled back, his shoulders tight and taunt and grabbed his bottle of water, when he noticed his phone flashing, saying he'd gotten a text message. 

He sat down on the bench, flipping open the lid on his water and downed a swallow before grabbing his phone. It was a picture sent via text message from Fornell. He frowned, his eyes narrowing a bit. It had been a while since he dealt with Fornell personally, so whatever it was, it must be rather important. Opening the message, he felt his shoulders tense in shock. The photo was a bit pixilated, but there was no doubt who it was. It was the mysterious Evelyn. He had never forgotten that photo. Never forgotten her face. Perhaps it was his curious nature, or perhaps he was more intrigued by the woman in the picture than he originally thought. He scrolled down to read the message and stared at it for several long seconds, before he slowly flipped the phone shut and rested his chin on his knuckles. His expression was thoughtful as he gazed around the gym for a few moments before, slowly, a smirk appeared on his face. 

"What's got you in such a good mood?" One of the other boxers asked him. 

"I'm heading to D.C.," Lucas's smirk broadened. 

* * *

It had once been one huge house, bordering on a mansion. Now two large houses stood side by side, with forty to fifty feet in between them. A tasteful black iron fence, that stood a good ten feet tall, linked the two houses with ivy vines and climbing rose bushes and obscured any views of what lay behind it. A garden, Mrs. Daisy had told her. A fire, over a decade ago, had burned down a good portion of the house, and instead of rebuilding, Mrs. Daisy, on a whim, turned it into the garden. She liked gardening, so that was no hardship. The only downside with this gorgeous ideal place was that the houses didn't come together, meaning it was quite possible that she would have a neighbor. 

And she would have to share her garden with them. A laugh almost spilt past her lips as she thought, wryly, that really shouldn't be her biggest concern right now. "So... have you sold the other house yet?" 

She hoped beyond hope that she would have some solitude, and the last thing she needed was a nosy neighbor. 

"I have an interested party," Mrs. Daisy stated, with a wave of her hand. "But nothing set in stone. Now that we have everything settled, you'll be able to move in whenever you are ready." 

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate this," Evelyn smiled broadly at the woman. "Thank you." 

"Oh, you're welcome, dear." The older woman picked up her purse and gathered her things. She gave one last wistful glance at the place, and sighed lightly. "And I hope you enjoy your new home, as much as I enjoyed my time here." 

"You know what?" Evelyn looked up at the house, feeling a serenity wash over her that she hadn't felt in a long time. "I think I will." 

* * *

Gibbs had checked over the case file. A marine's wife and daughter had been kidnapped by an antiwar fanatic. In the end, they caught the man and managed to get the wife and daughter out without incident. It had been one of the lucky days, ones where everything got done right and everyone came out alive. Staring down at the case, he couldn't help, but wonder what he would have done if he had been in that situation. 

_If Shannon and Kelly had been…_ He shook his head as his gut twisted painfully. He couldn't let himself think like that. Shannon and Kelly were dead, and nothing could change that. He couldn't let himself dwell in the past like that. 

He had just shut the file when a shadow was cast over him. "Rough day?" Jenny asked, her eyes taking in the smudges of dirt on his suit, and his bloody cheek and split lip. 

Gibbs heaved a sigh, setting his pen down on his papers and resting his elbows on his desk, entwining his fingers to peer over them at her. "What is it exactly that you want, Jen?" he asked, his voice suspiciously light. 

"What makes you think I want something?" Jenny blinked, her expression seemingly innocent, but there was a calculation in her eyes that didn't escape Gibbs' notice. 

"I know you, Jen," Gibbs stated, eyebrow arched. "Conversations with you always come with conditions." 

Jenny looked a bit startled at that, and maybe a bit hurt, before she was able to put on her professional façade once more. She held a file out to him, and Gibbs' brow furrowed slightly as he took it. He flipped it open and found himself looking at what appeared to be an agent's file. He shot a quick look at Jenny, who was just standing there patiently, before he grabbed his glasses and slid them on. He looked back down at the file. "Evelyn Matthews... age 24..." His eyes ran over the various achievements, before he came to a startling fact. "What the hell, Jen? I already have three agents on my team, I do not need one more and, most certainly, not another I didn't pick." 

"Ziva has worked out fine, has she not?" Jenny countered, combatively. "And this is possibly not a permanent situation. I am giving her a three month trial with your team, and I expect," she gave him a pointed look, "you to be on your best behavior. You know what I mean, Jethro." 

"Why, Jen? My team is perfectly capable as it is," Gibbs stated, firmly. He preferred to pick the people on his team, because he knew what it took to make a good agent. He saw it in Jenny all those years ago. He saw in Tony, he had seen it in Kate, he saw it in McGee and, eventually, he saw it in Ziva, much to his surprise. His team was complete as far as he was concerned. They got the job done, what more could Jenny want from them? 

"It's not very often that a file comes across my desk like this, it makes me take notice. While I have seen applications with better, fancier recommendations than she has, this girl has something they don't. Potential, and that doesn't come around as often as it used to. I want her trained by the best that we have, and... as much as it pains me to admit it, that's you, Jethro," Jenny stated, vehemently and very seriously. She had her arms crossed over her chest, and she glowered down at Gibbs, just daring him to continue to argue. 

"A compliment, Jen?" Gibbs smirked ever so slightly. 

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Jethro," she retorted, her eyes crinkling ever so slightly, but her lips remained in a firm line. "She will be starting next week. Best behavior," she reminded him, before she turned on her heel and walked away. 

Gibbs watched her walk up the stairs, before he flipped the page of the file and found himself looking at Evelyn Matthews' photo. He found himself looking at the face of the girl who spilt his coffee. "Ah, hell!" Gibbs cursed, running a hand through his hair. He was not one to believe in fate or signs, he usually left that to Abby. However, if he did, he knew this sure as hell wasn't a good one. Not a good sign at all. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END OF CHAPTER  
> Hoped you enjoyed!  
> Rrs are appreciated, and always answered.


	3. Like Oil and Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn joins Gibbs's team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This case in the chapter is loosely based off a Criminal Minds episode.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything from MI-5/Spooks, or NCIS. This is just a story made for my amusement, and hopefully all of yours as well. This will mostly revolve around the NCIS universe, with strong elements from MI-5. There will small elements from Nancy Drew: Silent Spy (which I don't own, disclaimer here), but just bits of the storyline from the game, no actual characters from Nancy Drew will be present.)  
> Summary: Kelly Gibbs is very much alive, but she has miles of baggage she is carrying, and the ever present danger nipping at her heels.  
> Pairings: Evelyn(Kelly)/Lucas North  
> Gibbs/?  
> Tony/Ziva  
> Abby/McGee  
> Warnings: Mentions of Torture, PTSD, Violence, Language, and Sexual Situation and brief mention of drug use

[](https://www.flickr.com/gp/152592576@N08/u83z93)

CHAPTER THREE 

'Like Oil and Water'

Her head ached, and throbbed. She pressed the palms of her hands against her eyeballs, and heaved a long deep sigh. The sleep had been impossible. Nightmares had plagued her from dusk till dawn and she had gotten no rest. She stumbled through the boxes that she had yet to unpack, she made her way to the kitchen. The kitchen was huge and bright with three large windows, and the glass doors that opened out to the patio. The stainless steel appliances and marble counter tops that had excited her days ago, now made her wince as the sunlight beamed off of them. 

She reached up to the dark colored cabinets, and opened several of them until she found where she had store her medicine. Taking the bottle of aspirin, she pried open the top and popped two straight into her mouth. She swallowed thickly, before releasing a long breath and closed her eyes tightly. _She remembered the color of red, splattering across the cars interior in violent spray and driver's head snapping to the right before he slumped in the seat. She remembered the scream of terror her mother let out, her arms reaching out and holding her baby tight as the car spun out of control. The next few moments flash by in a sequence of events too fast, the glass shattering, their bodies slung about like ragdolls, and the screech of metal sliding across pavement. Then…then it all came to a sudden and abrupt halt._

She slammed her hands down onto the counter to jolt herself back into reality. _What is wrong with me?_ She thought as she took a deep breath, and tunneled her fingers through her hair. It was like she couldn't help, but think of death anymore. Their deaths. Her mother's death. Her own death. Evelyn brushed the fallen strands of hair out her face with a huff. She was simply not in the mood to deal with, not today of all days. A bitter chuckle ripped through her lips, and she wondered if perhaps that's why. Perhaps knowing that he was going to be there brought it all back. She ran her hands up her collarbone and wrapped them around her neck gently. She massaged the back of her neck, trying to elevate the tension in her muscles, and let out another sigh. "Stop," she told herself, firmly. "Just don't think about it. Just stop thinking about it. It is _that_ easy." 

What an unhelpful lie _that_ was. 

There was a heavy vibration in the air, an incessant whirr of electricity. Most people knew light only by sight, but Evelyn was sensitive that she could hear the electricity buzzing through lights-particularly fluorescent lights. It was a sharp insect like buzzing that grated on ever last nerve, and usually gave her a migraine. She did not hear any of that in the house, she had chosen certain kind low output lights to avoid that. So it was just a feeling of intense annoyance that reminded her so much of that. Her mind raced as she stood there, rooted to the spot. It had been a long time since Evelyn awoke in that hospital with no idea who she was, or where she was. By the time she remembered at the age nineteen, she had already been recruited into Cathedral and well, it just seemed like she would never get the chance to see her father. Even with her oaths that she would not delve into the past, she couldn't help, but to think about it. What would he say if she told the truth? Would he welcome her back? Would he get angry, and not believe her? Her mind flashed back to when she split coffee on him, and she felt her stomach twist violently. He had changed a great deal. His hair had become silver losing all its color, and his face had lines that weren't there before. Lines of grief and loss etched into his face, and his eyes were cold. She jolted when the annoying shrill alarm on her phone pierced the silence of the house. 

Jabbing her hand into her pocket, she pulled it out and looked at the time as she hit the dismiss button. The red numbers shining at her made her blink, and blink again. "Ah, hell," she groaned in disgust and turned on heel, rushing through the house. Six-thirty, the stupid time said. If she didn't hurry up, she was going to be late. "Damn it, damn it, damn it," she muttered as she sprang up the stairs in a hurry. Today was going to be a hell of a day. Emphasis on the hell part, she was more than a little certain. 

* * *

Darrin West made his way up the aisle of the pharmacy, and his hands were shaking, and his eyes flickered everywhere. His old army uniform was wrinkled and torn as if had worn it for days upon days. His gaze was distance as dark memories surfaced from the back of his mind. _Dry, deserted, silent. No sign of life. Then suddenly flames, and bullet fire. Dead bodies littered the ground, and a symbol…a horrifying symbol._ The bright, sterile lights of pharmacy brought him back to the present with a harsh shudder. 

"Sir?" The pharmacist asked, giving him a worried frown as he approached the counter. "Sir, are you okay?" she asked him, lightly. 

"Darrin West," he breathed out. 

The pharmacist opened her mouth, before she closed it and typed the name into the computer. She hit the enter button, and frowns heavily at the computer screen. "I'm sorry, sir. I don't have anything…" She gave him a sympathetic smile. 

Panic shot through him, and he shook his head. "No, no, no. I have refill left," he stated, firmly. This couldn't be happening. This could not be happening. 

The pharmacist rechecked. "No, I'm sorry," she shook her head. 

"This isn't…this isn't good," Darrin shook his head side to side, and he reached up, clutching his skull between his hands. "Make it stop…you have to make it stop…" 

A stock boy started over, when he noticed the commotion. "Sir, please calm down," the stock boy stated, his hands help upward in a peaceful gesture. 

Darrin's eyes locked onto the box cutter in his hand, and suddenly— _close. Messy. A man. Military man. Shiny blade. Violent struggle. Blood is EVERYWHERE!_ Darrin gulped in air, greedily and the stock boy touched his shoulder. The blade was right in Darrin's face, and he snapped. Darrin in a blur of movement grabbed the stock boy's knife, and plunged straight into his neck. The stock boy dropped down to the ground dead. 

_"AHHH!"_ The pharmacist screamed, in horror. 

The other customers backed away as a pool of blood covered the floor, and only one brave man rushed forward trying to put Darrin into a choke hold. Darrin screamed in rage and panic, twisting the blade and stabbed the man in the gut. He threw the man off of him, and looked around at all the horrified face, his free coming up to grasp his throbbing temple then he turned, running as fast as his feet could carry him out of the grocery store. 

* * *

"Does it hurt?" 

The squad room was as usual bustling with energy, and chatter. Abby was trailing after McGee who was having a bit of trouble adjusting to his crutches. "Only when I think about it…" McGee grimaced, as he determinedly tried to sit down at his desk with no help. It didn't work, in the end Abby had to help him into the seat. "Which is all the time," he groused, looking down at his leg with a glower. 

McGee reached for the tin can of cookies that Abby had set on his desk, and she slapped his hand. "Ouch!" McGee complained. 

"Those are for Gibbs," Abby sniffed, delicately. 

"Getting shot doesn't warrant a cookie?" McGee asked, with a slight pout. 

"Not when you got shot for being stupid," Abby eyed him with disdain, still more than a little angry with him for chasing after the last weeks bad guy without back up. The only one that had been more infuriated than her was Gibbs. "You're just lucky you go shot." 

"I'm lucky to have gotten shot?" McGee arched a brow. 

"Yep," Abby smirked. "If you hadn't, Gibbs would have made your life a living hell. With the gun wound, he'll settle for just making it a nightmare." 

"You words are always such a comfort, Abby," McGee said, dryly. He didn't deny her assumption though. She was probably right. He could just see it now. Mountain stacks upon mountain stacks of paper work that no one else wanted to do. Tony's paperwork, Ziva's paperwork, Gibbs's paperwork…he shuddered, fearfully. 

"Aren't they?" Abby said, with a sparkling smile. 

"Excuse me?" A calm and gentle voice interrupted their banter, and Abby turned to face a young red woman. She was dressed in black slacks, and a deep blue long sleeve shirt. Her red hair was pulled back into a ponytail, out of her face. She had a pair of blue eyes that were studying both Abby and McGee with an unnerving intent. "Hi," the woman said, with a fleeting smile. 

"Hi?" Abby asked, more than stated. 

"Can we help you?" McGee asked, more helpful than the goth. 

"Um, well, I'm not entirely sure," the woman said, with a tiny self-deprecating laugh as she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I was told by the Director to wait here for…well, she didn't exact tell me who to wait on," she said, with no small amount of exasperation in her voice. She stood there twisting her hand together nervously then gave a dry chuckle. "God, I am so sorry. Where are my manners at all? Evelyn Matthews, it's a pleasure to meet y'all," she said, with a half smile. She held out her hand, and Abby shook it. 

"Abby Scuito, and this is McGee," Abby introduced them. 

"Tim," McGee interjected, quickly. "You can call me Tim." 

"Real smooth there, Tim," Abby rolled her eyes while Tim flushed ever so slightly. 

"Ah…" Evelyn shifted on the balls of her feet, a bit of her nervousness and anxiousness that she couldn't quite hide. Her blue eyes flickered across the pair. The man, McGee, she noted was a writer judging by the callously upon his finger tips. The ink smudges indicated an older typewriter instead of a computer. Her eyes pulled towards the goth, Abby. She was dressed in a lab coat, which meant forensics not field agent. Underneath the lab abot was a black and purple plaid skirt paired with a t-shirt that had the cover of Android Lust's latest album art on it. Evelyn could say that she instantly liked her, which didn't often happen. "Right. It's a pleasure to meet you both, but I should probably find the Director and find out what's going on—" She began when a voice from behind her interrupted her. 

"Tight sweater!" Tony cried out. "We meet again. How about that?" He said as he came to a halt beside her with a charming smile upon his lips. 

"Yeah," Evelyn drawled out as she turned to face him. "How about that?" 

He shifted a tad closer to her, and Evelyn took a half a step back. "So how are you enjoying NCIS so far?" He asked, his grin broadened. 

"Oh, yeah. It's wonderful. The stuff dreams are made of," she replied, dryly. 

"Oh, the Maltese Falcon. That's a classic," Tony sighed, wistfully. "Samuel Spade is interviewed by the beautiful Miss Wonderly, who wishes to hire him to find her runaway sister. Sam's partner, Miles Archer, agrees to be present when Wonderly-you have no idea what I am talking about, do you?" 

"No, not exactly," Evelyn shook her head. 

"Not everyone is a movie fanatic like you, Tony," Ziva chuckled, wryly. 

"No one appreciates the classics these days," Tony sighed, looking so put out that Evelyn almost laughed. 

"Hey, now! I do, too, appreciate classic movies," Evie stated, with a mock scowl on her face. It wasn't often that she found someone she could fall so easily into banter with. Or anyone she had to try to banter with in a long time. She decided then and there, she would endeavor to be friends with Tony DiNozzo. 

"Oh? Really?" Tony arched a skeptical brow. 

"Yes, really. _She Done Him Wrong, White Heat_ and _Citizen Kane_ are some of my particular favorites," Evie listed off, watching as Tony's face fell. He looked stunned, then a genuine smile appeared on his face. 

"I think I just fell in love with you," Tony stated, a hand placed upon his heart. Abby sniggered, and McGee snorted lightly while Ziva rolled her eyes before going to her desk. Tony ignored them all, and smiled at Evelyn. "Evelyn Matthews—" 

"Our new agent," Gibbs walked into the room, with a coffee in hand and his eyes instantly zoomed on his newest headache. She was slight thing, standing only a few inches over five foot with dark reddish hair and she twisted to face him. He found himself staring into a youthful face, and for a moment he was struck. He wasn't exactly sure why he was taken aback, but if he had to guess it was the pair of blue eyes that drilled into him without remorse. He saw the briefest flicker of surprise, and a little bit of pain then her face was carefully polite. Suspicion instantly boiled in his gut, and his eyes narrowed as he looked over her with a keener gaze. 

"Our new agent?" Ziva asked, her voice light and her brows furrowed in confusion. Her dark gaze was on Evelyn, trying to determine whether the red head was a friend or not. 

"Yep," Gibbs said, the word popping on the last syllable. He took a sip of his coffee, the much needed caffeine like a jolt to his system and he felt much more in his element once more. "Everyone meet our newest team member," he said it with a dry tone of voice. Judging by his tight expression, he was far from pleased by this new development. 

Evelyn felt the weight of his stare, his gaze assessing and judging. For the briefest of moment, she had thought he had recognize her. Her heart leapt into her throat, and several words that she had been prepared promptly vanished before they could fall from her mouth. She found herself staring at him, with slightly widened eyes. It was much like the encounter on the stairs where she was completely thrown, by the fact that she was standing before him and the power of the emotions that rendered her speechless. "New agent?" Her voice sounded faint to her own ears. 

"Clearly the Director forgot to tell you some things," Gibbs stated, sardonically. His smirk was forced, and his eyes were not welcoming in the slightest. 

"Clearly," Evelyn repeated, with a small nod. Her fingers curled into fists at her sides, and she didn't break his stare, no matter how intimidating she found it. Her toes curled painfully in her shoes as she forced herself not to shift nervously underneath his piercing stare. The longer she stared at him, the more difference she could see between him and the way she remembered him. There was a hardness in his eyes, and lines that could only have been created from loss. A pang of guilt pierced through her and she wondered how much of that was put there because of her mother's death. And hers, too. Couldn't forget that for all intents and purposes, she was dead to her father. Evelyn stared at him, and him at her as if they were two opponents in battle waiting to see which one would strike first. 

"He is going in for the stare down," Tony whispered, loudly. 

"How long do you think she'll last?" Abby asked, her greenish hazel eyes wide. 

"Ten seconds," Ziva stated, bluntly. 

"Oh, harsh, Zee-va," Tony smirked, emphasizing her name. "I would have at least given the probie fifteen. Hey, Timmy, you aren't the probie anymore!" 

"It's Tim," McGee sighed, heavily and slight roll of his eyes. It was apparent that he endured this teasing often, and had become apathetic. Well, mostly apathetic. "She isn't even blinking," he added, a tone admiration in his voice. 

Gibbs snorted, but there was no amusement there. Evelyn's eyebrows rose just a hair, more bemused by the comments then really amused. Uncrossing her arms off her chest, she gave a heavy sigh. "Look, I get that you aren't happy…about this arrangement. I'm not exactly thrilled about it either," she stated, honestly. Honesty was after all the best policy…at least, up to a point. "But I will respect you, if you respect me." 

"Respect is earned, not given," Gibbs shot back, firmly. 

"And I give as good as I get," Evelyn shot back. "I don't do the power games, and I certainly don't put up with them. Especially not for three months, so you can't stop with the attempt at intimidation. It will get you nowhere." 

Gibbs felt a reluctant spark of admiration surge through him, there weren't many with the nerve to not cringe underneath his stare let only talk back to him. "We'll see about that," he stated, and walked around her. "DiNozzo, what do you got?" He asked, turning to his senior field agent. 

The clear dismissal hurt a lot more than she thought it would, but she shook the feeling off as best she could. He didn't know who she was, she reasoned with herself. He owed her nothing, because to him she was nothing more than a newbie agent who clearly wasn't wanted or needed on his team. She pressed her lips into a thin line and fought to keep her chin high and her expression aloof. 

Abby decided to have pity on Evelyn. It was clear that she was nervous, and anyone who could stand up to Gibbs without batting an eye earned some points in her eyes. "Gibbs is always like that," Abby assured her, with a slight smile. "Especially to new agents." 

"Oh, good. For a second I thought might have thought it was personal," said Evelyn, an edge of sarcasm to her words as she watched Tony give Gibbs a report. Her brows furrowed and she looked over at Abby questioningly. "What's a probie?" Evie asked. 

"Newbie," Abby explained. 

"Ah," Evelyn still felt confused. Probie sounded like it had more to do with alien encounters than having to do with being new at something. "Right. That makes…sense," she said, uncertainly. "So…looks like we'll be working together," Evelyn said, struggling to get back control of the situation somehow. It felt as the universe was laughing at her, spitefully. It felt like the only reasonable explanation right now as she stared at her father's back. A sense of helplessness washed over her because there was honestly nothing she could do. If she even tried to quit or ask to be transferred, it would bring up so many questions. 

_But can I handle looking into my father's face everyday and know that he only sees a stranger?_ Emotions swelled in her throat, threatening to choke her and her fingernails bit into the palms of her hands. That plummeting feeling hit her again, like she had just taken a nose drive off a cliff and there was no clear end in sight. 

"Looks like!" Abby smiled, brightly. "So…do you bowl?" 

"Bowl? As in bowling?" Evie looked confused. 

"Yep," Abby said. "So do you?" 

Evelyn opened her mouth to reply when the sound of doors slamming silenced her. Everyone in the squad room looked at turned to see the Director storm out of her office. Jenny eyes darted around the squad room before they landed on a familiar head of silver hair. "There you are. You need to get your gear," the Director stated, shortly as she briskly walked down the stairs. Her face was blanched of all color save for the make up she wore, and her eyes were serious. When Gibbs turned towards her, a silent question in his eyes, she gave a deep sigh. "Turn on the news," she said, her expression troubled. 

"That's never good," Tony said, sitting up his chair. Ziva stood up straight, and her arms folded over her chest while Timothy frowned. Abby shifted on her heels back and forth nervously. Evelyn stood there, a bemused expression on her face. 

"Which?" Gibbs asked. 

"It doesn't matter," Jenny stated, and that only made the growing tension in the room intense. Gibbs reached over, and turned on the screen that hung right above Ziva's desk. Instantly the picture flared to life and the picture of a pharmacy appeared on the screen. _"…just after eight this morning, twenty one year old Darrin West, a lifelong resident of the DC area, assaulted customers at this pharmacy right behind me."_ A reporter stood in front of the pharmacy, holding up her hood with one hand to fend off the blistering rain while she held the mic in the other hand. The screen briefly flickered to a blown up security photo of Darrin West, and Evelyn immediately fixated on the army uniform he was wearing. _"Eye witnesses saw him walking East on Main Street minutes afterward, where he once again lashed out attacking people in the street. He left five people injured in total, and two deceased. He hasn't been seen since then. He was wearing a worn army uniform, and if seen, the police ask civilians not to approach. He is to be considered armed and very, very dangerous."_

"Oh…my God…" Evelyn stared in shock. 

"Hell," Gibbs breathed out, running a hand down the back of his neck. It was already going to be hell of day, now it was going to be ten times worse. "Tony, Ziva get your gear. McGee I want to know everything about Darrin West. I want to know where he lived, who he is involved, I want the name of his first childhood pet and I want to know it yesterday," he ordered, and he turned to the Director, his face set into a blank mask. "Local authorities going to be any trouble?" 

"They have been told to give NCIS there full cooperation," Jenny stated, quietly. 

"Good," he gave a sharp nod. Tony, and headed towards the elevator and he glanced over at Evleyn who stood there uncertain. "You are coming, too, Matthews," he barked, and she jumped ever so slightly. She looked at him with surprise then a bit wary before she turned and made her way to the elevator. Gibbs looked at Jenny, who arched a brow at him. "You better hope your gut instinct was right about her," he warned, darkly. 

Jenny smirked. "I know it is," she retorted. "Here. Your new agent is going to need this," Jenny handed over Evelyn Matthew's new badge, and gun. 

Gibbs gave Jenny one last look, before taking the weapon and badge and headed out to the squad room without looking back. 

* * *

"It's a great house. Very quiet, very private. It has an oversized backyard. That's a big plus. The whole house has been newly renovated. There are upgrades all over the place. Stainless appliances, air-purification system. Total move-in condition. It's full furnished, and all appliances are included," Miss Daisy smiled, broadly as she showcased off the house. 

"Ah, that is quite nice," the man's voice came from the other room. His footfalls echoed through the house as he moved about. "I think that you have sold me on this place, Miss Daisy." 

_Ah, what a voice._ Miss Daisy cheeks pinked ever so slightly, because the accent complimented the handsome blue eyes man quite nicely. If only she was a few years younger. "I'll have the realtor bring down the paperwork," she smiled brightly, and turned on heel to go make the call before she turned around. "Oh, I may have forgotten to have a neighbor, in the other house. Lovely girl, Evelyn is her name. That won't be a problem will it Mr. North?" 

Lucas North rounded the corner, his blue eyes looking around the living space before he turned towards Miss Daisy. "That won't be a problem for me at all," he said, with a charming smile on his lips. "Just tell me where to sign."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END OF CHAPTER!  
> Next Chapter: The case heats up, while tension grows meanwhile Fornell tells what Lucas what exactly he is supposed to do.  
> Rrs are appreciated. :D


	4. The Line Drawn in the Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn's first case doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for the kudos! You all are wonderful! :D
> 
> I want to give a special thanks to Lillianschild, Smile, and BooksDon’tJustTellStories for leaving comments on my story. I really glad that you are enjoying it.

  
[](https://www.flickr.com/gp/152592576@N08/Zo4ce7)  


* * *

CHAPTER FOUR 

'The Line Drawn in the Sand'

Fear hung in the air, like a heavy weight. Even now hours after the incident, the fear was still so strong that Evelyn could almost taste it. The blood was bright against the white tile floor in the pharmacy, and she stared at it with troubled eyes. The sight of blood would always bother her no matter what. The sheen of liquid crimson sent shivers down her spine. There had been a time when she had seen too much blood, her own blood smeared across concrete walls where her screamed echoed in her ears. It was not a memory so easily forgotten and put away. She drew in a shuddering breath, wiping the sweat off her clammy brow. 

"You alright there, Matthews?" Tony appeared at her side, his brows furrowed. His eyes searched her face for a long moment, and he arched a brow. "Not going to upchuck, are you?" 

"Charming, Tony," Ziva gave him a flat look. Then her dark eyes flickered towards Evelyn, and she frowned ever so slightly. "Though his question is a valid one. You do look a bit…green?" Ziva stated, uncertain that was the right word. 

"It's nothing," Evelyn assured them, her voice sounding more breathless than she would have liked. "I'm fine. It's just…I've never gotten used to the sight of blood," she admitted, with a deep frown. 

"You're not the first agent to be sickened by death. McGee almost blew chunks at his first crime scene. You should ask him about it," Tony flashed a mischievous smile. Ziva coughed to hide her chuckle, because she knew McGee would not appreciate that. "You just have to find your morgue legs," Tony said to Evelyn, while patting her on the shoulder. “Then it will be smooth sailing from there.” 

"Morgue legs. Death humor," Evie spared him a humorless smile. "That's cute," she added, with a huffing laugh. 

"Cute? _Cute?"_ Tony looked horribly offended. "I'm charming! I am charismatic! Not cute," he corrected, his voice took on a sage like quality as if he were bestowing some great wisdom upon her. 

"Right…sorry," Evelyn's cheeks hurt so hard because she was trying not to smile. She failed and her lips twisted into a grin of amusement, which did nothing to soothe the man's wounded pride in the slightest. 

Tony nearly pouted. "I'm not cute," he defended. 

"Of course not, Tony," Ziva said, reaching up and squeezed his cheek like a grandmother would do to a child. Tony pulled away, and glared at her. 

"Laugh it up, David," Tony stated, darkly. 

"Oh, I am," Ziva said, with a broad grin. 

"Matthews," Gibbs barked. 

She tried not to cringe away, but she could not help it. The whole ride here had been a tense affair and it was hard to feign ignorance when she knew that without a doubt she was the cause of it. And Gibbs made sure she knew it. He was so sarcastic, and skeptical. He gave her this intense glower that almost made her give into the impulse of hiding her face every time he turned towards her. Instead, she forced her resolve become like steel because she would not give him any more reasons not to like her since he apparently already had a few. She turned towards Gibbs, her expression carefully composed. "There something you need, sir?" She asked. 

"Do not call me, sir," Gibbs told her, sharply. "I work for a living." 

"Then what am I to call you?" She asked, brows furrowed. 

"Boss," Gibbs stated, then held up her badge to showcase it off to her. "Here's your badge. Your gun however, is staying with me. And I will be taking your back up," Gibbs told her, his expression completely nonplused. 

"My back up?" Evelyn eyes widened. "You want my back up? Are you insane?" 

Gibbs did nothing, except hold out his hand and expecting completely obedience. Evelyn could think of several choice words to call him in that moment, but held them back with a bite to her tongue. She knelt down, and pulled up her pants leg. Taking the gun from its holster, and gave him a glare as she rose to her feet. "If this is some kind of trust exercise, it sucks," she informed him, bluntly and placed the gun his hand. She took the badge and held in a clenched hand watching as he passed off her gun to Ziva to put up somewhere. 

"You can keep your knives," Gibbs stated, just to let her know that he knew that she had them on her. Evelyn's eyebrows ticked with annoyance and admiration, but she merely nodded her head at him in acceptance. "Go see if you can help Ducky with anything," Gibbs ordered her. She was going to have to deal with her aversion to blood, sooner or later. Gibbs was going to make it sooner. 

"Duck?" Evelyn shot him a puzzled look. “Why is there a duck?” 

"Our Medical Examiner," Gibbs stated, his lips turned upward in a smile that really wasn't one. 

"Right…medical examiner," Evelyn murmured, still not sure what that had to do with a duck. "Like the one examining the body right now?" She looked over at the body, and saw an older man knelt beside the body. There was a compassion nature about him, and his eyes were filled with intelligence. She had no doubts that she would get along with the man quite well. Didn't mean that she exactly wanted to go near a dead body. Clenching and unclenching her fists at her side, a cold sweat broke out along her skin and she looked at Gibbs who was waiting patiently. "Yes, si…boss," she corrected herself, and walked towards Ducky with a sense of purpose. 

Tony and Ziva watched her go. Tony then said, "Ten bucks says she pukes." 

Gibbs glowered at them. "Get to work," he barked, then his eyes looked back at Evelyn. The girl was a web of inconsistency and contradiction that just Gibbs's with a bad flavor in his mouth. She also looked so damn familiar that it was hard to look at her. Hell, he acted like he didn't know who she reminded him of, but he did. She reminded him of Shannon. For a second, when he walked into the squad room he had to do a double take because for a split second he could have sworn she was Shannon. His heart had leapt into his throat, only to plummet seconds after with realization. His fingers clenched around his coffee cup as his eyes scanned the crime scene. "I should have got an aspirin," he muttered, underneath his breath. 

Evelyn was careful not to step on any blood, or anything that could be evidence as she made her way to the Medical Examiner's side. There was so much blood, and the smell of it twisted her stomach unpleasantly. She pressed her fingers to her nose, and looked at the fatal wound on his neck. "He bled out almost instantly," Evelyn breathed out. 

"Yes," Ducky nodded, solemnly. He then turned to look at her, and cocked his head to the side with a polite smile. "I don't believe we've met," he said, holding out his hand. "Dr. Donald Mallard, but everyone calls me Ducky." 

“Oh…” It was the medical examiner’s name, not an actual duck. Embarrassment wEllied up hotly in her cheeks while Evelyn shook his hand. “Evelyn Matthews…temporary team member," she introduced herself, with a light shrug of her shoulder. 

"Temporary?" Ducky arched a brow. 

"It's a three month trail kind of thing," Evie flashed him a slightly sheepish smile. "Is there…anything I can do? Agent Gibbs sent me here to help out," she gave a small shrug of her shoulders. 

"Well, that depends," Ducky said, with a twinkle in his eye. "What do you make of this?" He gestured towards the body, and Evelyn had a feeling this was some kind of test. 

Her head cocked to the side, she looked over the body and swallowed thickly. "The wound was quick, and efficiently done. No surprise given the fact that Darrin West is a soldier," Evelyn said, her brows furrowed. "But he left in a hurry. He was panic. Afraid. He either couldn’t believe he did what he had done, or he was too far gone to make sense of anything." 

"And you can tell all that _how?"_ Gibbs said, curiously. 

“Holy sh…” Evelyn bit off the curse, placing a hand of heart. It took her a moment to swallow down the knot of panic that had leapt into her throat, but when she did, she tossed him an annoyed look over her shoulder, but wisely did not say anything. Her attitude had done nothing to improve Gibbs mood or impression on her, and honestly she was one step away from giving him the full on bitchface. It wasn’t that she wanted to be that way to him, because she didn’t. 

It just…it just wasn't easy looking at him. Looking at him brought up a lot of things that she just couldn’t deal with. Every time she did she felt this tidal wave of emotion nearly knocking her right off her feet. Guilt, pain, longing. The way that he treated her with such suspicion and scathe felt something like being scraped raw from the inside out. She vowed to herself that she would leave the past in the past, but now that she was here…it didn't seem all that simple. And now, she wasn't exactly sure if that was really what she wanted all along. 

"The foot prints," she pointed at the blood foot prints that lead all the way towards the door. "If he were calm, they would be a straight shot towards the door. The blood could explain the lack of coordination, but like I said before, Darrin was a soldier. He could have easily compensated for that, but instead the foot prints are messy. He was unsteady, ergo he was panic." 

Gibbs tilted his head in consideration, then looked at Ducky. "What do you have for me, Ducky?" Gibbs asked. 

"I'm afraid that I will not be much help here, Jethro," Ducky sighed, heavily and rose to his feet. "There isn't much I can tell you about the body that you haven't already learned yourself, or what Miss Matthews hasn't told you." 

"So you agree with her assessment?" Gibbs asked, like Evelyn wasn't standing there. A slight pang went through her, but she didn't take it to heart this time. Or at least, she tried not to. 

"Yes, I do," Ducky said, shooting a sidelong glance at Jethro with a knowing look. He had known Gibbs for a long time, and knew him far too well. "I would wager that Darrin West behavior obviously stems from some kind of psychotic break. You find what trigger that, then you'll be able to figure out just where your killer went." 

Gibbs nodded. He had suspected as much, and he ran his hand through his hair. "Alright, Ducky. You have the all clear to bag him up," Gibbs told him, before he turned on heel. 

Evelyn watched him for a long moment, and finally was able to identify the feeling that always caught her off guard the most when around him. _Cheated._ She felt cheated. Cheated out of the years that she supposed to have her father and mother there. Cheated out of the life she should have had with her family, and her gut clenched painfully. Rising to her feet, she brushed her hair out of her face and got to work. It would give her something to take her mind off of the decision she thought she had made, the one she was truly going to have to make. 

* * *

Trust is a difficult. 

Lucas North hadn't slept in forty-eight hours and he hadn't shaved in twice that long. Four days worth of raspy whiskers covered his jaw, and dark circles hung underneath his eyes. He had worked tirelessly in setting up this house, and it hadn't helped his nerves that Fornell had a few men stick around most of the time. He let out a sigh of relief when they had left, and set about to add his own security measures for his peace of mine. 

Trust was a luxury that he could rarely afford, but one, unfortunately, he could not live without. It was difficult, whether finding the right people to trust or trusting the right people to do the wrong thing. Lucas North had to have trust in something. He had trust, though he used that term loosely, in the Agent Fornell in the FBI. He had trust that as long as he proved useful, he would have their backing and with their backing, he had accumulated several 'friends'. Just in case, there came a day that he would no longer be welcomed by the FBI any longer. Lucas sighed heavily, as he set up his apartment to his liking. Everything strategically placed and set up for the ultimate security. 

He pulled out a glass from a box when he heard it. The loosen floorboard in the entryway creaking ever so slightly, and he set the glass silently on the counter while he reached under the counter top for one of his many guns he had hidden through out the house. He raised the gun just as the man came around the corner. Lucas had to admit seeing the 'oh, shit' look across Fornell's face gave him more amusement than was really warranted. 

"Fornell," Lucas held the gun aimed for a second longer before he set it down on the counter. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked, his voice suspiciously light as he popped two ices cubes out of the tray and dropping them in his glass. 

"North, as sharp as ever," Fornell stated, with a half smirk. "I'm here to brief you on all that is expected of you." He tossed the file right in front of Lucas, and leaned forward, braced his knuckled on the marble countertop. "You are to find out what the connection between Evelyn Matthews and Tarasov is. You are to find, and figure out if there is some way to exploit it." 

"Tarasov has become aggressive?" Lucas frowned. 

"Extremely so. Several governments have stated their worry. Worried that Tarasov has bigger backing," Fornell divulged. 

"Terrorists?" Lucas asked. 

"Too early to tell." Fornell stated. Lucas eyed him, wondering if Fornell knew more than he was letting on but decided to leave it alone for now. He picked up the file thoughtful, as Fornell continued on, "Evelyn Matthews is currently working for NCIS, so you have to proceed with caution. Last thing we need is NCIS to find out we are tailing one of theirs, and get to some bitter agency disaster over it." 

"Duly noted," Lucas stated, and flipped open the file. He skimmed through it. Evelyn Matthews, age 24. Graduated from high school valedictorian. He was honestly not surprised to see a prom queen title, with all the after school stuff she participated with. She seemed like a brilliant home town girl that had gone off to do better things, so how did someone like her end up involved with Tarasov? Lucas thought with a frown. 

"Tail her. Befriend her. Hell, screw her if you think it will make her talk. Spy on her anyway you think is best. I don't care how you go about figuring it out. Just figure it out," Fornell ordered, none too nicely. "And do it without get yourself caught or worse." 

He glanced at her picture, and he mulled over what Fornell said. It would be no hardship to befriend, even to bed her. She was a beautiful woman, but there was a brief hesitance that Lucas felt at that. Evelyn Matthews wasn't the kind of woman a man used, and threw away lightly. No, she was one that could get underneath a man's skin determined stay there, like a drug and had a man helpless just waiting for another fix. She was the kind of woman that a man like him would never ever have. The kind that had a future far from the seedy dark things that he was knee deep in, and perhaps, he now understood the appeal she had to Tarasov after all. Men were always tempted by the forbidden. "I'll get it done," he stated, his voice firm with a conviction that left him utterly hollow in the pit of his stomach. 

* * *

There were days, Eleanor "Ellie" Bishop, found that working at the NSA sucked. Today was one of those days. She had been sent out to the Middle East to work on preemptive terror analysis, and had pinpointed several major players on the rise. However, a close call had her called back to Washington D.C., but Ellie had little illusions that as soon as the all clear was given that she would be sent right back. And she didn't mind. She did enjoy her job, she helped save lives with the work that she did and she wouldn't trade that for the world. However, she did not enjoy the meetings where she had to seat down with her superiors to give her report. It was frustrating to be talked down, especially when she knew she did damn good work. She knew it was because of her age and that she was female. 

Her bosses were all like that, but there were enough that were that made her so happy when she finally got a lunch break that she fled to her favorite restaurant, the Firefly, and got herself the roasted turkey club to go then found herself a nice little spot in the park underneath the shade of a tree and proceed to eat the sandwich with more relish than was necessary. She ignored the strange looks she got, and she finished the food. The familiar food, and the relaxed nature of the park, Ellie could feel the tension start ebbing away. 

That was until the hairs on the back of her neck rose in warning. A stare was pinned on her, and Ellie slowly rose to her feet. Her posture was tense, and she wished she had brought her weapon. That was until she heard a familiar voice come from behind her, "You ever feel like the universe is trying to tell you something?" 

Ellie spun around, and came face to face with Evelyn Matthews. Her face split into a wide grin as she took in the shock on Ellie's face, and she asked, "You miss me?" 

There were several things happening in that moment. A dog chased a Frisbee, a couple strolled hand in hand with sickly, sweet smiles on their face, and Elle Bishop's mouth dropped clear open. Her brown eyes widened in shock, and for a moment, it seemed she couldn't form words. "You're alive! Oh, my God! You are alive! Hallelujah!" Elle launched herself forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Evelyn, who had a bit of an bemused look on her face. She shook her head ever so slightly, biting back a laugh. 

"Too much?" Elle asked, in a whisper. 

"The hallelujah was a bit over the top, yeah," Evelyn gave a laugh, and Elle pulled away with a huff, crossed her arms over her chest. 

"Everyone's a critic," Elle said, her lips twitched upward. 

Evelyn tilted her head to the side, a questioning gleam in her eyes as she gestured between the two of them. "What was that exactly about?" She asked, with an eyebrow arched in ill hidden amusement. 

"Well, I had to be somewhat convincing just in case someone was watching," Elle stated, with a serious frown and hands placed on her hips. "I'm not exactly supposed to know you're alive, in case you have forgotten." 

"I have not forgotten and no one is watching," Evelyn stated, dryly. It had been almost a year since she had last been in contact with Elle, face to face that was. They had traded several emails through secure accounts, and was a lifeline in the sea of chaos that her life had spiraled down into. When Elle gave her an unconvinced look, she continued on, "I'm positive no one is watching. No one is looking for Evelyn Matthews. As far as the world is concerned Evelyn Matthews is no one that important." 

She walked over to the nearby bench, and sat down on it with wary sigh. Elle hesitated for the briefest of seconds before she took a seat beside her old friend. "As far as everyone knows…I'm a silent spy now," she said, her voice hushed and quiet. 

"The only silent spy-" Elle began. 

"Is a dead one," Evelyn finished, with a half smile. "I remember." 

Something flickered in Elle's gaze. "There…" she hesitated, and nervously tapped her fingers against her thigh. "There was a mole, wasn't there? I mean, you told me that something bad had happened, and I heard through the grapevine…well, I heard some things. Evelyn, did they-" 

"Yes," Evelyn cut her off, and closed her eyes. She braced her elbows on her knees, and leaned her forehead down on the knuckles of her entwined hands. That was a time in her life that she would rather forget all together. It brought up so much pain, so much betrayal that it left her physically ill. She drew in a breath, and then let it out slowly. "There was a leak…and it cost us. Just like you theorized." 

Elle looked down, and there were several moments where neither of them spoke. Evelyn stared out across the park, taking in the people who were all content and happy enjoying the perfect day. It was complete contrast to her mood, and that thought made her feel strangely empty. Sometimes she felt like all the good things in her had been ripped out, and she was scared of what was left. She leaned back against the bench, her hands falling to her sides in fists and she swallowed down the every building scream in the back of her throat. 

"I don't like being right sometimes," Elle whispered. Her brown eyes held sincere regret, and she reached out to give Evelyn's shoulder a comforting squeeze. "I am sorry. I don't know if I told you that, or not." 

Evelyn sighed. "And I'm sorry I didn't listen to you," she finally said, and ran her hands over her face. She rested her chin in her hands, and she tried to muster up a smile. It fell flat because she couldn't quite suppress the nausea that swept over her as the memories threatened to boil to the surface. "How have you been Elle?" She asked, eager to change the subject to something more safe. 

"Better than you," Elle said, with a half smile. "The NSA has me very busy. Especially in the Middle East. I'm sure they are going to send me back there as soon as they deem it safe enough." 

"It'll never be safe enough," Evie said. 

"I know, but the work is worth it," Elle stated, with a shrug. "If it means I can stop one bad person from being able to hurt another, or stop an attack that could devastated thousands of lives…the danger is worth it." She then flashed Evelyn a smile. "But you would already know that, wouldn't you?" 

"Better than most," Evelyn conceded with a nod. 

Elle paused for a moment, then shot Evelyn a very serious look. "Why did you come find me, Evie? Not that I'm not happy to see you," Elle pointed out, carefully. "But if you are wanting to hide from prying eyes like I know you do, visiting old friends isn't what you should be doing." 

Evelyn hesitated, and then hated herself for it. Trust had never been easy for Evelyn, but now she could hardly find it in her heart to place trust in anyone even though logically she knew that she could trust Elle. She wasn't like them, and yet Evelyn hesitated. Licking her lips, she looked down at her feet. "I needed an ear," she said, softly and looked like the human version of dog with its tail between its legs. 

"I have a couple to spare," Elle said, softly. Her heart hammered inside her chest, and she dropped her head into her hands feeling a piece inside her unravel every so slightly. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing, or not. "…I may have underestimated something," Evelyn admitted, a hesitance in her voice. "I got a job…as a field agent at NCIS," she dropped the bomb, with a wan smile. 

Elle stared at her for a moment. "NCIS. Naval Criminal Investigation Service. The NCIS that your father works at?" Elle hissed out underneath her breath. "I thought you were dead set against digging up the past?" 

"I was!" Evelyn said, defensively. "I was," she repeated, a little more quieter. "But…now, I'm not sure if I can leave the past alone…" She gnawed on her bottom lip, and shifted on the bench. "I saw my dad, and it felt like I had been hit by a bullet. He walked past me, he looked past me like I was nothing because to him I am nothing. I am nothing to my father, and I did not realize how badly that hurt until the moment I was confront with it head on." 

"Evelyn," Elle looked at her sadly. 

"And now…I've been assigned to his team," Evelyn croaked out, her eyes staring out at the distance with a glossy sheen to them. Her jaw felt tight and there was a lump in the back of her throat. "I didn't…realize how much I missed him. It was easier when it was in the back of mind, with all the memories. Now, it's going to be in my face everyday. I'm going to have to work side by side with him everyday. And I…" Her voice wavered. “And I don’t know how I can do that. I don’t think I’m strong enough to do that.” 

"Ah. The universe trying to tell you something. That's what that meant," Elle said, with a weak smile. Her brown eyes were filled with concern and worry. "Evelyn, what were thinking?" 

"I had a moment of insanity, okay? I just thought…I don't know what I thought. Elle, I really don't know what I'm going to do. This could open a whole other can of worms that I don't need right now. Not so…not so soon after everything that happened," Evelyn swallowed thickly. She felt her hands tremble, and folded them in her lap in a desperate attempt to keep them still. She could still feel the cold, the kind that settled deep into her bones and stole her breath right out of her lungs. She could remember huddling so tight into a corner, trying to find some way to keep warm. 

"But you're thinking about doing it anyways," Elle’s voice drew Evelyn out of her dark thought before they could get any worse. "Aren't you?" 

"I am," Evelyn nodded. 

"A moment of insanity?" 

"Probably," Evie ducked her head, with a sad and wry smile. There was this feeling in her chest, an ache in her heart and she repeated in a whisper, "Probably." 

* * *

"Okay," Tony stated, loudly to get everyone's attention while he placed his phone back into its cradle. "Well, I have a lead, but it's a bit of good news and bad news. It does seem that Darrin West has a bit of medical history with…" He made a gesture towards his head, and shook his head. "Mental problems. So much so that he was committed to a psychiatric hospital a year ago." 

"Just like we suspected," Ziva murmured. 

Gibbs tapped his finger impatiently on his desk, when he spotted his missing agent getting out of the elevator. His eyes narrowed upon her and when she approached them he immediately pounced. "Where have you been, Matthews?" Gibbs demanded. 

She sent him this flat look, with a humorless edge to her smile. "Follow up on a lead…boss," she added, as an afterthought more than out of respect. "What were you saying, Tony?" She prompted DiNozzo to continue with his lead. 

"Oh, right. So before I was rudely interrupted…" Tony trailed off when he caught Gibbs giving him a narrowed eyed look. "Not that I minded, boss. Feel free to interrupt me anytime." 

"DiNozzo," Gibbs's hand twitched. 

"Right! Anyways the good news, depending on how you look at it, is the doctors at hospital did confirm that Private West was treated there several months ago," Tony told all of them. 

"And the bad news, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked. 

"The doctors are refusing to tell me what he was treated for, and said they wouldn't release the information without a subpoena," Tony delivered the news, and then cringed a bit away as if expected head slap. 

Gibbs sighed, with a heavy frown upon his lips. "Then we'll just have to jump through some legal hoops, now won't we?" He stated, and gave McGee a pointed look. 

"Jumping through legal hoops?" Evelyn raised an eyebrow at the term, and cocked her head to the side. "When you mean legal hoops you mean try to get Darrin West medical records without a subpoena, don't you?" She asked, with her hands on her hips. 

"Jenny said you were clever," Gibbs stated, and Evelyn shot him a dark look knowing there was a backhanded comment in that sentence somewhere. 

"Isn't that a bit illegal?" Evie asked. 

"It's a gray area," Tony shrugged. 

"How gray?" Evelyn looked amused. 

Tony rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Probably around the charcoal kind of shade," he finally replied, with a smirk. 

"Right." Evelyn nodded, a bit patronizingly. "Well, I guess it is lucky for you that I managed to locate someone that might be able to help with that, so we will have no legal hoops to be jumping through." She held out the paper in her hand to Gibbs, and Gibbs took it slowly. "Rebecca West." 

"Wife?" Ziva guessed. 

"Sister," Evelyn corrected, lightly. "And she is his power of attorney. So if you can convince her, you might be able to her to give you West medical records." 

Was Gibbs surprised that Evelyn actually was following a lead than slacking off? A bit, but there was caution to her gaze when she answered and he had a feeling that a lead was not all she was following up on. He didn't like not knowing things. Knowledge, or lack there of, could mean the very difference between life and death for anyone in this job. He rose from his desk, and stared Evelyn down for a good moment. "Good job, Matthews." And with that Gibbs walked away. 

Evelyn stood there, still as a statue and her mouth dropped open in shock. She blinked, and blinked again before her jaw snapped shut with an audible click. She looked at Ziva who looked vaguely amused, then at Tony and McGee who looked as shocked as she felt. "Did he…did he just…" She couldn't even form the words, or make sense of the feeling that rose in the pit of her chest. 

"He did." Tony stated, a bit bemused. "It's a bit unnerving, like stepping into the twilight zone." 

Evelyn tossed him a look. "Do you ever go a day without quoting something or making a reference?" She asked, crossing her arms lazily over her chest. 

"Never," Tony stated, with a half smirk. 

She gave a light snort of amusement before her eyes flickered to where Gibbs had disappeared. "Where…where is he going?" Evelyn shook her head ever so slightly, trying not to dwell on the burst of warmth that went through her when she had comprehended Gibbs's words. Was the little girl buried deep within her so desperate for her father's attention that she was prepared to take any scraps he threw her way? Probably. Damn it, she was so screwed up. 

"One of Darrin West's commanding officers has come into to give a statement," McGee informed her, his fingers clicking away on the keyboard. His brows furrowed in concentration in his search. 

"Well, hopefully that will turn up more leads than we are," Ziva stated, more than a little exasperation in her tone. Her dark eyes raked across the evidence board with a decidedly pinched expression on her face. "We will be clucking like a chicken with it's legs cut off." 

"Uh…" Evelyn said, slowly. 

"What?" Ziva shot her a look. 

"It's running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, David. Not clucking, or legs cut off," Tony corrected, with a broad smirk. He had no qualms about calling Ziva on her misuse of the idiom, like he had so many times before. 

"What? How does a chicken run with its head cut off? It would be dead," Ziva said, vehemently while she gave Tony an affronted look. 

"Oh, they do," Tony told her, with a nod. "It's actually really disturbing. You see-" 

"Let's not," Evelyn cut him off, quickly. 

"Oh, that's right. You have a thing about blood," Tony remembered, and the cocked his head to the side. 

The mere mention of blood made Evelyn's stomach roll as visions of red crashed through her mind. Her jaw clenched tightly and she gave Tony the stink eye while she walked over to McGee's desk. He had graciously allowed her to put her things until her desk was set up. "I'm going to go see if I can get a hold of Rebecca West," she walked off, and Tony looked around vaguely wounded. 

"Was it something I said?" Tony asked. 

Ziva and McGee just rolled their eyes. 

* * *

Sunlight poured through the windows, illuminating the entire room. "I knew Private Wells personally, sir," Private First Class Meriwether said, his expression taunt and his eyes serious as he sat ramrod straight in the chair adjacent from Gibbs. "He was a good man. A good soldier. He was loyal to home, and country. To hear what his done…it's inconceivable." 

"Can you think of any reason that he would do what he has done?" Gibbs asked, his blue eyes narrowed upon the man. 

Meriwether hesitated. 

"What is it?" Gibbs prompted. 

"Private West was discharged honorable, but the circumstances beforehand weren't all that….honorable," Meriwether admitted, more than a little hesitant. "Darrin West was part of a squadron sent to take down a rogue terrorist cell in Iraq." 

"Didn't end well?" Gibbs hazarded a guess. 

"That is an understatement," Meriwether sighed, heavily. "There was an ambush. The squadron was caught off guard, and most of them were slaughter. Darrin is one of three that survived out of a group of twenty. It took quite a toll on Darrin." 

"How so?" Gibbs asked. 

"After the attack, Darrin was sent back to the states to recover. While his body recovered…his mind didn't, sir. He became increasingly distrusting, and was always paranoid. He even went as far as to make allegations against Devon Corp," Meriwether stated, with a deep frown. "In the end, it was decided to have him discharged." 

Gibbs nodded, and shut the file on the table. "Thank you for your time, and if you can think of anything else," he handed him a card with his number as well as his agents number on it before he rose. He walked out the door only to nearly run into someone, and he sighed when he realized that person was Evelyn. "What do you want, Matthews?" He demanded. 

She bristled, and gave him a look before she drew her spine upward. "I called Rebecca West. She has agreed to speak with us, and said we could meet her at her house at five this evening," Evelyn informed, and it felt like a stone fell into the bottom of her stomach. _So much for warming up,_ she thought with more than a little frustration. _It's only your first day. Your first case. Trust takes time._ She tried to reason with herself, but she couldn't help, but to feel a bit disheartened. 

Gibbs tilted his head ever so slightly. "Alright. Get DiNozzo. We'll head out in ten," Gibbs told her, with a sharp nod of his head. He made to move past when he noticed she stood there motionless. “Is there something you didn’t grasp about what I said, Matthews?” 

Evelyn shot him an annoyed look, before she drew in a deep cleansing breath. "We…as in me, too?" She asked for clarification. 

"It's your lead, Matthews,” Gibbs told her, simply. “You have to help see it through." 

She stood there for a long moment, perhaps half expecting him to take his words back before a small, genuine smile appeared on her face. "Alright, boss," she gave a nod, and turned to go find DiNozzo. It was the first time she called him boss, without a begrudging tone to her voice. 

* * *

“Do you think Rebecca West will know anything about why her brother had a psychotic break?” Evelyn questioned, leaning forward from the back seat with her hands braced on the back of the driver and passenger seats in order to keep herself steady. Her gaze darted from Gibbs who had a lead foot on the gas pedal, then over to Tony. 

“That’s what we are going to find out, Matthews,” Gibbs stated, gruffly. 

Evelyn studied him for a long moment. “Do you have a setting besides grumpy to extra grumpy?” She asked, bluntly. She heard Tony stifle a laugh, and tried to disguise as a cough that did not fool anyone. 

“No,” was Gibbs’s sharp reply. 

A reluctant smile found its way onto Evelyn’s lips. “I didn’t think so,” she said, with a light sigh. She pressed her knuckles against her lips, and turned her thoughtful gaze out through windshield as they arrived at Rebecca West’s house. He had a coldness to him that hadn’t been there when she was a child, and an ache lanced through her. Did their deaths do that do him? Did losing her mother and her put that ice into his gaze? Guilt rolled up within her like a rising tide, and as soon as the car came to a stop, Evelyn unbuckled her seat belt and got out. The fresh air was welcomed relief to her lungs and she felt her shoulders slump just a fraction. 

That was until she noticed the front door. 

"Boss, the door," was all Tony said, before they instantly went on alert. The front door to Rebecca West's house was cracked open ever so slightly, and from the splintering around the latch, it had been kicked in. Gibbs drew out his weapon in one swift movement, while Tony braced his back against the wall, his gun drawn as well. 

"Matthews, stay," Gibbs barked. 

Evelyn was about to protest, but thought better of it. She only had her knives, and Gibbs still hand her guns. As much as she hated to admit it, if Darrin West was in that house with his sister as a hostage (or worse) then she would be little to no good in this situation. "Yes, boss," her jaw clenched tightly, and her eyes glittered with reluctance. "I'll just guard the car," she added, because she just couldn't pass up an opportunity to be sarcastic. 

Gibbs rolled his eyes for a split second, before he nudged the door open with his foot, and cautiously made his way into the house with Tony covering his six. Evelyn stood there, staring as the door slowly inched back a covered them from her view. Uneasiness weighed down upon her heavily, and she suddenly got the distinct feeling something was off. The front door kicked in was a big giveaway, no doubt about that, but there was something else. Something that bothered her and made her hair stood on end. 

Narrowing her eyes, she moved to step forward when she caught the sound, just barely. Footsteps rushing towards her, and she whirled around only to catch a fist straight to her temple. Pain splintered through her skull, and Evelyn stumbled backwards, stars danced through her vision. Nausea boiled in her gut, and bile burned up her throat. She went to get her footing when she felt hands grabbed at her, and whitehot panic burst through her. 

_She fought against the hands that grabbed at her. That bruised, and broke her_ —The memories made her fight harder, she kicked and punched…until she felt the sharp edge of a blade pressed tightly against her throat. “Don't make a sound,” a voice warned, darkly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The case in this chapter is based off of a case from a Criminal Minds episode. Hope that you all enjoyed, please leave a kudo or comment below! They are much appreciated. :D


	5. Water is Sweet but Blood is Thicker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The case heats up, and Lucas and Evelyn cross paths in an unlikely way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS! Feel free to keep them coming. :D
> 
> If I had to chose who I saw playing adult Kelly: Rebecca Herbst. I love her from General Hospital since she started on the show over fifteen years ago when she was a teenager, and have continued to love her through her good times and her bad times. She is an amazing and beautiful actress and I think she would make a perfect Kelly Gibbs.  
> The Song that Inspired this Chapter: "Obilivious" by Earlyrise. Check it out on you tube.

  
[](https://www.flickr.com/gp/152592576@N08/FAf7T2)

* * *

CHAPTER FIVE 

'Water is Sweet, but Blood is Thicker'

A flash of panic, one that was quickly followed by anger burned through her like a wildfire and her hand reached up, grasping his. Her nails bit into his skin, burying deep but he did not waver in the slightest. His hold on her was solid, and it would be too much effort to try fight him off. Especially with a blade at her throat, she would be killed before she could even try. "Let me guess…Darrin West?" Her voice was slightly breathless, but her words were steady. The grip tightened, and the blade nicked her throat earning a slight gasp. A shudder down her spine while her pulse throbbed in her temples, and she swallowed heavily. "Let go of me," she demanded, quietly. The heat from his palm had turned scorching, and fear seared through her body. Her blue eyes stared down the hallway to the doorway that obscured Gibbs from her vision, and she resisted the urge to call out. “We can talk this out, Darrin. Don’t you want to talk this out?” 

"I had to do it," Darrin sounded frantic and wild. "She was going to do it to me. She was going to do it to me." 

"Oh…kay," Evelyn said, uncertain. She needed to find a way out of this. Perhaps if she could get Darrin's trust, he might be more inclined to let her go. But that begged the question: How did you get the trust of an insane man? "Who…who are you talking about?” 

"Rebecca…that _bitch_ ," his voice was low and gravely filled with so much rage and anger that it left Evelyn ice cold. There was no doubt inside of Evelyn's mind that Rebecca was dead. The front door creaked open and Evelyn's eyes flashed upward with more than a little panic in them. 

"Matthews—" Gibbs cut off, abruptly. His eyes narrowed, in a split second he assessed the situation and he immediately had his gun raised. It was trained right on Darrin West, and did not waver. "Let her go, now," he demanded, darkly. 

Darrin didn't say a word. He shook his head, his dark eyes wild and angry. There was so much anger there that it honestly took Gibbs back for a second, however his hand did not waver. He felt Tony moved behind him, but Tony did not come around the corner. Who knows what Darrin would do once he realized he had two guns trained on him, and that was something Gibbs did not like the thought of. His eyes glanced back towards Evelyn for a split second. Her face was pale, and her eyes were wide, but there was more anger than panic on her face. 

Her eyes were glittering, shooting sparks as her anger began to conquer any amount of fear. She needed to stay in control—to put her trust in Gibbs to help see her out of this. She took deep and even breaths, and she was determined when she got out of this that this man was going to get everything he deserved. Darrin started walking backwards, and Evelyn had no choice, but to go with him. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage, and she struggled ever so slightly. She stopped when she felt the knife dig deeper into her throat, and felt the blood drip down her throat. 

Gibbs made to follow, but Darrin immediately went off. "NO! YOU WILL STAY! YOU WILL STAY OR I WILL KILL HER!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. 

Gibbs's expression didn't falter, but his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "Matthews…" He began, but he saw Evelyn give a small shake of her head. 

"It'll be okay, boss," she said, shakily though she wasn't as certain about that as she would like to be. Gibbs stood there, silent never lowering his gun, not even an inch as Darrin pulled around the corner of the house. Evelyn closed her eyes and concentrated on the hold Darrin held her in. She had to bide her time, she told herself. He would ease up eventually, move to adjust his hold and then she would get him. Several seconds passed, then she felt Darrin shift ever so slightly and the pressure of the blade eased up off her throat. 

She immediately twisted, shoving his arms away from her with her elbows and ducked downward to avoid the knife he indeed on stabbing her in the throat with. His other hand still held her arm in a vice grip, and she leaned down, burying her teeth into his flesh. He cried out and brought the knife down, but Evelyn had already rolled out of the way. Darrin collapsed to his knees, for he threw his entire body into the motion. 

Evelyn scrambled to put distance between her and Darrin, in an awkward backwards crab like crawl. With murder in his eyes, Darrin rose to his feet and was about to rush towards her when Tony came around the corner of the house with a shout. "Freeze!" As soon as he caught sight of the gun, panic flashed through Darrin's eyes and he bolted. "I said freeze!" Tony shouted. 

"Matthews," Gibbs was at her side in an instant. 

"I'm fine! I'm alright," she pushed herself off the ground, and Gibbs grabbed her arm helping her to her feet. She reached up touching where the blade had nicked her throat, and cursed at the sight off blood on her fingers. "Rebecca West?" She asked, breathlessly. "Is she…?" 

Gibbs shook his head, and Evelyn cursed again. She raised a trembling hand to her forehead, and it felt like all the energy was sapped right out of her. Tony came running back around the house, his face tight and his expression was not one that was exactly encouraging. As he reached their side, he let out a deep sigh and wiped the sweat from his brow. "He got away. He had a car waiting," Tony explained, breathlessly. 

"You get a license plate number?" Gibbs barked. 

"Yes," Tony nodded. 

"Get on the phone. Get the number and description to McGee now," Gibbs barked out. "I want a bolo out on it now!" 

Tony nodded, and stepped away to pull out his cellphone. Gibbs turned back towards Evelyn, who looked way too pale. 

"I want my guns back," it was supposed to come out as a demand, but instead her voice felt weak. Her chest felt tight, too tight to breath and she trembled from her head down to her toes. The adrenaline drained out of her leaving her feel downright exhausted. She leaned over, with her hands on her knees and took in deep, desperate breaths. 

Gibbs stared at her for a long moment. "What you are feeling…it's perfectly normal," Gibbs told her, and she supposed it was meant to be comforting. 

"Well, that's a frightening thought," Evelyn heaved out, tightly. She closed her eyes for a half a second before she stood upright, and wobbled on her legs ever so slightly. "I should have known something was wrong." 

"We all missed it, Matthews," Gibbs told her. 

Her eyes flashed, and she jerked her head towards him. "I didn't miss it. I saw it. I saw something was wrong and I just ignored it. I ignored it until it almost—" Evelyn abruptly cut off and brushed her bangs out of her face with a huff. 

Gibbs gave her a peculiar look. "Why do I have a feeling that we are no longer talking about Darrin West and his sister?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. 

Evelyn paused, for the briefest of seconds and realized that she let out more than she intended. Her heart skipped a beat in her chest and she opened her mouth to give some kind of reply. Nothing came out right away, and she just shook her head. Tiredly, she bowed her head. "It's nothing. Just…nothing…" She wiped the sweat off her brow with the back of her hand and through up at him through the fringes of her hair. "Private West isn't stupid. Mad, yes. Crazy as hell, yes. But not stupid. He'll ditch that car first chance he gets." 

"Maybe. But it gives us somewhere to start," Gibbs took a deep breath, and stood straighter if possible. "And Matthews as soon as we to NCIS…" 

"Yeah?" Evelyn said, with a tilt of her head when he trailed off. 

"You need to change. Those clothes are evidence now," he told her, and turned away leaving her a bit dumbfounded. She reached up and touched her jacket, and grimaced at the blood and dirt that covered her thanks to West. 

"I think he's warming up to you," Tony told her, with a half smile. 

She gave him a look of disbelief. "Really?" She asked, eyebrow arched. 

"Nope." 

* * *

The squad room was abuzz with activity. The latest news on Darrin West quickly spread around, and Evelyn avoided the stares carefully, as she wrapped her arms around her midsection tightly. She paced the length between the desks, and kept her eyes cast downwards as she was deep in thought. Her mind was racing over what happened just a few hours earlier, trying to remember some clue that would lead them straight to Darrin West. She could still feel the cool metal upon her throat, and it kept repeating inside her mind. Except when it got into her mind, it was not Darrin’s West hand that held the blade. With a frustrated sigh, she wiped her hands down her face and turned back towards the others. “I don’t like it. Why would Darrin West kill his sister? It makes no sense,” she stated, out loud. She needed to get out of her head, and the only distraction she had was the case. 

"He was having a psychotic break," Ziva sighed. "He probably didn't realize what he was doing. He probably doesn't even realize that he has killed his sister." 

"No, no," Evelyn shook her head, and picked up a pen off of Tony’s desk. She began tapping the pen incessantly against her knuckles in a quick, sharp beat. "A psychotic break led to him snapping in the pharmacy. This…this was rage. Plain and simple. He knew _exactly_ who his sister, so that leaves the question: Why?" She gnawed on her bottom lip. “What reason could he have had to kill her?” 

"Now, you are thinking like a detective, probie," Tony stated, and clapped her on the shoulder. 

Evelyn tensed at the unexpected touch, every fiber of being willed her to react by twisting his arm behind his back, but she refrained barely. Slowly, she reacted and grabbed his hand, applying just enough pressure to get her point across. "Do not call me probie," Evelyn told him, firmly. "It will end badly for you." 

"Oh…kay," he said, slowly retracted his hand. "Alright, well. The sister, I found out, stood to inherit a pretty penny if he died. Their father's estate was apparently worth about a million, however it was to be split between the two of them. But if one of them dies," Tony started. 

"The other gets their share," Ziva stated, with a snap of her fingers when she caught his meaning. "Money is always a great motive for murder." 

"Except she is the one who got murdered, not him," Evelyn pointed out. 

"True," Tony commented, with an inclined his head. "But you said it yourself. Darrin killed his sister in a rage. He had to be angry about something…" His eyes were narrowed thoughtfully, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"And that something could have led to his psychotic break," McGee announced, finally raised his head from the computer screen. He hit a couple of buttons, and the printer shuddered with a loud mechanical whirl before printing out a few sheets of paper. "I think you might be half right, Tony." 

"Half-right?" Tony frowned. 

"Rebecca West didn't need her brother dead. She just had to get…" McGee went to stand, but that was kind of hard to do with a wounded leg. He flopped back into the computer chair with a look of concentration on his face. 

"I've got you, Tim." 

The only warning McGee got was the smirk that flickered across Tony's face before Tony sprinted over towards him, and took a hold of the back of the computer chair and rolled him forward at an alarming spin. With a finally twist, Tim came to a stop between Gibbs's and Ziva's desk. "There you go," Tony patted him on the shoulder. McGee didn't even have the energy to muster up a glare, he was too worried about keeping his lunch down. 

The greenish hue of his skin was not lost on Evelyn, and as discreetly as she could passed him the trashcan. "Thank…you," McGee groaned out, and handed her the files so he could wrap both arms around the trash can and lean his face over it. Thank god, the janitor had just cleaned them. He really did not want to get up closer and personal with DiNozzo's trash. 

"Hey! No thanks for me?" Tony teased, with a broad smirk. Ziva looked away and tried to suppress her smirk while Evelyn's eyebrows rose into the air and she looked at him with pity. The hairs on Tony's neck and rose, his smile dropped. "Boss," he said, lightly. 

"You done…DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked. Tony slowly turned around and came face to face with Gibbs's no nonsense stare. He slowly cleared his throat and raise his own hand, and slapped the back of his head hard. The corners of Gibbs's mouth twitched ever so slightly, and he walked around DiNozzo, with his signature coffee cup in hand. "What do we got?" He asked. 

"Uh, well," McGee gestured to Evelyn. 

"Oh, right. Sorry," Evelyn flipped the paper over and a jolt of shock ran through her as she stared at the words as if she couldn't believe them. _This actually would explain a lot. More than a lot,_ she thought darkly. 

"Matthews," Gibbs barked, and she jumped. She met his gaze, and he arched an eyebrow. "Would you like to share with the rest of the class?" He asked, dryly. 

“The pharmacy Darrin West massacred through people was where he got his prescription of Olanzapine, an antipsychotic. According to this the doctor that prescribed them called in another order for Darrin to pick up, but they were picked up by a R. West about two and a half ago," Evelyn read off the pages, after shooting Gibbs a sharp look. 

"What?" Tony blinked, wildly. "What would the sister get out of canceling her brother's medication?" 

"Apparently their father was worth some money, but with Darrin being the older sibling he had control of most of the assets including how much his little sister got. He set it up so that she would get so much a month from a trust. However, if Darrin was found incapable of making his own decisions, and was committed then she stood to gain control of everything. He wasn't married. Had no kids. She was his only family. Without his medicine, Darrin would become unstable," Evelyn stated, with a dark twist of her lips. She handed over the paper to Gibbs for him to inspect while silently being thankful that she was only child. 

"And Rebecca would get everything she wanted," Ziva finished, a flash of understanding went through her dark gaze. "However that does not explain how he went from being a capable soldier to a hot mesh in the period of months." 

"Hot mess," Tony corrected, his lips twitched. 

"What?" Ziva looked at him. 

"It's a hot mess, not mesh," Tony told her. 

"Oh." Ziva eyes widened with comprehension. "Suddenly, it makes a lot more sense." 

Evelyn hand her fingertips pressed together in front of her lips, as she got the strangest feeling that she was missing something again entered her mind. Her brows were pinched, and she shifted nervously on the heels of her feet. "Card," she murmured, as the vision flashed through her mind as clear as day. When she struggled with Darrin, she caught the glimpse of a card in his pocket. She had no why idea it felt so important, but it. 

"What card?" Tony shot her a look. 

"Darrin's pocket…I saw this card," Evelyn said, running her fingers through her hair. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to recall the words on the card, but there were like a blur inside her mind. "Damn it. I can't remember, but I know it is something important. Really important." 

"It will come back to you,” Ziva said, certainly. 

"Where have heard that before?" Evelyn muttered, more than a little bit bitter underneath her breath. She paused, and glanced up at saw all of them look at her with strange expression. "Never mind. That last bit wasn't important. I just…I just need a moment to breath." 

Evelyn turned and began to walk off. It had been a while since she had found herself in such a situation, and there was a time she would have handled herself better. Now, she could feel her lungs tightening with panic as a painful fear began to pound through her blood. "Matthews," Gibbs called out. 

Evelyn sighed, and turned towards him. "Yes, boss?" She crossed her arms over her chest, and looked up at him with a carefully blank expression. 

"Go home, Matthews," Gibbs said. "Get some rest." 

She blinked up at him, as if she couldn't believe what she had just heard. Shock and surprised flared in her eyes before she shook her head. "Look, boss, I am fine," Evelyn stated, defensively. For a moment, he actually looked like he was concerned. But was it genuine? 

Evelyn hadn't realized until that moment that she really did want him to genuinely care about her, and it made her frown deeply. "I just need a moment to catch my breath is all." 

"You need more than a moment," Gibbs told her, gruffly. Gibbs might not have liked how Evelyn came to be on his team, but he wasn't a heartless bastard. "Have a knife pressed to your throat can be quite traumatizing, especially given that this is your first case." 

"And I can assure you, Agent Gibbs, that I have had a lot worse," she held his stare steadily. "Look, I don't need to be coddled. And before for you even suggest me seeing the resident NCIS psychiatrist, I have already met him. He's a dick, and I'd rather avoid baring my soul again, if you don't mind." 

Gibbs gave her a flat look, one that conveyed how little he believed her words. "You hands are shaking," he pointed out, lightly. 

"Wha…" Evelyn trailed off, as she looked down at her hand. Indeed, they were quivering at her sides and she clenched her fingers into fists in an attempt to keep them still. "It's nothing," she mumbled, her eyes cast downward. 

"Or you are still in shock," Gibbs said, sharply. "Go home, Matthews. You need your rest, and I don't need you here if you aren't at a hundred percent." 

Evelyn reeled back as if physically struck. "I can't go home. Not in the middle of a case," she stuttered out, wildly. 

"We are a capable team. We've managed to solve cases before you came along, and we can solve this one without you," Gibbs stated, dryly. He was prepared for her to step down, but he wasn't prepared for the wounded look she gave him. It struck him hard in the gut, and he watched those wounded eyes turn a shade of empty in a second flat. 

"Wow…what a nice way to say I'm not needed," Evelyn stated, her voice held a slight tremble. Her expression however, did not waver in the slightest. 

Gibbs eyes narrowed. "Don't put words in my mouth, Matthews," he said, his voice rumbled and his expression pinched. Evelyn did have potential to be a good agent, Jenny was right. However, he didn't think his team needed another agent, that was a given. He wasn't going to say that aloud. There was not point in kicking someone when they were down, and he wasn't that cruel. 

"Not putting words in your mouth, sir. Just listening to the ones coming out of it," said Evelyn, with a smile that held a sharpness to it. 

"Boss, not sir," he corrected, darkly. 

"No. You are a sir, and will be one until I start seeing someone I can actually call 'boss'," Evelyn stated, her chest heaving up and down as a swirl of emotions threatened to drag her under like a riptide. "I'll leave you and _your_ team to it." 

Without another word, she walked into the elevator and kept her eyes downward. She didn't want to meet his gaze again, didn't want him to see past her mask that was quickly beginning to crack. Gibbs watched the elevator doors slid shut, with the strangest sinking sensation in the pit of his gut. Running a hand across his face tiredly, he turned and walked back towards his team. He had a case to solve, and he had not time to spare on hurt feelings. 

* * *

Evelyn stared at the boxes, she had yet to open. The anger that had kept her going on the drive home was gone, replaced by a sadness. She heaved a sigh, and dropped her keys onto the counter and walked around the boxes, she couldn't muster up the energy right now to finish unpacking. She slipped off her jacket and tossed it aimlessly at a chair, not caring that it did not reach its mark. Her heart beat was a slow, steady thud against her ear drums as she made her way up the stairs slowly, her eyes half closed. She was only vaguely aware of the world around her as she stumbled into her master bedroom, which like the rest of her house was halfway unpacked. At least, she had her bed. She loved that bed, she looked at it longingly. There was nothing she wanted more than to flop onto the mattress and sink into a dreamless oblivion. 

However, the feeling of grime and sweat against her skin propelled her to the master bath. She peeled off the clothes, one piece at a time before she stumbled into the large stand up shower. The white and blue tile gave her a sense of serenity, and inanely reminded her of the ocean. Twisting on the hot water, she jumped at the spray of cold water that came down on her without a second of warning. She let out a shuddering and choked noise, and wrapped her arms around her midsection. It took only a few seconds for the water to turn boiling hot, and she closed her eyes and stepped underneath the spray. 

She scrubbed her skin clean with a fury, and perhaps she thought if she scrubbed hard enough that she could cleanse the day away. As she brought the rag across her skin, her fingertips brushed across so many scars. The ones upon her skin had long since healed. The ones that lied deeper still bleed every damn day. 

_Cold, it was always so cold…Dark concrete walls surrounded her and the shadows seemed never ending. Her hands Her hands were going numb, suspended above her head by a rope and each breath was a labored effort. A blade coated in blood…the cold steel pressed along her ribcage, slicing through the delicate skin…_

_Her screams echoed off the walls…_

Her fists slammed into shower wall, and a painful breath shuddered through her lungs. Her eyelashes fluttered as the droplets of water ran down her face and her knuckles exploded with pain. She closed her eyes, and for a moment let the pain consume her. It ripped and torn ever last wound inside her heart, and let them bleed out. How could she trust anyone? How could she let anyone see? How broken she was? How those that she trusted had betrayed her? How they tossed her to the enemy like she was garbage and they let them _hurt_ her? Hurt her so bad that she lost everything, even herself? How they thought a pat on the back, and money was enough to make up for it all? A sob broke through her lips before she could help it, and she let her hand drop to the side. 

The water ran red and swirled down the drain. Her blue eyes watched for several seconds mesmerized by the sight, and numbly she reached up and turned off the water. Stepping out of the shower, she shivered as the cold air eagerly brushed across her skin. She grabbed a towel, and wrapped around herself. After grabbing the first aid kit from underneath the vanity, she sat on her bed and bandaged up her knuckles gently. She wiggled her fingers, testing the bandages before she was satisfied they were tight enough without cutting off her circulation. 

How had her life become this? The question always hit her like a ton of bricks. Several things came to mind, her choices were a bit part of it. However, everything led back to the crash. If her mother had never been willing to testify against Pedro, then they would never have been in that crash. She would have never lost her mother, would have never lost her father, would have never lost her memories. The trauma, both physical and mental, had stolen away years of her life. By the time, she had gotten them back…she couldn't see a way to go back. Maybe she had made things more complicated then they actually were. Too afraid to actually go through with it and made excuses, until…things really did get to complicated for her to go back. And yet, here she was. Her heart hurt and she felt the familiar sting of tears. She quickly she closed her eyes to keep them a bay. There was so much guilt, so painful, that it made her physically sick. How much had they missed? How many nightmares had she went through without someone to comfort her afterwards? When she got her first boyfriend, there had been no mother to confide in, and then when her first boyfriend broke her heart, there was no father to beat him up. So many moment she had missed out on because of that stupid accident. But everything that happened afterwards…that was on her. 

Did she want to get to know her father? To have him know her not simply as an agent, but as his daughter? More than anything. More than anything in the world. Did she think that is was realistic expectation? No. As far as Leroy Jethro Gibbs was concerned, she was dead. He mourned for her, and moved on. Not only would she be opening wounds, both his and hers. She couldn't deny the fear that was always the thought in the back of her mind, that they would come back and finish what they started. 

It felt like too much of a risk. And as much as she hated to admit it, it left her scared. So scared that it made her heart hurt. Evelyn rose and made her way towards her desk that sat right in front of the large window. The wood was dark mahogany, stained a dark rich ebony color with square inlay in the top of the desk, with a picture of Forget-Me Nots on it. The desk was something she had crafted herself. A fond smile crossed her lips remembering the time her father taught her how to sand wood. _"Work with the grain,"_ he guided her tiny hand in his and he smiled so big down at her when she got it right. She sniffed, and brushed the lone tear that ran down her cheek. 

She leaned down and reached underneath the lip of the desk, her finger seeking for the tiny knob that laid hidden underneath and pressed down on it. The square inlay of a forget-me-not on the top of the desk, popped upward. Evelyn gently grasped it and pulled it out of the way. Old letters, an old jewelry box and several other things sat down inside the desk. She lifted the lid off the jewelry box, and peered down inside. There was a locket, a bracelet with a large blue stone and one ring inside it. It was a wedding ring. It was her mother's. 

She gently picked it up, a heart wrenching feeling rushed through her chest. The diamonds were still as clear as day, the shape of tear and the silver swirled around them, protectively. Her father picked it out himself for her mom. Swallowing thickly, she placed it back into the jewelry box. Her pulse jumped against her throat, and there was an ache deep inside of her. Like an empty place inside her chest that she had forgotten about until now. Letting out a long breath, she picked up the bracelet. It looked like a cheap bracelet, one bought at the ninety nine cent store. 

_So inconspicuous,_ she thought as she let it dangle from her fingers, then she grasped the stone between her fingertips and carefully, she pried the blue stone apart. It was not a stone after all. It was a flash drive. A flash drive that could save or ruin her, given the chance. Her stomached rolled as she stared down at it, her fingers quivered around it. She put the flash drive back together, and dropped it back into the bracelet back into the jewelry box. The lid shut with a snap, and she placed it back down in the desk. 

She rubbed her chest, right above her heart was. There was a guilt, it weighed down on her like a stone upon her chest. She kept going over her reasons, trying to explain it to herself why she wasn't going to tell the truth. In the end, it felt like a weak argument. There felt like there was just this…great canyon between her and her father. The truth felt like an impossibility. It was a moment of insanity. That was what she had called it, but the truth it was. It was most natural thing in the world. The unconditional love between a parent and a child was as natural as breathing. Eight years…eight years, she had that unconditional love. Eight years was too little. It was yearning that pulled at the strings of her heart, and resonated somewhere deep within her soul. 

"You're such a fool, Kelly." She whispered it, leaning back, closing her eyes for just a moment. "Such a coward. Such a stupid coward. Such a little fool." 

She always ran. Oh, she couldn't in actuality this time. As much as part of her wanted to steal away like a thief in the night, she had put too much on the line. Much more than she had originally thought, she thought as her fingers snatched up a picture. She stared down at it tracing her mother and father's youthful faces with such a sad expression in her eyes. A breath hissed through her clenched teeth, and she placed everything back into the desk, and slid the panel back into place with more force than necessary. She stood up, and her legs buckled. Her palms slammed flat against the top of the desk to keep herself upright, and her heart was like thunder in her ears. She swallowed harshly, and shook her head side to side sharply. Tunneling her fingers through her hair, she went to head to her bed when she caught something out of the corner of her eye. 

A light. 

Her head jerked upward, and she peered out her window with a frown. She reached out slowly, and pulled her curtain off the side and her eyebrows rose in surprise. There was a light! It was coming from the neighboring house. Her gut clenched, and her mind raced. Who could be in that house? Certainly not Miss Daisy. She would not be up and out at this time of night. 

_Burglar,_ the thought hit her like a punch to the gut and raced to her dresser. She threw on the first shirt and shorts she could find before she ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time. Her heart thundered in her chest and adrenaline coursed through her veins like white lightning. 

Evelyn almost ran out the door, but paused and turned around. The mental lay out of her house went through her mind, and she ran into the kitchen, and got the gun that she had hidden underneath the sink. Checking it to make sure it was loaded, she snatched her cell phone off the counter and headed out the door. The ground was cold against her bare feet, but she did not let that bother her. She crouched down ever so slightly, and stayed out of the light. Evelyn crept up the stairs, and winced as one creaked underneath her foot. She stood still for a half a moment, then proceeded up the rest of them. 

Evelyn pressed her side against the door, she took in a very deep breath and forced her muscles relaxed. Relaxed limbs gave an enemy nothing to grab, or work with. With her left hand, she twisted the knob and to her surprise she found it unlocked. Her brows pinched, and her lips pulled downward. After a heartbeat, she pushed the door open as quietly as possible. Her feet hit the hard wood softly, and she blinked her eyes to adjust them to the sudden change in light. The walls were the color of silvery grey, framed in deep ebony trimming. Masculine. It felt very masculine. 

A black and white rug stretched across the hallway, and she slowly stepped forward. There was a doorway to her left, and she could make out the faintest sound of footsteps. Slowly easing a breath into her lungs, she turned around the corner and as soon as she saw movement she pointed her gun. "Freeze," she demanded, darkly then promptly choked on her tongue. 

Oh, he did freeze and Evelyn could not stop her eyes from roaming over him from head to toe. He was handsome, and a tall, lean and the muscles of his chest flexed with each breath. He was handsome. His hair was black as the moonless night, and a strong contrast to his alabaster skin. His face was narrow with the sharp jut of cheekbones over hollowed cheeks. He had an aristocratic nose, long and straight and lips that were shaped like cupid's bow. He was clean shaven, enhancing the angles to his face and for some reason that made him appear all the more dangerous. His shoulders were broad and strong, and his chest rippled with each rippled with each breath, and her eyes traced over the multitude of tattoos upon his body. Her eyes went further down, taking in the sleek and toned abdominal muscles that veered downward in that v-shape and the rest was hidden beneath the towel wrapped his tapered waist. However despite the towel wrapped around his waist, she could make out the strong, muscular thighs underneath. She flushed when it occurred to her that she really ought to not be checking out a burglar. There was more than a little conflict of interest there, but darn, wasn't it a shame. Her eyes snapped back up to his face, and she steadied her gun. His brows were black slashes that were furrowed as he caught the first sight of her holding up a gun, before his features smoothed out into a charming smile. "There's no need for violence, I assure you," he spoke, his voice sinfully rich and deep that made her heart flutter in her chest and her knees weak. And the unmistakable British accent attached to that very attracted voice did not escape her notice either. 

Attractive or not, Evelyn did not lower the gun. "Put your hands in the air," she bit out, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. 

"That is a mistake," he told her, lightly. 

"Put them up!" She demanded. 

His smirk was sinful, and he gave a light shrug of his shoulders. "As you wish," he practically purred, putting his hands up into the air and the towel he held at his waist slid off. 

Evelyn gasped, her mouth dropped open and heat curled up into her cheeks. Her eyes wandered down along the wall of muscle that was his chest and stomach, then unwittingly traced the muscle-the one that veered downward towards his manhood. "Whoa…" the word fell from her mouth before she could help it and then her jaw clicked as she snapped her head up. She was met with a taunting smirk, and devilish blue eyes twinkling with mischievousness. "Uh…um…I…" she swallowed thickly, mortification stealing all the words from her mouth. 

He held up his hand in surrender, and his smile did not falter in the slightest. "I have a good explanation, and I promise that you won't need that," he gestured towards the gun. 

"Explanation…would be nice," Evelyn said, her voice strained. She fought hard for her eyes not to go below the man's waist, no matter how nice and…uh, impressive the sight was. God, she needed to get laid. 

The man chuckled. "I'm your new neighbor," he said, with deep chuckle. "Now will you put down your gun?" 

Evelyn stared at him for a long moment, then lowered the gun ever so slightly. Her brows furrowed in bemusement, and she blinked at him. "I wasn't aware the other house sold," she said, stumbling over the words. 

"I gathered," he said, with a dry amusement. 

Evelyn stood there for several seconds trying to come up with something to say, her mind temporarily short circuiting on her. Finally, she found her voice and she said something completely stupid. "Evelyn Matthews, a pleasure to meet you," were the words that fell from her lips. 

"Of course it is," the man chuckled. "You're not the one naked." 

_Oh, right._ Her eyes flickered down, and then immediately up when she mentally slapped herself. Her face was hot, burning hot and looked like a ripe tomato. "Oh, God. You're naked," she stated, her voice becoming high pitched and she found herself stumbling backwards. 

"You are just realizing this now?" He quirked up an eyebrow. 

"No, no, I noticed!" Evelyn stuttered out, embarrassed beyond belief. "Congrats on that, by the way," she gestured towards his very impressive male parts, and the man's shoulders shuddered with mirth. She slammed back into the wall, while her chest rose and fall with sharp breaths. "I-I am just going to leave now before…before I d-die of em-barassment," she stammered through her words, and she wished the earth would just swallow her whole. She twisted around sharply to rush down the hallway only to slam her shoulder right into the wall. "Ow! Shit!" She cursed. 

"Are you alright?" The man asked, and she heard footsteps. 

"No!" She cried out. "No! Nakedness stays on that side of the room, and I go out the door." And she did, and she didn't even bother pretending that she wasn't fleeing. "Goodbye!" She hollered as she raced down the hallway and out the door. She ran across the yard at lightning speed and up her porch steps and through the side door and slammed it behind her in the matter of twenty seconds. Her back hit the door, and she pressed her face into her hands. "Oh, my God. Tell me that just did not happen! Please tell me that did not just happen," she groaned, her hands sliding up through her hair. The fire in her cheeks didn't feel like it was going away soon, and neither was the feeling of utter mortification. She was going to have to move…again. 

Thankfully before she could think of it anymore, her cell phone went off. Reaching in her pocket, she pulled out her cellphone and flipped it out. "Possibly going to die due to mortification, Evelyn speaking," she said, running a hand down her face. 

There was a beat. "We've got a lead," Ziva's voice came over the phone. 

_Lovely,_ she thought with a sigh. "I'm on my way," she replied, and shut her phone mournfully. Looked like she wasn't going to get any rest after all. 

* * *

She seemed genuine. He wanted to believe that no one was that good of actor, but he met some damned good ones in his life. Unfortunately he had also been burned by more than a few of them. He met women who could cry on cue, could force a blush to appear on their skin, but for some reason, his gut was telling him that Evelyn had been genuinely flustered. He stood to the side of the window, his fingers raising the curtain watching her speed off in her car. 

Lucas gave a dry chuckle underneath his breath. She had burst through that door like an avenging angel, haloed by the light behind her. Her expression was one of cold, determination and she seemed prepared for anything that would have came at her. She had looked exactly as she had in the picture, as if time had stood still for her. However, there was something different. Her eyes weren't as soft and carefree anymore. There was a hard edge there that hadn't been Altukhov's picture of her, and he briefly wondered what put it there before shaking the thought from his head. Fornell wanted him to keep an eye on her, and what better person to deal with someone involved with Tarasov than him? There was a bitter taste in his mouth, and he let the curtains fall back into place. 

He had work to do. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END OF CHAPTER!  
> Next chapter: The case comes to an end, and Gibbs and Evie continue to but heads while Lucas starts to insert himself into Evleyn's life.  
> THANKS FOR READING! Reviews are appreciated!


	6. A Matter of Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE YOU ENJOY THE CHAPTER!  
> If I had to chose who I saw playing adult Kelly: Rebecca Herbst. I love her from General Hospital since she started on the show over fifteen years ago when she was a teenager, and have continued to love her through her good times and her bad times. She is an amazing and beautiful actress and I think she would make a perfect Kelly Gibbs.  
> The Song that Inspired this Chapter: "Comes and Goes (In Waves)" by Greg Laswell. Check it out on you tube.  
> Firesunset, LyricalNerd, candy_hearts, redhouseclan, strange_one24, skeddy_kat, and lillianschild as well as 20 guests for the kudos that you’ve given the story! :D  
> I want to thank strange_one24, Fractal Reality, and candy_hearts for the reviews! I am glad that you all like the story so much! :D

Chapter Six

‘A Matter of Trust’ 

[](http://s1084.photobucket.com/user/tigerililly/media/Rain-Falling-Desktop-Backgrounds-624x390_zpsdowla8ph.png.html)

* * *

"Evelyn Matthews.” 

Gibbs dropped the file right onto Ducky’s desk. The Medical Examiner’s eyebrows climbed towards his hairline and he glanced over at Gibbs, questioningly. “Yes, your new agent,” Ducky carefully picked up the file, and slowly flipped it open. “I’m assume that she is still alive?” He sent an arched look at Gibbs. “She is, isn’t she?” 

“She is,” Gibbs replied, darkly. 

“And the reason you’ve brought me her personnel report?” Ducky asked, lightly. Gibbs just gave him a pointed look. “Ah, you want a psychological profile then.” He flipped through the file, and looked all that was there. “Aptitude tests, psychological reports, academic studies. I can work up something…though may I ask why?” Ducky looked up at Gibbs, who paced the length of the autopsy room. 

“What kind of person is she, Duck?” Gibbs stated. 

“Surely you of all people don’t need me to tell you that,” Ducky shot him a curious look. 

Gibbs’s brows were furrowed. His blue eyes were sharp and keen as they roamed over the room, his shoulders were ramrod straight. It was not often that he could not understand what his gut feeling was trying to tell him. He got this strange feeling when he looked at Evelyn Matthews, like she knew something that could bring down the world around her. “She is a liar,” Gibbs stated, after a moment. 

“And how is she a liar?” Ducky said, as he shut the folder gently. The tone in his voice was one that clearly indicated he was humoring Gibbs. 

“She is hiding things, Ducky,” Gibbs stated, darkly. He had paced the autopsy room several times now, while mulling over the case as well as his new agent. “I don’t know what. I don’t know why, but I know she is not being completely honest.” 

“Just because one has secrets, Jethro, does not make them a liar. We all have things that we hide, the skeletons in our closest,” Ducky stated, his arms crossed over his chest. “Our dark sides. The pieces of ourselves that we rather no one ever see. You know what that is like.” 

Gibbs’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he could not summon up the nerve to be mad. If there was anyone he would let call him on something, it would always be Ducky. “It doesn’t mean I have to like it, Duck,” Gibbs stated, gruffly. 

“I never said you did,” Ducky said, diplomatically. “However, everyone has their reasons to keep things hidden. Whether it be out of guilt, out of a need to protect someone, or to protect themselves.” 

“What are you saying, Ducky?” Gibbs asked, folding his arms over his chest. 

“What I am saying, Gibbs, is that do not let you irritation over the Director going over your head color you judgment on Agent Matthews. Especially if you are going to press matters further,” the medical examiner said, with a deep sigh. “If it is consolation, I do not believe her to be a threat. In fact, from what I saw she was a very competent and compassionate young woman. I find it hard to believe that whatever secrets she keeps will bring any danger.” 

“Doesn’t mean they won’t,” Gibbs stated, lightly. 

* * *

The elevator door slid open, and Evelyn came face to face with Tony and Ziva. She arched a brow, ran an eye over them and asked, “You two going after that lead?” 

“It was a bust,” Ziva huffed in annoyance. 

“Now, we are just going to get supper and coffee,” Tony explained, rubbing a tired hand down his face. “Want anything?” 

“No, thank you,” she shook her head. The only thing she wanted was sleep. Of course, she thoughts of sleep lead her to thoughts of home and thoughts of home lead to her new neighbor. And that lead her to thoughts to a place that made her face turn red. “See you,” she stepped past them with a tiny wave, and made her way to the desks. She wondered inanely if her desk had been set up yet, either way she would get some work done while she was here. It would be a waste otherwise. 

“Boss,” she greeted Gibbs after a moment of hesitation. They hadn’t exactly parted on good terms, and she knew not what kind of reception she would see. 

“Matthews,” he greeted, his tone indifferent. 

Evelyn pursed her lips, and looked down at her hands. “Anything more on Darrin West?” She asked, lightly. 

“Nothing at all. The lead was a bust,” Gibbs announced, darkly. 

“Yeah, Ziva and Tony told me. I just caught them on the elevator,” Evelyn nodded, gesturing over her shoulder with a thumb at the elevator before she fell silent. Her blue eyed gaze darted around the desk, before they rested on him again. “Are you sure his soldier buddies aren’t hiding something? Or at least, not telling the complete truth?” 

“What would make you think that?” Gibbs shot her a look. 

“There is a connection between soldiers, an unspoken oath if you will. There is no stronger bond then those forged on the battlefield,” she stated, her tone very matter of fact. 

Gibbs gave her this look, a gauging one. “And what do you know of battlefields, Matthews?” He asked, his hawk like eyes pinned her to the spot. 

There a brief hesitation, but with all the deceits she had made so far, in this she decided to be honest. Or at least, as honest as she could. “There a great many number of wars, and battlefields, Agent Gibbs,” Evelyn spared him a tiny smile. “We all have ended up fighting in at least one in our lifetime, one way or another.” 

Gibbs arched a brow, but said nothing more. 

For the briefest moment, she considered apologizing for her words and actions the other day. However, she doubted Gibbs wanted to hear apologies or excuses. She twisted knotted her fingers together, and stared at him for a long moment, before she sighed heavily. “I have issues with authority,” she admitted, abruptly and suddenly. 

Gibbs paused in reading over Private West’s file and looked up at her. “I know,” he stated, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Major issues, and honestly the authority issues are just the tip of the ice berg. My life probably has had enough drama for about ten soap operas, and I have so much baggage you wouldn’t believe,” Evelyn gave a self-deprecating chuckle while she swept her hair out of her eyes and her shoulders slumped, her expression resigned. “Look,” she started, her voice quiet, but firm. “I know that I haven’t exactly be the ideal person to work with, but you haven’t exactly be the ideal boss to work for, either. You aren’t sure about me. What I’m going to bring to the table, if it will be good. If it will be bad. You are looking out for your team, and that’s admirable and totally understandable.” 

“Is there a point to this, Matthews?” Gibbs stated. 

She gave a bittersweet sort of smile. “You don’t want me here. I’m not sure I want to be here,” she admitted, her voice seemed to crack ever so slightly and her gaze flickered downwards. She drew in a breath, and cleared her throat before she continued. “But while I am here, I will promise that I will work hard, learn fast for as long as I am a part of your team.” 

“If?” Gibbs could sense there was more. 

“If you promise to at least give me a chance,” Evelyn said, softly. Surprise flashed through Gibbs’s gaze as he leaned back in his chair, and he looked at her as if really seeing her for the first time. “Just a chance,” Evie shrugged lightly, and shoved her hands into her pockets. “One chance is all I am asking you for.” 

Gibbs stared at her for a long time. It felt like his eyes were trying to reach into her soul, and see right through her (and for a moment, she was truly worried that he really would see right through her.) He opened his mouth to say something when McGee and Abby came flying around the corner. Well, Abby came flying around the corner. McGee hobbled on his crutches as fast as he could. “Gibbs! Gibbs!” Abby was bouncing on the balls of her feet. “We’ve got something!” 

McGee shot her a look, and Abby rolled her eyes. “McGee has got something,” the goth stated, then gave him a pointed look. McGee snorted, and cautiously lowered himself down into his chair and pulled a flash drive out of the evidence bag that Abby handed him. “Alright, so you know the belongs that we recovered from Darrin West’s apartment,” Abby stated, not even pausing to take breath. 

“Yes, Abby,” Gibbs stated. 

“Well, we found a flash drive. A flash drive that was more than meets the eye,” Abby said, a huge grin upon her face. 

“It was a Transformer?” Evelyn blurted out. 

“No,” Abby shook her head. “Though I totally got that reference, and appreciate.” 

“Nice to be appreciated,” Evie said, with a wry smile. 

“It is, isn’t it?” Abby said, brightly. Gibbs cleared his throat, loudly and gave the goth a pointed look. “Oh…right. Anyway, while I was cataloging and combing through everything I noticed something off about the flash drive.” 

“Off how?” Gibbs asked. 

“It was encrypted,” McGee announced, his fingers rushed over the keyboard. 

“What kind of an encryption? A block cipher, or something more like an asymmetric-key algorithm?” Evelyn questioned, with a light frown upon her face. 

“Oh! She knows her tech,” Abby clapped her hands together in almost a gleeful manner. “She is a keeper, Gibbs,” she added to the bossman in a mock whisper. Gibbs just gave her a long look. 

“Closer to the first one. Nothing fancy, or all that hard to crack, but it still brings up the fact--” 

“What was on the flash drive that West wanted to hide,” Evleyn finished the thought, her eyes widened ever so slightly. 

“Exactly,” McGee smiled. “After a few moments I was able to crack the encryption and we found this.” He hit a button a picture came up on the large screen between Ziva and Gibbs’s desks. It was a still of a battlefield. “It’s the ambush. The one where Darrin West was the only survivor. Apparently one of the soldiers was recording when it happened. The footage was recovered then placed under lock and key at the Pentagon.” 

“So how the hell did Darrin West get a hold of it?” Gibbs asked, with a deep frown. His eyes ran over the image. Bodies lied on the ground like thrown about rag dolls, and debris fell from the sky like rain. 

“What is that?” Evelyn pointed. 

“That’s the terrorists that ambushed--” 

“I can tell that, McGee,” Evie stated, a tiny bit of exasperation in her voice. “I am taking about that to the left of them. They are carrying something.” 

“I can try to zoom in and enhance the picture,” McGee stated, and squinted his at the screen to see what Evelyn saw. 

“Then why aren’t you McGee?” Gibbs demanded. 

“Right. On it boss,” McGee ducked his head, a bit sheepishly. “It should only take a second, and there…” A few clicks of the keyboard and image zoomed in, and then focused. “Oh…wow…” 

“Wow is right, McGee,” Abby stated, her eyes wide. “Isn’t that Devon Corp logo on those crates? The ones the terrorists are carrying?” 

“It is,” Gibbs stated, grimly. “McGee, I need names of anyone from Devon Corp that was remotely involved in the affair with Darrin West, and get me back his superiors officers. I want to know why the hell I wasn’t informed of this.” 

“Got it, boss,” McGee picked up the phone. 

Evelyn stared at the logo for a long minute, and then it hit her like a ton of bricks. “Oh, my God,” she gasped out, and took a step back. “Oh, my God!” 

“What is it, Matthews?” Gibbs asked, as he watched the blood drain out of her face. 

“That logo…the card,” she took a deep breath to compose herself as her mind raced. “The card in Darrin West’s pocket. It has Devon Corps logo on it.” 

“You sure about that?” Gibbs gave her a look. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Evelyn nodded. “I can see inside my head. It was a black card with yellow writing, and the logo was on the center of it. In his pocket, I saw it.” Her eyes darkened with memory of the knife at her throat, and she rubbed the bandage gently. 

A motion that Gibbs did not miss. He couldn’t forget the sudden bolt of panic that hit him when he saw Darrin West holding a blade upon Evelyn’s neck. He felt panic. Sharp and unrelenting shards of panic imbedded themselves into his chest when he had no choice, but to let Darrin take Evelyn hostage. If she hadn’t know what she was doing, she would have died. As much as he felt a twinge of relief (because he wouldn’t get a lecture from Jen and paperwork, is what he told himself), he also had a new reason to be suspicious. Newbie never handled their first case as smoothly as she did. They always had the books smarts, but they rarely came prepared with the street kind. 

Evelyn had both. She had experience with this kind of work, yet there was no indication in any of her files. Nothing that said she did. She was hiding something, he was sure of it. And it taunted him almost every second that she was hiding something. Gibbs stared at her for a second longer before his gaze flickered towards Tony and Ziva that just got off the elevator. 

“The bolo just got a hit,” McGee informed them quickly. “Darrin West abandoned it at a mall, and he went hijack another vehicle when mall security caught him. He took a woman hostage, and now is held up in a store.” 

“Matthews, you are with Tony. Ziva, you are with me,” Gibbs grabbed his gear. His blue eyes were blazing, and he took lengthy strides towards the elevator expecting them to follow without question. 

Evelyn was practically jogging to keep up with Tony, and she glanced over at him. “On a scale of none to a lot, how much of a chance do we have of bringing this guy in alive without civilian causalities?” She asked, dead serious. 

“I’m going with about twenty-two percent,” Tony stated, his tone full of mirth. His eyes however were a different matter entirely. 

“Wonderful,” Evelyn hissed underneath her breath. 

* * *

The car zoomed down the highway as fast as it could, with Tony put the lead foot to the metal. “You can think of it as more of a hazing ritual if it makes you feel better,” Tony told her. He seemed completely at ease with the situation, and there was only a flicker of a shadow in his gaze that truly gave his unease away. 

“Hazing ritual?” Evie arched a brow. “You were part of a fraternity in college, weren’t you?” 

“Yeah,” Tony looked puzzled. “How’d you know?” 

“Lucky guess,” Evelyn snorted. Her blue eyes watched the world pass by, too fast for to make it out and it made her dizzy to even try. Anxiousness crept across her skin like a living thing and she drew in a deep breath. 

“Can I make an innocent observation?” Tony asked, suddenly. 

“Hmm. I’m not sure you can. According to Abby, the last innocent words you’ve ever uttered were go-go-ga-ga,” Evelyn told him, with a dry look. 

“That is completely true,” Tony conceded, with a smirk. “Alright. Can I make an observation?” He asked. 

“Go for it,” Evie shrugged. Her eyes flickered to the scenery that passed them by. Builds pulled from one to the next, there was no way to discern where one began and the other ended. 

“Do you want to know what I'm thinking?” Tony asked, as he made a swift curve. His eyes trained on the back of Gibbs’s car. 

Evelyn paused in her seat and shot him a look. “I’m a little afraid of what you are thinking,” she stated, more than a little serious. 

Tony smiled slightly, his hazel eyes glanced over at her for a split second to regard her with a serious scrutiny. “You are making such a big deal that Gibbs’s is your boss,” Tony commented, eyebrow quirked upward. 

“No, I am not,” Evie denied. Perhaps a bit too quickly. 

“Yes, you do. Gibbs isn’t happy about your placement on the team, and sure, he’s going to give you a bit of hell. He always does with the newbies, especially those he didn’t hand pick. Ask Ziva,” Tony stated, with a light nod. 

“Is there a point to your observations?” Evelyn asked, archly. 

“I’m getting there. Patience, grasshopper,” Tony said, his tone meant to convey the infinite wisdom that he was about to place upon her. All it did was made her snort in amusement. “The thing is…you have already managed to become part of the team. You trade jokes with me, you even talk tech with McGee, Abby is already planning to invite you to go clubbing, and Ziva, well, it takes a while to defrost her icy layers, but you already have earned a tiny amount of respect from her. Yeah, I know. I was shocked, too. Gibbs however…you keep at arm’s length? I just helped to wonder why?” Tony finished, his eyes slightly narrowed upon her. 

Evelyn had went completely still, her heart sinking in her chest. She tried to think of some explanation, some kind of way to explain it off. She didn’t have any. “He doesn’t trust me,” she finally murmured, quietly. 

“Trust is earned,” Tony pointed, with a light frown. 

“I know that…” Evie inclined her head. “It’s just harder than I thought it would be.” 

“Gibbs is a hard man,” Tony shrugged. 

“I never said it was him that was the problem,” Evelyn said, with a self-deprecating sigh. “We are here,” Evie seized the distraction as soon as she saw the large mall. Tony parked in a place right beside of Gibbs, and Evelyn could see the flashing lights of police cars and ambulances just waiting. She got out of the car and was immediately brought to a halt by Gibbs. Raising her gaze upward to meet Gibbs, she raised her eyebrows questioningly. “What is it?” She asked. 

Gibbs then shoved something into her hands, and she gaped down at it in disbelief. “Your gun, Matthews,” Gibbs stated, as if it were supposed to be obvious. “Or do you intend to go in there unarmed?” 

She opened her mouth, then shut it. Giving him a look of dry amusement, Evelyn inclined her head ever so slightly. Tony came a halt to her right beside her. “What’s the plan boss?” He asked. 

“We split up. Ziva you are with Tony’s. Matthew’s you are with me,” Gibbs ordered, and Evelyn blinked in surprise. He slanted an unreadable look her way as if half expecting her to pitch a fit. Instead, she stood there quietly and patiently waiting orders. “We find West, and get him. Do not let him see you unless you have to. I don’t want this bastard to feel cornered, and someone end up getting hurt.” 

* * *

Traumatized. A seemingly innocent word for the things that could easily break a man. Lucas had went through those things, had been down in deep dark places and while he managed to fool the world around him (even managed to fool his superiors.) The one person he couldn’t fool was himself. Sleep evaded, and when it did come to him it was hard to keep. After a phone call from Fornell who ordered him to break into Evelyn’s house while she was gone, he could feel the angry outburst boil upward. It was violent, and sudden and almost all consuming. His muscles felt like knots, and he could feel a headache coming on. All remnants of dark days that still plagued him. 

His blue eyes swept across the room. Evelyn Matthews had been through something traumatic. She tried to hide it behind the bright colors, or neatly placed knickknacks. But he saw through the bright smiles in those photographs, and he saw through the cracks in this house. He saw through them like he saw through his own reflection each morning. A struggle to reconcile with the daily things, and return to normal. But how could one do that when the definition of normal had been completely obliterated by fear and pain? Lucas ran his finger tips across the fireplace lightly and carefully not to leave a trace behind. 

She had a penchant for ships. He counted at least five different boat models placed through out the house. The colors of the house were warm and inviting. He would have said that was just how the house was decorated, but he could smell the faint odor of fresh paint in the air. This was her touch on this place, her realized only faintly surprised. He glanced over at the boxes of things she had yet to pack away. He seriously doubted it was out of conscious procrastination. She had been meticulously in everything’s placing, probably OCD habit. The unpacked boxes were clearly a sign that she was not sure if she was ready to stay, he thought. He focused on every little detail to memorized the entire layout of the house. He kept his foot steps silent, and he paused by a box that was opened. 

His stark blue eyes glanced across the books, and he realized it was photo albums. His fingers reached down, and picked the first one off the top. With intense care, he flipped the front cover open and came across several photographs of London. One of Big Ben, one of the Last House in England, one a bridge, and several other landmarks. He turned the next page and found pictures of Ireland next. Several of Powerscout Waterfall if he was not mistaken. He flipped through several other pages, and found similar pictures of different places through Scotland, Glasglow, and much more. Pictures of places, and things, but never of people. No one of a mother, or father. Not even of herself. Not until the very last page. 

Lucas’s expression softened, though he did not know it. It was a picture of Evelyn when she just a teenager. Sixteen or seventeen, if he hazarded a guess. Her blue eyes were wide, and a large smile upon her red lips. She looked so bright and happy, without a care in the entire world. He studied it a bit longer than he needed to before he shut the photo album and set it in the box. He made his way up the stairs, without a sound. He could smell the scent of fresh paint, and he glanced at the walls. A strange combination of settling into the home, and with one foot out of the door. 

He twisted the door knob, and stepped through the threshold before he came to a stop all together. 

Vanilla. 

The moment he stepped into the bedroom, the smell assaulted him and he was momentarily overcome by it. He felt a strange twist in his chest, and he inhaled deeply without meaning to. Vanilla with the hint of something husky, and purely feminine. The room was painted in light blues, and immediately he thought of the ocean. Not the one on a clear, cloudless day. No, a passion tempest with dark clouds and billowing tides rushing towards the shore. Evelyn Matthews had put a lot of thought into this house, to set it up the way she wanted. So why was she so hesitant to settle here? Lucas frowned, deeply. 

His cellphone rang and he heaved a deep sigh. Pulling it free from his pocket, he flipped it open and pressed it to his ear. “North,” he answered, roughly. 

“ _They are on route,_ ” Fornell’s voice was an unpleasant thing to hear for Lucas right at that moment. _“I would suggest getting out of there.”_

“Very well,” Lucas agreed, and shut the phone. Drawing a deep breath, he shut the door behind him quietly and made his way out of the house. _Trauma,_ he mused again, thoughtfully. He knew the signs of trauma as well. He saw them in himself everyday. He experienced them everyday. So his mind raced trying to decipher what kind of trauma Evelyn went through, and he had a nagging feeling that it had something to do with Tarasov. His lips were dipped down in a firm frown as he made his across the yard, with more questions than he had before. 

* * *

The mall looked so normal, people moving about but they knew something was going on. How could they not when security guards were spaced out with a few police officers here and there. The wise people headed for the exits, while the not so bright decided to stay behind. The tension in the air was palpable, and Evelyn felt her grip tighten on her gun. Out of the corner of her eye, she glanced over at Gibbs whose expression left her blood cold. This was the soldier, the Marine, the Sniper, she thought with heart pounding in her chest. His face was something fierce, and his blue eyes hard as he scanned the area. 

“Where?” Gibbs paused just long enough to ask a police officer. 

“That way,” the cop pointed. 

Gibbs took off up the escalator, running up them. Evelyn hot on his heels and tried not to fall on the escalator. Her heart sounded like thunder in her ears as her eyes tried to look everywhere at once. The combined smell of greasy food and of perfume made her wrinkle her nose in disgust as she narrowed her eyes on the crowd. Several shops had been closed down, while only a handful stayed open. Darrin could hide in one of them, but that was extremely unlikely. On the second floor there was no exits through the shops. He would try to get down the main floor, and get out through there. She looked around with Darrin West’s face was in her mind’s eye and tried to find it in the crowd. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him out of the corner of her eye, and she jerked and looked down at the floor below them. She hated it when her gut was right. 

“Boss,” she called out, but she knew she had a split second to make a choice. Darrin West was obviously heading towards an exit as discretely as he could with the hostage that he had his arm wrapped around. They didn’t have time to run down escalators or around the food court to catch him. When he headed down a hallway out of sight, and Evelyn sprang forward. 

“Matthews, what the _hell?_ ” Gibbs voice came from behind her as she ran forward, and leapt on the railing. She didn’t stop there, and she didn’t look down. Either of those things would easily spell disaster. Instead, she jumped as hard and as far as she could. Her feet wobbled as she landed on the railing of the escalator, and she jumped across the railing until she was ten feet off of the bottom floor. Evelyn squeezed her eyes shut, and jumped down. Pain splintered up her legs, but she managed to stumble forward. After a moment or two, she sprinted across the marble floor and towards the hallway. As she came around the corner, she found Darrin struggling with his hostage. 

His dark eyes raised at the movement, and she watched the blood drain out of his face. “Stop!” Darrin immediately shouted. 

Seeing the blade at the woman’s throat, Evelyn immediately complied. Her gun was raised at him, and her eyes took as much detail as she could. “Hey, buddy,” she said, her voice soft and calm though she was certain it was a losing effort. “Darrin? Right? That’s you name?” Darrin twitched ever so slightly, but he did not remove his hand from the woman’s throat. Evelyn licked her lips, and stared at him keeping her eyes focused straight on his. “You don’t want to hurt her, Darrin. I know you don’t. You know you don’t. Remember…that’s why you joined the army? To protect people. Protect her, Darrin. Let her go, and we’ll get you some help.” 

Darrin’s jaw worked. His eyes darted around, half suspicious and half mad. He swallowed thickly, and she saw his hand tremble around the crying young woman’s throat. His fingers one by one began to loosen when Tony and Ziva came running around the corner. “Hey!” Tony shouted, not seeing Evelyn standing there. 

Evelyn let out a curse as Darrin’s eyes zoomed in on the pair, and he shoved the young woman, and she stumbled backward, over her own feet and hit the ground hard. Darrin pulled out a gun from his jacket, and pointed it at Tony. Evelyn reacted, and charged him, bulldozing into him from the side. The impact sent them both staggering, and they fell down the mall stairs. Evelyn hit the ground so hard that it knocked the air out of her, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Darrin begin to pick himself up off the ground. As soon as she rolled to her feet, he lunged at her and she dodged to the side and stuck out her foot. He stumbled, but this time managed to stay on his feet. His chin was lowered, tucked close to his chest, and there was blood in his eyes. 

Well, shit. She had done it now. She automatically fell into a martial arts stance, something she had learned several years ago and always stuck with. She heard excited, alarmed voices around her from the shoppers but they sounded far off and distant to her ears. 

_“Someone call nine-one-one!”_

“Oh, my God!” 

“What the hell is going on?” 

“Fight!” 

Darrin charged, and this time there was no evading him. His madness did nothing to his hinder movements, his military training so engrained upon him. Evelyn went down under his onslaught of kicking and punches. She blocked the best she could, and tried to hit him as much as she could, but then one of his fists hit her in the rib cage. The power behind it stunned her, and in hindsight, it really shouldn’t have. She went staggering backwards, her back slammed into wall and Darrin’s hand went around her throat. She heard Tony’s shout of warning, and a terrible noise ripped through her throat. A harsh choking sound, and with one hand grabbed him by the wrist, trying to pry it off of her. 

Several thoughts went through her mind in that moment, but only one struck her. Don’t die, it was her mother’s voice, crystal clear like she was right there beside her. With a grunt, she pulled her feet up off the ground and planted them against Darrin’s chest. She shoved with all her might, her muscles burning with the exertion and Darrin grunted, but he let go. She didn’t even let herself draw in a breath, and kicked him right between the legs. He crumbled to his knees, and Evelyn ripped the fire extinguish off the wall beside and struck him across the face as hard as she could. He fell to the ground, out cold. Evelyn’s back hit the wall, and the fire extinguisher hit the floor. 

She drew in a much needed breath of air, and the burning in her lungs eased. “You took your time,” she stated, a tiny bit of amusement in her eyes as she pushed herself off the wall. Her hands were slightly shaking and her legs felt vaguely like noodles. 

“You looked like you had a handle on things,” Tony sent her a smirk, but he had a serious look in his eyes as he took out the handcuffs. “How long have you been doing martial arts?” Tony asked, as he knelt over the suspect to clasp the cuffs around his wrists. 

Evelyn blinked, momentarily taken aback that he noticed that detail. “For several years, I started when I was a teenager,” she answered, helping him haul their suspect off the ground. Darrin was like heavy dead weight being out cold. 

“A hobby?” He asked. 

“Not exactly,” Evelyn said, shooting him sidelong glance. She rubbed her sore and throbbing neck, each breath accompanied by a wince. 

“What discipline do you train in?” Ziva came up from behind them as if she just melted out of the shadows, and it took everything in Evelyn not to jump. 

“Karate, mostly. Degree Brown,” she answered, a tension building at the base of her skull. Out of all the group, Ziva made her the most nervous. More than even Gibbs. It wasn’t the lethal gait she walked with, or even the number of weapons Evelyn spied on her person. Ziva was exactly like _him_ , and that instantly put a bad taste in her mouth. She wondered, did NCIS intentionally hire her on to keep their ally Mossad ‘close’? Or did Mossad do it to keep an eye on NCIS? Probably both, but in the end she couldn’t judge. She knew what it felt to be balancing on a very tight line, however that did not mean she had to trust Ziva. She would be civil, and withhold judgment for now. “I also do kick-boxing,” she added, after a long moment. “Now _that_ is a hobby.” 

“Ah,” Ziva smiled, thinly. It did not take for police, and other NCIS agents to be dispatched to the scene, and Evelyn could not describe the amount of relief she felt when they were able to hand Darrin West off. That relief was short lived when she saw Gibbs matching towards her with a the fury of an oncoming storm. Not that she hadn’t expected he wouldn’t. She knew he would. She only had hoped that she could avoid it a bit longer. 

“Matthews!” Gibbs bellowed, made her cringe even though she would deny it if anyone pointed it out. Slowly she turned facing the enraged man head on. “What the hell were you thinking?” 

The unfairness of his anger made her choke with rage, which was a good thing, because the word that would have come spewing out of her mouth would not have been polite. Instead, she narrowed her eyes into a piercing glare. “I was catching our suspect,” she stated, her voice flat. “And you were?” 

Tony blanched, and Ziva arched a brow. 

Gibbs? Oh, Gibbs looked livid. He glared down at her, his expression pinched and the lines around his eyes more pronounced with his anger. “You don’t go anywhere without back up. _Never,_ ” Gibbs practically spat. Sirens screeched in the distance, coming closer with every second. “Do you understand me?” 

Evelyn was tempted to tell him where he could shove his rules, but she bit inside of her cheek. “Yes, boss,” she stated, her face completely composed, but her eyes were ice cold. Gibbs frowned, deeply as if he could sense that she wasn’t being entirely sincere with her answer, but Tony cut him off before he could launch into another tirade. 

“Evelyn, you’re bleeding,” Tony pointed out. 

Evie blinked, and reached up brushing her fingers across her cheek. Blood coated her fingers, and she hissed at the flare of pain. She didn't know if she was fine or not, but she didn't seem to have any broken bones and she wasn't dizzy, so there couldn't be any major damage. “I’m fine. It’s just a scratch,” she shrugged. 

The cavalry arrived in the form of two patrol cars and a fire medic truck, arrived with flashing lights. Uniformed officers began wading through the crowd, while neighbors directed the medics to the injured while Ziva and Tony hauled off the suspect back to NCIS. Thirty minutes…thirty minutes, and it was all over. Paramedics checked over the young woman whom Darrin assaulted, and they bandaged up Evelyn minor scraps despite her insistent that she did not need to be checked further. Gibbs had given her a dark glare, and she reluctantly let the paramedics to their job. 

She waited until the medics were gone, then peeled the gauze and tape free from her cheek with a wince. Now that the excitement was over, she was exhausted; all she wanted was a hot shower, a giant sandwich from Subway and then to fall into her bed. She yawned as she began trudging down to the car. Gibbs fell into step beside her, and he was silent. She glanced up at him, then focused straight ahead once more. A shiver of fear ran down her spine because she did not like the look on his face, as he loomed over her. 

Damn him for not sharing any of his height. He was six foot freaking tall, and honestly it just made him all the more intimidating. “Do you always jump feet first into dangerous situations?” he asked in a conversational tone. 

She paused, for the lack of anger in his voice threw her off for the moment. She spare him a quick glance. Lines around his eyes tight, his posture stiff. Yep, still pissed, she thought with a heavy sigh. “Pretty much,” she finally said. 

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose, and cursed Jenny again. He knew this girl was going to be trouble. “Figures,” he muttered, underneath his breath. 

Evelyn shot him a narrowed eyed look. “Look, what was I supposed to do? Just let him get away?” She asked, hands on her hips as she came to a halt in front of the car. 

“No, but I expected you to at least use some common sense and not run head first into danger without any back up,” Gibbs stated, darkly. “This is a _team,_ we work together. We have your six and your are supposed to have ours.” 

“And I’m supposed to trust you to have my back?” Evelyn twisted around to snap something back at him, but whitehot pain shot up her side and she groaned, leaning against the car in order not to fall to over. A hiss escaped through clenched teeth, and she held her right side tightly. Slowly she straightened and gave him a look of such ferocious fury. “You snarling at me every time you see me. You have made it abundantly clear that you really don’t want me here. That you’d prefer it that I would just disappear all together!” Her anger grew, like a gust of air of smoldering ember reigniting the fire. Pain, hurt and so many other emotions swelled up inside her chest. “I came into this fully prepared to try and trust you, but you Agent Gibbs weren’t prepared to give me a chance…” And after her tirade was over, she pressed her forehead against the cold metal of the car. Her breath were short, greedy gasps as she pressed her eyes closed to will away the pain in her side. 

Gibbs stood there for a long moment in silence. He wasn’t sure what took him aback more, her words or her anger. His brows lowered. “What happened to your ribs?” He asked, gruffly. 

Evelyn let out a long breath. “He managed to land a punch,” she grumbled out, pulling the car door open and gingerly sat down in the passenger seat of the car. 

He blew out an exasperated breath. “Why didn't you say something to the paramedics, Matthews?” He glowered down at her with such exasperation that if it had been a better day, Evelyn might have laughed. 

“They’re not broken,” Evelyn said, with a slight blink. “Just bruised. They would have been nothing the paramedics could have done for me that I couldn’t do for myself.” 

“Just bruised,” Gibbs snorted. “You know this for a fact, huh? You don't think maybe they could be cracked?” He asked, roughly. 

“They don’t feel cracked,” Evelyn sighed. 

“And you have so much experience with cracked ribs you know how they feel?” Gibbs arched a brow, and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Yes,” Evelyn stated, simply. Her simplistic answer threw him, and she knew it by the way his brows pinched. She offered no explanation, and right now with the anger boiling in the pit of her gut at him, he wouldn’t get one either. There was a lot more that he wanted to say, she could see that in the way he stood over her for a moment. There was probably more to his lecture he started, but he relented. He shut the car door for and as he walked around, Evelyn slumped into the passenger seat with a heavy heart. All her anger, and all her spite was gone just leaving exhaustion behind. Gibbs got into the car, and he glanced over at Evelyn, his gaze guarded. 

Gibbs then turned away and started the motor. He threw the car in reserve, and back up out of the parking spot while Evelyn slumped further into her seat, a pain blossomed in her heart. She stubbornly held back any tears from the shock of the attack, and the words her father dealt her. She closed her eyes, and leaned her head against the window and just let oblivion settle in around her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END OF CHAPTER
> 
> NEXT CHAPTER! Evelyn and Gibbs must come to an understanding. Abby takes Evelyn out for a night of celebrating, and Lucas shows up to make his first move.
> 
> Rrs are appreciated.


	7. Tell Me What You Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn, Abby, Ziva have a girl's night out, but an unexpected guest may ruin things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank the people Gibletlovescookies, Jessica_valdez, TriberForLife93, unilocular, Firesunset, LyricalNerd, candy_hearts, redhouseclan, strange_one24, skeddy_kat, and lillianschild as well as 22 guests who left kudos on this work!
> 
> I want to thank witchchild1234, TriberForLife93, Firesunset, candy_hearts, aboutnici, and strange_one24 for adding me to their bookmarks.

CHAPTER SEVEN

[](http://s1084.photobucket.com/user/tigerililly/media/20996483b876d3a5bac3d6abd6e5c1303c9b2920_zpsurqsp4o7.png.html)

"Tell Me What You Want"

* * *

_Her own little corner._

_Evelyn hated the corner. It was the only corner she felt safe in, thus why it was named her own little corner. The hospital walls were white, so plain white that it hurt her eyes as the sun shined off of them. Of course, it didn't occur to her that it was strange that the sun was shining in or that there was sand beneath her feet. That would come later when she woke up. Right now, it felt so natural to be sitting in her chair, in her own little corner where only two walls were standing. The roof was gone, and the other walls were buried beneath the sand. Lost now._

[ ](http://s1084.photobucket.com/user/tigerililly/media/tumblr_m77z44q0If1rou14zo1_500_zpscuhujcp0.jpg.html)

_The ocean was hypnotic in the way it moved. Turquoise waves rolled up onto the blinding white sand, the muted roar as they retreated then returned with more strength than before. With the sun hanging in the distant above the water, it looked like an absolutely perfect day. A sailboat was of in the distance, had captured her attention and she watched it idly. She had gotten so lost in watching it that she almost missed it. The spot of grey out of the corner of her eye. Without haste, she turned her so fast that she almost got whiplash. Shock ran through her swifter than a lightning bolt, and she rose to her feet. Gibbs. There was no doubt. Even though he was still very far away there was no mistaking him. He was so out of place on the beach in his grey suit and his shoes, Evelyn inanely thought, would be so full of sand. He should have taken them off before strolling on the beach. Her slim brows arched in puzzlement, and she took a couple of steps when someone spoke behind her. A child someone, "He's not here for you."_

_The sunny day was instantly covered by a dark overcast and the waves churned ominously. Evelyn twisted around, and came face to face with her eight year old self. Her hair had been darker back then. It had only got it red hues in her late teenage years, though she knew not why. Genetics were not her specialty. "What are you doing here?" Evelyn demanded, her stomach twisting with unease._

_Kelly arched a brow. "The stork brought me remember," she said, with a smirk that should not be on any child's face. Especially her own._

_"That isn't what I meant," Evie stated, eyes narrowed._

_"Of course not. But it's all your going to get," Kelly said, brushing the hair of a doll that looked too much like Shannon Gibbs that it frankly left Evelyn more than a little perturbed. "You haven't been exactly forthcoming, so why should I?"_

_"What are you supposed to be?" Evelyn crossed her arms over her chest. "My conscious? I don't need a Jimmy Cricket, especially not one that is a creepy version of my eight year old self."_

_Kelly merely arched a brow._

_"Kelly…"_

_Evelyn and Kelly turned and Gibbs was standing there. Evelyn's heart hammered inside her chest, pounding so loud that it was nearly deafening. "Dad," her voice sounded so faint, and she went to walk forward when she found she couldn't. She was stuck! She looked down at her feet, and horror crashed through her. She wasn't stuck…she was sinking. Fear crashed through her and she tried to pull her feet out of the sand, but her struggle only made her sink faster. "Dad," she said this time with panic._

_Gibbs didn't even look at her. It was like he couldn't hear her at all, and she watched as Kelly pranced over to her face with a big smile. "Why would he want you? You're broken, can't be fixed. When you can't fix something, you throw it out. You don't keep it around," Kelly stated, smugly as she took her father's hand. "You aren't the memory he holds onto. I'm the one that should be here. Not you. You are the one that should be forgotten…" Gibbs and Kelly walked off hand in hand._

_And Evelyn sank beneath the sand._

Evelyn's eyes narrowed open, and a gasp tore through her throat as she sat up. Beads of sweat dripped down her forehead, and she ran a shaky hand through her hair before she covered her face with her hands. The nightmare had left her with a heart wrenching pain that it left her feeling ill, and she wiped away the tears before the good even begin. Giving a heavy sigh, she thought dryly,  _My subconscious isn't even trying to be subtle anymore._

Evelyn did not rush that morning. The throbbing aches and pains would not have let her hurry if she tried. She took a warm showed, lingering under the spray until some of the stiffness had eased up before she got dress. The next hour passed in a blur of coffee, traffic and she found herself all too soon stepping off the elevator. Evie sipped on her coffee as the elevator rode up to the squad room floor, and she flexed her bruised knee. She had put ice on it as soon as she got home, but it still bruised and was stiff and sore. She couldn't spend the entire day lying on ice packs, so she popped a couple of aspirin and hoped for the best. The elevator doors slid open and she walked out. Her entire face was covered in what she called 'battle paint', which basically meant that she put a ton of foundation on to cover the nasty bruise that Darrin West had left on her cheek. She looked pretty good, like she hadn't gotten into a brawl just three days ago. 

"Ah, hell," she breathed out. She spotted a familiar head of silver hair and admitted she took her time walking over to her desk. When she reached it, she didn't acknowledge him right away. She wasn't sure what to say. Half of her still angry at hell for what he said the other day, and the other half-against her better judgment-understood where he was coming from. "So…how did it all go?" 

"Darrin West is in custody," Ziva offered up. 

"And so is Bradley Devons," Tony added. 

"Bradley Devons?" Evelyn frowned. She listened as Tony and Ziva explained that West wasn't as crazy as everyone believed, and the terrorists did in fact have Devon Corp weapons. The kicker was they did not steal them. They were sold to them. Bradley Devons had been selling his company's weapons in the black market, and when his scheme was about to fall apart thanks to Darrin's survival in the attack, he had paid Darrin's sister a substantial amount of money to make Darrin look crazy. Too bad for Bradley that he was not good at covering his 'cyber tracks' as McGee called it. McGee was able to link it all together, and now Bradley was too facing serious charges for his part in the whole tragedy. Evelyn had expected to feel something, some sense of accomplishment with the case, but instead she felt an emptiness. 

"So you fit for duty?" Tony quirked up an eyebrow at her. 

"Light duty," Evelyn scowled. 

"Join the club," McGee muttered, a glance down at his leg. 

"How much longer are you going to be in that cast?" Elizabeth glanced over at McGee's leg cast and saw several signature all over it. Abby had signed it more than once much to everyone's amusement. 

"About three more weeks," McGee stated, with a deep sigh. 

"Until then probie gets to do all our paperwork," Tony crowed, with a large smile until he say Gibbs look at him. "Not that we make him do all out it, boss." 

Gibbs didn't look convinced, but dropped his eyes back down to his paperwork. McGee frowned, and looked between Tony and Evelyn. "Hey, why isn't she get called probie?" Tim asked, confused. 

"I did and I got threatened," Tony stated, flatly. “She is very convincing when she is threatening.” 

Evelyn chuckled. 

"And that stopped you?" Ziva arched a brow. 

Tony looked at Evelyn. "Usually it wouldn’t," he replied, "but I have a feeling that she would go with her threats." 

"And people say you aren't smart, DiNozzo," Evelyn smiled, and crossed her arms over her chest. 

"Thanks." Then his brows furrowed. "Who said?" 

Ziva laughed, while McGee ducked to hide his smirk. Evelyn just shook her head with a light laugh, but it was immediately silence when Gibbs stood up abruptly from his desk. He brushed past her and briskly made his way up the stairs towards the Director's office. Evelyn had been tempted to stop him, and for the briefest of moments, Evelyn was tempted to speak. To explain her actions from the mall, why she felt compelled to go after Darrin by herself. Instead, no words fell from her tongue. She stood there for a long moment before she caught sight of a lab coat out of the corner and whirled around to find herself face to face with a brightly grinning Abby. 

"Hello, Abby," Evelyn blinked. 

"Evelyn! Just the person I was looking for," Abby said, with a pleased smile. "What are you doing this evening?" 

Evelyn quirked up an eyebrow. "And why do you wish know of my plans?"  _Or lack thereof,_  she added, dryly in her mind. She stepped into the elevator, and Abby followed her with a bounce in her step. 

"Ziva and I are having Girls Night Out, emphasizes on the girls so don't even think about it Tony," Abby gave him a sharp glare. Tony held up his hands with a 'what did I do' expression. "Anyways, we were hoping you would tag along. It would be fun and we can celebrate it for a 'you survived your first case' kind of thing," Abby grinned. 

"We never celebrated when I survived my first case," McGee said. 

"Me neither," Tony added in. "All I got from Gibbs-" 

"You two are ruining this. Stop it," Abby demanded, hands on hips. She then turned back to Evelyn with a bright smile. "It'll be fun. Won't it Ziva." 

"Indeed. I've become quite the pool dolphin," Ziva said, smugly. 

"Pool shark," Tony corrected. 

"What?" Ziva made a face. 

"It's pool shark," Evelyn said, with a tiny smile. "Not dolphin." 

"Why is it a shark? A dolphin would be much better at pool than a shark," Ziva complained, her lips pursed. "They are more nimble and intelligent than sharks." 

"Ah, but Ziva, sharks are the iconic predators of the deep," Tony stated, theatrically and with a large grin on his face. "They ever moved forward, never going back. They can smell blood from a mile away, and they made movies about them. Have there been any movies about dolphins?" Evelyn opened her mouth, and Tony pointed a finger at her. "Ones that aren't documentaries, and that are blockbuster hits." 

Evelyn closed her mouth. 

"Well, I still believe that a dolphin would be better at pool," Ziva stated, stubbornly. 

"That shows what you know," Tony stated. 

"And what would you know of pool?" Ziva glowered. 

"You guys can argue over it later," Abby waved her hands at both of them, dismissively. "So, are you in?" Abby quirked up an eyebrow in Evelyn's direction. 

Evelyn thought over it very carefully. She wasn't one to go out, she preferred to stay to herself. It hadn't always been that way, but the thought did send a jolt of anxiety through her. However, the pleading look on Abby's face was hard to ignore and surely one night wouldn't cause any harm. "Alright, sure," Evelyn nodded. "I'm in." ￼ 

* * *

"She acted without thought." 

"It happens to everyone, especially on their first case," Jenny looked at Gibbs with ill veiled amusement. "It happens when you want to impress your superiors." 

"There is trying to impress someone, and then there is putting someone at risk," Gibbs spared her a quick glance. 

"Face it, she took care of the risk," Jenny stated, her lips twitched. "She impressed you, and that's what really pisses you off because I was right. Again." 

"You just have an answer to everything, don't you Jen?" Gibbs stopped his pacing, and turned to give a glare at the Director. 

"I learned it from you," Jenny stated, a coy smile tugged at her lips. It was so easy to fall into banter with Gibbs. "And I do not know why this has you so upset, Jethro. Yes, did she jump the gun and the media had a field day with the cell phone footage of her jumping across the escalators. Though if those a reason to get upset may I remind you of you and your teams antics over last few years." The grudging look he sent was enough to make her smile slightly. "And she still got him," Jenny reminded him, suppressing a smile as she watched Gibbs pace her office thoroughly angered. She had never seen him so riled up by a new agent before and it was more amusing to her than it probably should have been. "She's good. She reminds me of someone," the Director said, thoughtfully. 

"Oh, yeah?" Gibbs looked at her, dryly. "Yourself?" 

Jenny snorted lightly. "You," she corrected him. 

Gibbs came to an immediate halt, and denial upon his tongue. None past his lips, and he saw Jenny quirk up a smug eyebrow in his direction. With a frustrated sigh, he turned on his heel and out the door. Jenny watched with more than a little amusement, and let out a chuckle. She was glad she hired the girl. Evelyn Matthews was proving to be all she expected, and more. 

* * *

￼Lucas North found himself sitting at the bar called the _Moonlight Avenue_ that night. His thoughts weighed heavy upon his mind as he nursed an ice cold beer. His blue eyes flickered through the crowd, patiently waiting. The place was quite busy, more busy than he had initially thought, but it would give him the better advantage. 

The door opened, and there Evelyn Matthews walked through. For a moment, he was struck by her. He had always known that she was beautiful woman, but she had dressed to impress. She was vision in sapphire, her dress that wrapped around her every curve and flared out at the hips. His eyes drank in every detail of her. The creamy swell of her breasts beneath the smooth fabric, and the graceful curve of her spine like a dancers. Her blue eyes glowed in the overhead light, and she made her way over towards him. The curls of her hair pulled back to reveal the delicate arch of her throat that begged for the brush of his lips… 

Well, that just happened. Good to know his libido hadn't died after all, though if he truly admitted to himself, he had found Evelyn Matthews attractive way before now. "Who is she?" Lucas asked the bartender. He wanted to learn all he could about his little neighbor before he approached her. Did she come here often? If so who did she spend her time with? Did she try to forget herself in the bottom of a bottle like he did some nights? 

"No idea," the bartender said, holding his hands up. "I'd never seen her before. But damn, if she didn't walk in here looking like Grace Kelly straight off the red carpet. Hell, if I wasn't slammed I might go ask her for a dance myself." 

_Now that is an idea…_ Lucas drew in a deep breath, and watched her seat down.  _Let the games begin,_  he thought with a bitter sort of amusement. He had a job to do after all. 

* * *

￼

"Long night?" Ducky asked as Gibbs strolled through the autopsy door. Gibbs gave him a humorless smile, and raised his coffee cup to his lips. "What do you have for me, Ducky?" He asked, lightly. 

"You know, Jethro, the more time I spend with someone, the more accurate my evaluation would be. One encounter, and working off of other people's assessments and reports is far from satisfactory," Ducky stated, fiddling with his glasses and his eyes narrowed on Gibbs's thoughtfully. 

"Try, Ducky," Gibbs said. 

"Fine," Ducky pulled off his gloves, and tossed them into the trash. "The agent is more street-smart than book smart. Possesses great inner strength. Very focused. Strong sense of justice. Unrelenting to the point of almost obsession. Dedication that comes at a great cost. Married four times, divorced three…" Gibbs let out a deep sigh. "Ducky…" Gibbs gave him a pointed look. He wasn't evaluating Matthews. Ducky was evaluating him. 

"I'm not finished, Jethro," Ducky stated, sharply. His chin raised stubbornly, and Gibbs just bowed his head with a sigh. "We're talking about a man who acts on his gut instinct. Who relies on his ability to judge people, and he's rarely wrong. As a result, he's a man who never suffers from self-doubt. Until now. What is it about Evelyn Matthews that causes you such doubt, Jethro?" 

"She's not some green agent. She has seen death before, she has experienced it yet that is not in her records," Gibbs pointed out, because it was the first thing that came to mind. 

"You can experience death without being an investigator, Jethro," Ducky felt compelled to point out. He watched the frustration cross Gibbs face, and he frowned deeply. 

"Maybe," Gibbs conceded, with a light frown. "There something…off about her. She is hiding something that much I am certain of, but what she is hiding I don't know." 

"Well, I will tell you what little I have gathered." Ducky tapped his fingers against his temples. "She has anxieties. Borderline on social anxiety, most likely from some sort of trauma she has suffered during her lifetime," Ducky said, his hands clasped in front of him as his expression turned thoughtful. "I can't not say what kind of trauma she has endured, but I know that at one point in her life it drove her to self harm." 

"Self harm?" Gibbs felt a jolt that went through him, and his stomach twisted unpleasantly. "How do you know she self harmed?" 

"At the pharmacy when she was helping me with the body. Her sleeve had lifted upward ever so slightly, and I saw the scars. They are a little over a year old, I suspect," Ducky nodded, a frown on his face. "It is sad to think that there are tragedies that could drive a person to wish away their own existence." 

"Yes, it is," Gibbs agreed, quietly. His eyes darkened when he remembered staring down the barrel of his own gun, his grief so great that it almost had driven him to pull the trigger. At the time, he had thought himself a coward. Now he knew that Kelly and Shannon would never wanted him to something like that. 

"Ah, but back to my assessment. She is careful about the way she holds herself, and make sure she is always presentable in a sense. A show if you will or a mask to keep people from seeing too much," Ducky stated, carefully. 

"However, there are cracks in the mask. Particularly when she saw the blood. She could not hide her reaction to it though she did the best she could, not to mention she cannot hide herself around you either." 

Gibbs frowned, lightly. "What do you mean, Ducky?" 

"I'm not entirely sure, but there is something about you that sets her on edge. Whether that has something to do with what she is hiding, I cannot tell you that. I can tell you that you get more flies with honey than vinegar," Ducky added, dryly. 

"Are you telling me I need to play nice?" Gibbs asked, with a hint of a smirk on his face. 

"It certainly wouldn't hurt. Despite the wariness you have of her, Evelyn Matthews seems to me a respectable young woman. She is intelligent, quick on her feet and prepared for a fight. One would think you would admire that," Ducky chuckled, lightly. 

"Are you doing to say that she reminds you of me?" Gibbs asked, eyes narrowed. 

"So you noticed," Ducky stated, brightly. 

Gibbs just sighed. ￼ 

* * *

Evelyn stepped through the doors, and felt a little more awkward standing there. The noise of chatter was loud, and the smell of cheap boozes perfumed the air. It sent a sharp pain spiked through her head, and she could feel her skin crawl. It felt like everyone looked over at her. She wished she had gone with her initially instinct to go with jeans and a t-shirt like the other women in the bar were wearing. Instead in her little blue dress, she stood out like a sore thumb. It seemed no matter how much she tried to put into hiding, she always managed to make herself stick out more. Part of her wanted to turn around and walk out the doors, but Abby spotted her before she could turn around. The goth waved her off more than little excitedly while swaying on her bar stool, and Evelyn made her way over to them with the best smile she could muster up. 

When she reached the table, she sent Abby a questioning look. 

The goth leaned over the table, a sad expression on her face and a half empty bottle of tequila in front of her. Judging by the beer that was in Ziva's hand, Evelyn was going to bet that Abby was the only one tossing back shots of tequila. "Why do I get the feeling that this Girls Night Out isn't so much a celebration?" Evelyn tried to joke, lightly. She titled her head to the side, and her blue eyes darted towards Ziva. "Alright, what's going on? What's wrong?" She asked. 

Ziva gave a startled expression, and shook her head. Evelyn's brows furrowed in confusion until Abby let out an angry noise like a pissed off cat. 

"McGee! McGee is what is the matter with me!" Abby spat out, and then swallowed down another shot of tequila. The goth made a face and shuddered. 

"McGee did something?" Evelyn floundered for an explanation. McGee didn't seem like the type to intentionally piss someone off, especially Abby. Her eyes darted around the bar, an air of nervousness wrapped around her like a blanket. She did not like crowded places, it made her anxious and put her on edge no matter how much she tried not to let it. 

"It's what he  _didn't_  do," Abby corrected, sadly. "Why can't he just act like he is upset? Just a little bit? Just for me?" 

"He isn't happy," Ziva stated. 

"Not being happy isn't the same thing," Abby waved off. She smacked the flat of the table with her hand, and looked pointedly at Evie. "Evelyn sit down. Get drunk with me so I don't have to be alone." 

Evelyn sat down, slowly. "I don't know about getting drunk," she said, still more than a bit bemused. 

Abby then looked her straight in the eye. "Gibbs hates you," she said, drunkenly and handed her a shot glass filled to the brim with tequila. "He thinks you suck real bad at your job. And that makes you really sad. Now get really drunk with me." 

"You are…cruel," Evelyn said, as if coming to a sudden revelation. She didn't know whether to be amused, or insulted. However, seeing the state that Abby was in, she was going to take whatever she said with a grain of salt. 

"Nope," Abby grinned, widely and drunkenly. "Just calling how I see it." 

Evelyn snorted, and threw the shot back. The liquid burned pleasantly down her throat, and brought a flush to her cheeks as a shudder down her spine. "Damn…that was good," she breathed out. 

"Wow. I'm impressed," Abby blinked. "Ziva thought for sure you'd make a face." 

"I did," Ziva shrugged, unrepentantly. 

"I probably would have, but tequila has become my friend in recent weeks." She poured two shot glasses to the rim, then looked at the waiter with a speculative glance. "I don't suppose you have any salt and limes?" 

"We do?" The waiter looked confused. 

"Can we have some, please?" Evelyn smiled at him. 

"Why do you want limes?" Ziva frowned. 

"You'll see," Evie stated, then her eyes flickered over towards Abby. "So…why do you want McGee be upset?" She asked, her tone light. 

"Because he got himself shot! In the leg!" Abby shouted, and the whole bar went quiet. Ziva let out a laugh before she could help herself, while Evelyn looked at Abby with wide eyes. "He got himself shot," Abby began, thankfully a lot more quietly. "And he didn't even care." 

"I'm sure he cared," Evelyn said, toying with the empty shot glass in her hand. "I mean, getting shot is quite painful. It's kind of hard to be apathetic to that." 

"His reaction is 'Oh, it was my job!'" Abby stated. "No, it's his job to not get shot and get the bad guy and he can't even pretend to be upset because he had me so worried." 

"Oh," Ziva and Evelyn said, understandingly. 

"But enough…about McGee," Abby decided, her voice quivered ever so slightly. "What about you?" She asked as she poured herself another drink. 

"My ribs are still sore, and I'm pretty sure my boss hates my guts, and I've got reprimanded on my very first case," Evie sighed, heavily. She looked at the empty tequila glass, and knew she really shouldn't fill it up again. Tomorrow was already looking like a gloomy day, and to add a hangover to it would just be adding insult to injury. Or headache to injury. However, she filled the glass anyways (perhaps she was bit of masochist) and drunk it down, too. 

"Well, aside from that—" Abby said, hesitantly. 

"Aside from that, I'm golden," Evelyn said, with a smile too wide to be real. 

The waiter returned, and gave Evelyn a smile as he set down the bowl of limes and salt on the table. "Thank you so much," Evelyn smiled at him. 

"Your welcome," the waiter said, and walked away. 

"Alright, I'm going to teach you a game," Evelyn smirked, widely. She pulled out her pocket knife, and dipped into a shot glass to sanitize it before she sliced the limes in quarters. After she done that, she licked the side of her hand and then she sprinkled salt on it. She looked up at Abby and Ziva who looked at her with confused amusement. "It's called Lick it…" She licked the salt off her hand. "Slam it…" She drank the shot like a pro. "And Suck it…" She picked up the lime slice and brought it to her mouth. She sucked on the lime, and pulled back. The flavors burst on her tongue, and a shudder ran from her entire body down from her head to her toes. Pulling the wedge out of her mouth, she let out a loud giggle. "Wow…it's been a while since I did that." 

"Let me try." Abby proceed lick the side of her hand, sprinkled the salt on her hand then lick the salt over, down the shot and sucked on the lime in record time. Her face scrunched up, and she made a noise in the back of her throat. 

"Oh…oh, I like this game. Let's play more," Abby grabbed some more limes, and Ziva let out a laugh. 

"Maybe you should slow down some, Abby," Ziva stated. 

"Why? I'm not driving," Abby shrugged. "I already have a cab schedule to pick me up, and I told Gibbs that if I didn't call him then he had free reign to unleash the hounds." 

"Unleash the hounds?" Evie quirked up an eyebrow. 

"Gibbs can be an over protective papa bear," Abby shrugged, with a smile. 

Evelyn's expression froze, and she couldn't stop the zing of jealous that panged through her. There was a wistfulness and longing that swelled in the back of her throat, and she looked down at the tequila in her shot glass. There wasn't enough alcohol in this bar to drown out the feelings inside of her, and it most certainly wouldn't solve anything. She honestly did not know what she wanted from her father. Her mind and her heart were going in two different directions, and it left her more than a little despondent. She sipped the tequila lightly, and hoped for a change in conversation. 

"So, Evelyn, anyone special in your life?" Abby asked. 

Evelyn arched a brow. "No, and no one interested in the position either," she stated, the tone of her voice flat. 

"No," Ziva shook her head. 

"Anyone special?" Abby scoffed. "Yeah, right. I haven't had someone…God, we are all sad. We going to die as old cat ladies." 

"Eh, not so much a cat person," Evelyn shrugged. 

"Perhaps it isn't the fact that we cannot find a man," Ziva posed the question, nonchalantly. "Perhaps we are too busy looking for the Perfect Man." 

Evelyn barely chocked back a scoff. The Perfect Man? The Perfect Man wouldn't look twice at her. Heck, any man wouldn't look at her. She was so screwed up that the immediate idea of a relationship was laughable. 

"Seriously though," Abby got a pensive look on her face, as she cocked her head to the side. "What is the perfect man? What would he be like?" 

"Hmm." Evelyn took the last sip of her tequila, and looked down at it a bit mournfully. She thought over it carefully. What she would want in a man, if she could actually think she could have any kind of healthy relationship. "I've never really thought about it. Probably because it would take  _way_  too much thought. But if I had to chose one main quality it would be faithfulness. Life is way too short to waste on someone you can't trust." 

"Hmm. That's a good one," Abby nodded. "But if we were making a list, not sure if it would be at the top. Close, but no cigar." 

"Close, but no cigar?" Ziva frowned. "What does that even mean?" 

Abby opened her mouth, and closed it. "I'm not really sure. It's just something we say," the goth gave a shrug of her shoulders. 

"You Americans idioms are so strange," Ziva murmured, and took another swig of her beer. 

"Don't feel bad," Evelyn gave her a half smile. "You're not the only one to think that." The trio of ladies lapsed into a little pond of silence, while the bar got a little more excited when the live band started playing. 

"Man. This place blows," Abby complained. "We should have went to a nightclub. Not some dinky bar…" Her eyes went wide as one of the waiters passing by shot her a look. "Not that there is wrong with that, if that's they kind of thing that you like…" The waiter walked off with a huff, and Abby's shoulders slumped. "Well, no more ordering drinks for me. With my luck, they'll spit in them." 

"Probably. But on the subject of the perfect man, I believe that someone who is financially stable, with a steady job is very important. The rest can be worked on," Ziva stated, simply. 

"Worked on?" Evelyn looked amused. 

"My mother used to say that men are like clay," Ziva smiled ever so slightly. "The potter can not always chose the finest clay, but they can always craft it into something beautiful. Relationship takes work, and people have to change and adapt when in one." 

"Wow…that was very deep," Evelyn stated, with a blink. 

"Too deep and meaningful to be said in this bar," Abby gave a hysterical giggle then hiccupped. "Oh, boy. I think I need to cut myself off." 

"And I'm going to go play some music," Evie said, sliding off the bar stool. Once she was on her feet, she became painfully aware of just how intoxicated she was. Too many shots, she thought shaking her head. Gathering her wits about herself, she turned towards the jukebox when her eyes focused on a man at the bar. "Oh, my God," Evelyn breathed out. 

It was her neighbor. He sat there, his elbows braced against the bar with the muscles of his back flexed beneath the button up black shirt. His raven hair had been slicked back out of the way of those smoldering blue eyes that peered into her in a way that she could not recall anyone else's ever had. She sudden felt vulnerable, exposed and so many other things that she couldn't untangle in that moment.  _I know what he looks like naked,_  the thought crossed her mind, and she swallowed down a hysterically laugh while something warm spiked through her blood. Something about knowing what he looked like underneath all those clothes made her stomach clenched and her legs feel like jelly. She pressed a hand to her heart, and found it racing beneath her chest. 

"What?" Ziva was immediately on alert. "Is something wrong?" 

"Wait. No, no, it's just my neighbor," Evie stated, letting out the breath she had been holding in. 

"Your neighbor? Which one?" Abby asked. 

"The one at the bar," Evelyn gestured ever so slightly, and when she saw the smirk curve across her neighbor's lips, her flush darkened.  _Oh, God, he knows we are watching him,_  she thought with more than little more mortification.  _For heaven's sake, Evelyn do not blurt out anything about seeing him naked. That is not something I want to get back to Tony's ears, he would never let me live it down._

[ ](http://s1084.photobucket.com/user/tigerililly/media/lucas1111_zpsfyw0gyjd.gif.html)

"You have  _that_  for a neighbor?" Abby looked over Lucas appreciatively. "You are so lucky." Then the goth got a speculative look in her eyes, and she looked at Evelyn with a Cheshire Cat kind of smile. "Does it come with some kind of benefits? If not, you should definitely look into cause I bet those would be some good benefits…" 

Evelyn's mouth dropped open as she made a tiny groan of embarrassment. She pressed a hand to her forehead, and just hoped the noise drowned out their conversation and that he did not just hear that. Abby looked at her and smacked her one the arm. "Come on, you and I both know that that man right there would be some good sex! Wait, no, strike that! It would be amazing sex! The mind blowing, can't feel my feet afterwards, what is my name kind of sex!" 

Ziva laughed, and loudly. 

"I can't believe I agree to this," Evelyn stated, mournfully. 

"Oh, come on," Abby said. "You are having fun. Admit it." The goth sat up a little straighter, and she looked Evelyn's neighbor up and down. "He is totally making eyes at you. Go ask him for a dance," Abby ordered, and shoved Evelyn off her bar stool. 

Evelyn stumbled, and shot Abby a look. "I am not going to ask him to dance," she hissed, underneath her breath. 

"Look I am not getting any," Abby pointed a finger in Evelyn's face and it took her a moment to focus her eyes on Evelyn's face. "You however have an ample opportunity to have fun and I can live vicariously through you in this moment. Go dance and have fun." 

"I'm not-" Evelyn protested. 

"Go!" Abby ordered. 

Evelyn gave her a dark and grudging look like she was half tempted to disobey the strange and silly order. Ziva however shook her head. "Just comply. It will make your life much easier," Ziva stated, with a small smile at the edge of her lips. 

"Hey, what is that supposed to mean?" Abby said, and gave her the stink eye. 

"Oh, nothing," Ziva shrugged her shoulders then suddenly she sat up a little straighter, intrigued. Her eyebrow arched, and a cat-like gleam entered them. "It appears that you won't have to go ask your neighbor to dance after all. He is coming to you." 

"He is what…" Evelyn whipped around, and looked straight up into blue eyes. There were more even compelling up close and personal, for now she could see the pale blue circled by the deep sapphire. Like the sky on a moonlight night. She drew in a sharp startled breath and the scent of him overwhelmed her leaving her light headed for a moment. He smelt of something warm with the hint of spicy and sharpness that could only be describe as purely masculine. It took her a moment to find her tongue once again. 

"Oh…hello," she stated, more than little caught off guard. "You're not naked." 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Lucas makes headway with Evelyn while her phobias catch up with her, and she reached an understanding with Gibbs. Elle shows up, and Evelyn has a little bit of a break down.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer, the game Lick it, Slam it and Suck it is from General hospital.
> 
>  
> 
> I will put up warnings in the next chapter because Evelyn is going to go through some PTSD, and can cause others to have trigger responses, but I just wanted to give everyone a heads up.
> 
> RRs are appreciated.


	8. 'One Step Forward, Two Steps Back'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn PTSD affects her night out, and Lucas comes to a hard realization.

￼

* * *

CHAPTER EIGHT

[ ](http://s1084.photobucket.com/user/tigerililly/media/spookch_zpst47kfhp7.png.html)

'One Step Forward, Two Steps Back'

* * *

There was a beat, and Evelyn realized what she had just said. Her mouth opened and closed, a strangled noise came from her throat while she heard Ziva stifle a snigger from behind her. Lucas’s lips curled upward into a delicious smirk that did nothing to help matters. 

“I only meant…you’re wearing clothes,” Evelyn said, trying to back track but only shoving her foot further into her mouth. She stood there, her spine rigid and straight as two pink dots glowed white-hot upon her cheeks as she wished the earth would just swallow her up in that moment. Her neighbor laughed, not in the least bit offended. It was a rich, deep rumbling sound that made the goosebumps across her flesh. She swallowed thickly, and heard Abby faintly from behind her ask, "Wearing clothes?" 

"I traditionally do," he grinned, broadly. 

"Oh…that's good," Evelyn stated, lamely. She was already feeling way out of her comfort zone coming to have a 'Girl's Night Out'. The people, the noise, the lights all pressed in on her. The alcohol dulled it, but it was never forgotten. Now, come face to face with him seemed to enhance all of it. Her nerves raked along her skin like claws, and she drew in a steady breath. "What are you doing here?" Evie asked, then she looked slightly alarmed when she realized how rude that question was. "Not that you don't have a right to be here, that is." 

He chuckled. "I'm here to forget," he answered, a slight shrug of his shoulders. Evelyn paused, taken aback for a moment because she could see that he was truly sincere about that statement. "Imagine my surprise when I see you walk in. I should apologize for staring, but you are…truly exquisite." 

Evelyn's eyes widened in shock, and a blush crossed her cheeks. "I…I…Thank…thank you?" She asked, completely baffled. A tidal waves of emotions hit her, good ones and bad ones. The woman part of her was flattered, the broken part of her couldn't help to be afraid and uncertain. 

"I have to say, I didn't realize that women still blushed anymore," Lucas stated, with a wide smirk. His eyes were smoldering as he looked down at her. His heart kicked into high gear, the anticipation of her gaze meeting his. He didn't take his eyes away from her, and by God, she was still beautiful. Even with those shadows flickering in her gaze, there was a softness to her that he didn't think he had ever encountered with another person. Her eyes widened, met his. Was she alarmed by his interest? Or perhaps by him in general? "I'm sorry, I hope I'm not bothering you," Lucas smiled, with a shrug of his shoulders. "I just thought I'd come over and say hello, and try to get off on the right foot seeing how we got off on the wrong foot." 

"Uh-huh," Abby nodded, and shared a mischievous look with Ziva behind Evelyn's back. “Got off on something.” 

"That's…a bit of an understatement," Evie stated, her voice faint. She looked at him, and felt some stir inside her chest. This was something different. This was something she hadn't felt before, or at least, for a long time. "I never did get your name," she said, breathlessly after her tongue darted out to wet her parched lips. 

"My apologies," he said, a sheepish, boyish grin tugged at his lips. His voice was even softer than before, a tone of intimacy laced between through words. "That was terribly bad manners on my part. I'm Lucas. Lucas North." 

And he held out his hand. Evelyn hesitated for all of a second before she slid her fingers through his. His fingers were calloused, but not like that of someone who did manually labor for a living. However, there was an unspoken strength that laid beneath that hand. "Nice…to meet you, Lucas," she said, with an attempt at a smile. "At least, under better circumstances this time." 

Lucas could see why Tarasov was so obsessed with her. She could crawl inside of a man before he had the chance to run just with one smoldering look. She had a subtle, innocent seduction that came to her as natural as breathing though he could see something else there. Something much deeper that he reacted to. She was more than the bright innocent woman that others saw. She was filled with pain, sorrow, and lost. He understood that more than he was willing to admit. Shadows had long ago stolen his life, and turned him into a person he scarcely recognized anymore. He released her hand slowly, marveling at how soft her skin was. "I was wondering, if it isn't a bit forward of me, if you would like to dance," he asked, with his most charming smile. Her eyelashes were long and sweeping, two thick crescents that drew attention to her large blue eyes. He was careful not to fall out of character, not even for a pair of enormous bedroom eyes. 

"I'm very flattered," Evelyn began, her eyes had been watching his mouth moved as if fascinated then she ducked her down a strange sense of shame flooded through. 

"She will!" Abby volunteered her. 

Evelyn barely resisted the urge to turn around, and glare at Abby. She however couldn't seem to tear her gaze of Lucas. She loved dancing, she had always loved dance even as a young girl. Now the very thought sent a rush of blind panic through her. She didn't like to be touched. It wasn't easy for her to be touched in any kind of way, and dancing…they would be up close together. Almost intimately together. A quivering tension coiled within the pit of her stomach as he took her hand in his, but she offered no protest. He squeezed her fingers gently and his expression softened. "Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you," he promised, lightly. He tugged her gently as if not to alarm her, and she realized that he was the kind of man who knew women. A dangerous man with a dangerous kind of knowledge. 

"What an odd thing to say," she murmured, quietly. Her brows furrowed ever so slightly and she found herself being lead out to the dance floor as a slow song began to play. 

"Is it?" He asked, his voice deep rumble. He pulled her into his embrace as he sung her into a dance. Her dress swirled around her legs and his. At first he simply held her with such ease, but she could feel the strength of his hand on her lower back. Her heart jolted in her chest, and feeling of unease crept across her skin. The knots in her stomachs grew tenfold, and as much as she tried, she could not relax in his arms.  _This should be easy,_  she thought to herself as a sweat broke out along her skin.  _I should be able to dance, and flirt without feeling like heart is about to burst out of my chest._  Her lungs burned with the need for air, and she struggled to release the breath that she had been holding in. She lifted her head and staring into those eyes was almost much more than she could bear. She felt vulnerable, and she hated that. 

"I'm not afraid of you, by the way," Evelyn felt the need to say. And she wasn't. She wasn't afraid of this man, her neighbor. She was afraid of the shadows from the past that were constantly in the back of her mind. Just one mention, just one incident, and it all came flooding back without warning. She didn't want that to happen. She wanted to be normal again, to be able to talk to a person without worrying that something they did or would say sent her spiraling into a whirlwind of panic where she drowned in memories. 

"Then you're not quite as smart as you look then," Lucas warned her, a crooked smirk upon his face. His blue eyes sparkled mischievously and there was something about him that made her want to be at ease around him. Something about him that made her want to melt into the warmth of his arms and enjoy the slow dance like she should. 

Yet, there was a tremble in her heart that kept her from doing so. "That…" she stated, her voice barely more than whisper. "Is entirely possible." 

_Cut my skin and I bleed_

_Just like anybody_

_And I want and I need_

_As much as anybody_

"Introspective, I think," Lucas replied.

"Then it is definitely depressing," Evelyn managed to crack a little smile. She shifted in his arms, and despite herself, she couldn't fight the sense of being trapped. It was more than a little depressing because there was a time she would have just let herself relax and melt into the beat of the song. Maybe even rest her head on his shoulder. Now it took everything in her not to cringe away from the physical contact as if it burned. 

Lucas sensed her nerves, and eased up his hold on her ever so slightly. "Just hold on," he told her, gently. "I'll lead you." 

Evelyn's eyes flickered up to his. Her expression was guarded, and she looked at him as if trying to figure out an exceedingly frustrating puzzle. 

_I have secrets, I have scars_

_As deep as anybody_

_I have fears no one hears_

_But don't tell anybody_

Lucas studied her, his head cocked to the side. He could see the war of emotions in her eyes, and it was not hard to decipher them. She thought herself the one in the shadows. She was hiding behind a sweet demeanor, hiding the real Evelyn out of sight behind a the walls she had erected around herself.  _She is afraid of herself,_  he thought only faintly surprised. She was afraid. Of him, of herself. And that told him so much than any words could. "You just don't like being touched," Lucas murmured, quietly. "Do you?" 

Evelyn jolted, and she stared at him with wide eyes. Lucas knew he had said too much. She was already skittish, on the verge of indecision, but the fact that he saw that too clearly…that was all that she could take. 

Evelyn's heart felt like a jackhammer in her chest, and suddenly she felt bare and vulnerable. It scared her more then any violence ever could. "I'm sorry," she blurted out, pulled away from him though she did not know exactly what she was apologizing for. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She fumbled for a reason while it suddenly became hard to breath. She could feel the panic rise in her throat, and the self loathing was something she just couldn't escape. "It's just that…I'm so sorry." 

Without waiting for his reply, she turned on her heel and fled out the door. The air was sharp, and held just a hint of the oncoming winter. The coolness cut sharply through her and dulled the panic for the moment. She bent over, her hands braced on her knees and she drew in shallow breaths. A panic attack. A freaking panic attack. It had happened so sudden she couldn't stop it, and she hated it. She hated feeling weak like this. She hadn't had one in several months, she had thought (naively she supposed) that they had faded with time. Straight upward, she placed her palm against her forehead. She didn't want to go back to a therapist, she didn't want to lay out all her problems for another person to see. She didn't want anyone to see. 

Evelyn turned, and caught her reflection in the window of a parked car. For a long moment, she stared at it as if not comprehending the sight. Her face was pale, and her eyes were wide filled to the brim with memories she wished she could just forget. The rest of her looked picture perfect, as if she would smile then no one would ever see the things that lied beneath. Her clothes were part of her armor. Perfect presentable in everything she wore, and her make up applied were precision. Her hair was not a strand out of place, because if she looked put together then everyone on the outside would believe that she was put together. And during the day, she could lie and pretend that she was. It was only when she got home did the reality come crashing down so hard that it was suffocating her slowly and painfully. "Oh, god…I don't even know who I am anymore," she whispered out, half of her horrified and the other half more than a little scared. Kelly got stolen away, Evelyn got pieces of her back eventually. Then Evelyn got broken, and now all she was just a jumble of pieces trying to piece herself back together. 

And she did want to feel whole again. She wanted to feel safe. She didn't want to feel broken, or damaged. She wanted to be able to dance with someone without feeling like any second they would turn into that bastard and she would be hurt once again. Swallowing thickly, Evelyn drew in a sharp breath and pulled herself together the best she could. She raised her hand into the air, and shouted, "Taxi!" 

* * *

Lucas walked outside, and watched Evelyn Matthews get into the back of the taxi like her life depended on it. He knew that look like the back of his hand. The desperation, the panic, the want to connect with the world, but being so disconnected from it that it felt like an impossibility. Of the years lost. Of losing your life. Of losing your family. Of pain. Of torture. Of trying desperately to not lose hope. The moving on part was always the hardest. To move on from something that had so shaken and destroyed your life. He closed his eyes and ran his hand down his face. His heart was pounding inside her chest, and his gut clenched with something akin to guilt. 

He remembered those moments that left him drowning. The nightmares, the phantom sensations of pain that streaked up his spine, remnants of the torture he endured. How he was pushed deep down in a hole where he thought his only way out was suicide, only to have it stolen away like the rest of him. He drew in a deep breath and drew himself out of his memories. He would apologize the next time he saw her, and try a different approach. He felt his lungs expand as he drew in a breath to ease the burning in his lungs, and the emotions coiled inside of him slowly unwound. The minutes ticked by, one slow second at a time. The sky darkened again as the clouds moved swiftly, obliterating the light from the moon leaving only the faltering streetlight shining down upon him. The darkness went from gray to inky, and the wind build to a howl. 

He wasn't a hero. He kind of hero who rode on white horses and rescued beautiful women with sorrow-filled eyes, but damn, had he wanted to be in that moment she pulled away from his arms. Evelyn Matthews had revived something deep within him, a want to be a better man. The only thing was he didn't know how. "Damnit," he cursed, loudly. 

* * *

Evelyn staggered like a drunk, her knees knocked and buckled beneath her threatening to send her face first into the ground. It wasn't the alcohol that had her stumbling around. She really tried not to have a panic attack. She tried to keep her breaths even and controlled, but she could not get the thoughts out of her head. How easily Lucas's hands were replaced with…with  _his_  and suddenly she was back in that cell all over again. She wanted to scream, she wanted to curse. She had wanted…a normal moment. Just a normal night out, just a safe dance with a guy. Every movement became more and more difficult as fatigue came as soon as her panic began to ebb away. 

The poor taxi driver must think her a weepy, hysterical drunk because he drove off as fast as he could. She reached the two steps leading up to the porch and stopped there, swaying back and forth. She tried to focus on the steps and walked up them slowly, her ankles felt like they were shackled with iron weights. She shivered, violently. It took her several tries before she got her key into the slot to unlock the door. 

She could hear her own harsh, strained breathing, echoing hollowly as she stepped into the hallway. She reached the kitchen, and flipped on the switch. She slung her purse onto the counter, and was about to drop into one of the chairs when she caught a shadow out of the corner of her eye. A scream ripped up her throat, and she whirled around, her fists draw up ready to fight. 

"Whoa! Evelyn! It's me, Ellie!" Elle held her hand alarmed, and took a step back just in case Evelyn took a swing. 

Evelyn's eyes widened, and it took a moment for the sight of Elle to penetrate through the fog that surrounded her mind. "Elle," Evelyn's arms fell to her sides, and stood there for a long moment her eyes closed as she tried to gather herself. When she did, she peeled her eyes open to shoot a glare at her friend. "What the hell?" She demanded, darkly. 

Elle held up her hands in surrender. "I'm sorry. I just let myself in," she jiggled the keys in her hands before she set them down on the kitchen counter. "This…is a really nice place. If you know get rid of all the boxes and clutter." 

Evelyn ran her fingers through her hair as she shifted back and forth on her feet restlessly. Her skin itched, it crawled and there was no way that she could escape the feeling. "What are you doing here, Elle? How did you even find me? And how the hell did you find my key?" She asked, rapidly. 

"Firstly, I got the files you wanted. Secondly, you're not the only one with sources, and thirdly, you hide your key underneath the yellow roses. You always have," Elle stated, with a slight shrug of her shoulders. 

Evelyn froze, and her lips turned downward. "London? Why are you getting sent to London? I thought they'd send you back to the Middle East," she commented, the unsettled sensation in the pit of her stomach grew tenfold. 

Elle twisted her hands together, and looked down at the floor in hesitation. Then she raised her gaze, and spoke softly, "I'm being transferred to work along side MI-6 for-" 

_"Hell no!"_  Evelyn roared, her voice echoed off of every surface of the house. Elle winced, knowing that reaction was coming. Evie stood there, her breath sharp and shallow. Her feet paced the floor while her fingers knotted in her hand as she shook her head back and forth. "No, no, no! You can't! You can't trust them," her sounded rough and raw, jagged with an untold amount of emotions. Memories flashed before her eyes as fear and panic dug at her chest like vicious claws. She half heartedly reached out, as if to hold to something, but there wasn't anything to grace so she let her arms fall to her sides. 

"Evie," Elle said, reaching out. She halted when Evelyn flinched back. "Calm down…calm down." 

"Did you know?" Evelyn's voice was filled with a hysterical sob. Her back hit the wall as she leaned against it for support as her knees threatened to buckle right out from underneath her. She remembered the searing betrayal, she remembered screaming until she couldn't scream anymore, and she remembered the hands wrapped around her throat. "Did you know what they did?" She asked, roughly. 

Elle closed her eyes against the tears. "I know, Evelyn. I know what all happened. I read the reports," she admitted, softly. "If I had known what was going to happen, how you were going to be framed…I would have done something. I swear, I would have." 

"Just words," Evelyn shook her head, and she slid down until she was sitting upon the floor. "Just words now. Can't change it. Can't make it better. Just have to move on because it was the hazards of the job, that's what they said." She raised her gaze off of the floor, and looked up at Elle. Her words were rushed, and quick that they were almost indecipherable. "You can't trust them, Elle. They won't fully trust you, so you can't fully trust them. You have to remember that." 

Elle walked over slowly, and knelt down in front of her. "Have you thought…have you thought about getting some help?" She asked, softly. "Some therapy…to help you get through it." 

"I've been to therapy," Evelyn said, her voice barely more than a whisper. "It helped for a while, but with the whole being on the run and hiding isn't exactly conductive for all of that." She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around her knees and pulled them against her chest. "You know, I had nightmares before that. I had nightmares before my memories returned. I didn't understand them. I was frightened, and terrified, and I could never save the red head woman that died in my lap every time! I had them after my memories came back, but understanding them…only made it worse," she admitted, a tear rolling down her cheek. "Then…then with Cathedral…it just gave me more nightmares. Sometimes, I feel like that's all my life is…one big nightmare." 

"That's not true," Elle reached out, placing her hand over Evelyn's. "You have done a lot of good. If you don't recall, you saved thousands of lives in London just two years ago. I wouldn't call that a nightmare." 

Evelyn snorted, dryly. "Depends on how you look at it," she sighed, heavily. She was bursting with the need to confide in Elle. To tell her everything, even down to the details that she held so guarded to her chest. The only thing that stopped her was that Elle was an optimist. She had a brightness about her, and the way she looked at everything. Evelyn didn't want to be the reason that changed. "You said you got it?" Evelyn shut everything down. She'd cried alone later, she thought as she brushed the stray tear off of her cheek. 

Elle shifted, her brows furrowed. She didn't like the abrupt change in emotion of Evelyn. It felt off, but she knew if she pressed then Evelyn would retreat even more or worse lash out in a burst of anger. She knew the signs of PTSD like the back of her hand. "Yes. I did," she pulled her purse into her lap, and pulled out the file. She held it between her hands for a long moment, then sighed. "May I ask why you wanted everything on Pedro Hernandez?" 

Evelyn took the file between her hands. "Snowballs," she stated, quietly. 

"Snowballs?" Elle quirked up an eyebrow. 

"Have you ever been in a snowball fight?" Evelyn asked, flipping the file open. Her stomach turned as her eyes landed on the picture of Pedro Hernandez. She had known of Pedro Hernandez ever since she got her memories back. She knew what he was, she knew what he had done. This was the first time she had ever seen his face. She hadn't known what she expected to feel when she saw that picture, but it was angry. Angry and cheated. This was the man that put everything into motion. Not the only reason that she ended up where was, but the one that got the wheel rolling. She flipped the page, expelling the air through her nose. "You make as many snowballs as you can, and save them until it's the right time to strike." 

"I get that," Elle nodded. "I just don't get what it has to do with any of this." 

"I didn't get to see what my dad went through. How my mother's and my deaths affect him. I don't know what he went through. I only see the aftermath, I see how hard the years have been on him. He didn't have such coldness in his eyes back then that he does now," Evelyn stated, her voice quite. Her eyes were however filled with a pain that could not be described. "I will not let something like that happen again. If I'm going to be bringing up the past, I have to be prepared for the skeletons that come with cleaning out that closet." 

"And are you?" Elle asked, quietly. "Going to bringing up the past?" 

Evelyn looked at her. "I honestly don't know." 

Elle let out a breath, and lowered her gaze. She sat there fiddling with fingers, before she looked back at Evelyn. "Evelyn," she said, her brow furrowed worriedly. "Promise me that you'll get some help. I know that you'll insist that you are fine, and that you are coping. That you can handle whatever is going inside of that head of yours or what life is going to throw at you. But this…" she gestured towards Evelyn, her brown eyes weren't accusing or judging in the slightest. "This is not that. You are incredibly strong to have made this far, and do as well as you have been doing. But you are closer to the edge than I have ever seen anyone get without falling. You need someone to talk to. To confide in. So promise me that you will get help." 

Evelyn stared at her for a long moment, then nodded. "I promise," she said, softly. She just hoped that she could keep it. 

* * *

The next morning was nothing like the night before. It was clear blue skies, and warm. After visiting Abby and telling the lab tech that she had a good time, Evelyn headed down to the NCIS shooting range. She needed something to take out these boiling emotions building inside of her chest, and what better way than to put bullets into a target? Evelyn selected her target, slipped on her ear protectors and glasses, then went to the bench. The range had been setup with every precaution. Built on a slope, any bullets that strayed would either become buried into the hill or the bales of hay setup on either side of the range then beyond those were walls. NCIS was serious about safety and security it appeared. 

Her mind was so jumbled. Lingering thoughts of the case, her father, her new neighbor that made her heart flutter, and not to mention the remnants of a hangover were all racing through her head without remorse. There was a time, Evelyn could have dealt with her emotions. A time that this wouldn't have made her almost have a meltdown. Tarasov had screwed her up. Cathedrals betrayal had screwed her up. She was a screw up. How did she think that coming to NCIS wouldn't just make things worse? How could she think that for one moment that she could just walk into her father's life and just stay silent? How could she think for one moment dancing with Lucas that she might have a chance at something normal? God, she was not looking forward to their next run in. She was on her second target, when she felt a presence behind her. She twitched ever so slightly, but finished out her clip before sliding her ear protectors off and letting them hang off her next and turned. A light shock jolted through her chest, but she kept her expression flat just raising an eyebrow. "Boss," she greeted Gibbs, with a slight nod. 

"You could have shot him." 

The statement was simple, and Gibbs eyes were upon the bullet ridden target. His blue eyes were sharp and appraising. She stared bemused, until she realized he was talking about the case. "I could have," she agreed, with a nod. 

"Hmm." Gibbs took a few steps forward. "It would have been more simple. Easier," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why didn't you?" 

"The situation didn't call for lethal force," Evelyn commented, with an air of certainty. Her hands moved, picking up her guns and clips, the need to get out of there in a hurry almost suffocating her. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and a cold, clammy sweat broke out along her skin. 

"He was armed." 

"I didn't know that," Evie stated, with a frown in his direction. "If I had, perhaps I would have went about it a different way. However, it all worked out at the end of the day," her words sounded hollow to her own ears. 

Gibbs cocked his head to the side, and crossed his arms over his chest. "Law enforcement run in your family?" He asked, carefully. 

"Military," she replied, shortly. 

"Army?" He guessed. 

"Marines," she answered, nervously sliding her gun back into her holster. "My dad. He was a Marine," she added, her voice thick with emotion. It left a bittersweet feeling in the pit of her stomach, and for a moment she felt herself consider telling him. That she was Kelly. In her heart in that moment she wanted to tell him, but she told herself, if she was going to tell him that right now was not the time nor the place. However, she needed to be honest with him. She twisted knotted her fingers together, and stared at him for a long moment, before she sighed heavily. "What will happen to Private West?" She asked. 

"What do you mean?" Gibbs asked. 

"He killed people. He has to pay for that, I understand that. But his actions weren't all his own. He was forced down that path. He needs to go to a place where he can mental help, and a regular prison isn't going to do that," Evelyn crossed her arms over her chest, and looked up at Gibbs, her blue eyes troubled. 

"That isn't up to us, Matthews," Gibbs told her. "We've done our part." 

"You mean there is nothing we can do?" Evie asked. "Nothing at all?" 

"We've built the case, found the evidence, and caught the killer. Now, it's the in the courts hands to decide what is to be done with Darrin West," Gibbs stated, a bit of sympathy in his blue eyes as he regarded her. "Sometimes, we get called to testify, but other than that there is little more we can do." 

"How can you live like that? You do all this work, and then have to hand it over, and just hope that some kind of justice gets served?" Evelyn asked, aghast. 

"You do what you have do, and hope that you've done enough," Gibbs stated. He made it sound so simple when in truth it really wasn't. 

She drew in a breath, and cleared her throat before she continued. "That's sounds like a hard life," she murmured out, her gaze thoughtful. 

"It is," Gibbs nodded. "Not for the faint of heart." 

"I kind of gathered that," Evelyn gave a half smirk, but it soon slipped off her lips. She looked up at him and her gaze seemed to pin him to the spot. "Have you ever had something you regretted? A case that you felt that it wasn't enough?" 

Gibbs looked down for a second. He could see it now, how she was like him. "Yeah," he admitted with a nod. "All the time." 

Evelyn was surprised. She hadn't actually thought he would have answered that. Her lips dipped downward in a frown, and she turned to face him more directly. She felt the urge to say something to him, to confide more into him when she jolted at the noise of a cell phone going off. Gibbs reached into his suit pocket, and pulled out his cellphone. "Gibbs," he barked out. His eyes flashed, and he heaved a sigh. "Where? We're on our way." 

Evelyn's eyebrows rose. "We've got a case?" She inquired, arms crossed over her chest. 

"Yeah, we got a case," Gibbs nodded, and turned on his heel. Evelyn watched him for a moment, before she chose to follow. Everything was far from being resolved, but for the moment she felt like she could cope. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter is inspired by "Sometimes" by Melanie Horsnell.)
> 
> The next chapter is a chapter that will only be exclusively on AO3. It will not be on the ffnet story.


	9. Author's Note

I want to apologize to all who are following this fic, because for about another month is the wait until I'm next going to be able to update. I thought I had merely needed a new battery for my computer when the hard drive decided to crash. It is reading some kind of memory off of it, so I'm hoping that means that there is just a connect wrong with it and all my stories are still safe inside. I have to send it off to get it checked. It will be a hard blow to take if it is all gone because I had yet to be able to back up all my writings. That would mean fanfiction is gone as well as my original works are gone. The fanfiction is easily recovered, but my original stuff not so much. Anyways I wanted to let you all know what was going on so you didn't think I had abandoned my stories. Thank you all again.

**Author's Note:**

> HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!  
> END OF CHAPTER!  
> READ AND REVIEW! THANKS! :D This plot is a little twisty and out there, but hey, isn't that what fanfiction is for?


End file.
